Living For The Lost
by AllyInWonderland
Summary: Story Originally posted on Secret Obsession, Instant Star FanFiction Forum. Follows jude from crisis to crisis, plenty of drama and humour mixed, never know where this story will go next promise you that lol. I suck at summaries give it a shot :
1. Chapter 1 She's Not Okay

LIVING FOR THE LOST 

Chapter 1: She's not okay

"God, It's Cold, It's cold in here, it's freezing", Jude said as she paced the waiting room floor. "Two, Two, just two, two words, that's all I'm asking. What time did they take her into surgery?" She asked Jamie who sat on an uncomfortable hospital waiting room chair. "Four Hours ago at least" "Two words, that's all I need, Patsy's fine, that's good. There just fixing her, or She's ok." Tears come to Jude's eyes at these words. "They can't fix her" Jamie says. "Shut up. Two words, two...words... "

"Jude?" She heard someone call her name. Whipping around she was sure she had just heard her cousin Kristins voicem sure enough She saw walking towards her.  
Once Kristin had caught up with Jude, in her panicked state, She tried to catch her breath, asking. "What's going on Jude? What happened? She asked looking at her. Sadie told me you were here but didn't tell me why".

Jude looked at her, sorrow and guilt showing in her eyes."It's Patsy Kris, She got into a car accident, and she's in surgery right now." she responded tears forming in her eyes again.

Kristin put a hand to her mouth, feeling overwhelmed."How? I mean what caused her to get into a car accident?" Kristin looked at Jude then Jamie searching for an answer.

Jude put her head down, looking at the floor as she spoke. This was her fault, she felt so guilty she couldn't barely comeprehend a normal thought inside her head. She spoke softy, almost inaudible, trying to explain what had happened.

"We had gotten into an argument and she stormed off. S-she was drunk. We let her go. She drove off and I went home and got the call that Patsy was in the hospital." Jude said almost whispering because she was trying to hold back her tears. "She could be still okay if only I had gone after her." Raking a Hand through her hair Jude stepped her foot out, to beging to pace somemore.

"Jude it's not your fault. You can't blame yourself for what happened." Kristin tried to reassure her pulling her into a hug. "Jude it's okay to be scared. I'm here for you though." Jude looked up at Kristin, looking into her face.

"Kristin, yes it is. I was the one who let her go off. I was the one who should've taken her keys from her. So don't tell me it's not my fault." Jude pushed Kristin away some. She was angrier with herself then sad right now.

"Jude why don't you sit down and let me go grab you something to eat or drink. What do you want? "Kristin asked Jude as she stood next to a chair waiting for Jude to sit down.

"I'm not hungry. Something to drink maybe coffee would be great though Kristin." Jude looked at Jamie and took a seat bouncing her leg up and down a bit, nervously. She became more apprehensive by the minute.

"Ok. Jamie do you need anything?" Jamie shook his head no, and Kristin walked over to a coffee maker and made some coffee. She added a tiny bit of sugar and cream and brought it back to Jude.

"Thank you Kris." Jude smiled some as she took the coffee and took a sip. Do you think you could go see if you can find something out about Patsy? Please?" Jude said softly looking at her cousin.

"Yeah, sure. I'll go try and find out something." Kristin walked over finding a doctor. "Umn excuse me I was wondering if you could tell me about Patsy Sewer."

"I can't release that information unless you're a family member. I'm sorry." The doctor looked at Kristin.

"I'm her step-sister." Kristin said looking at the doctor.

"Well she's got some severe head trauma. Also some fractures to her body. As of right now she's still in critical condition." The doctor nodded as she told Kristin about what was going on.

Jude could hear what the doctor said, and her heart jumped through the roof, Feeling cold and numb, all she could think was that she was going to die, the tears start to fall, and she stood up shakily, making her way towards the washroom, before she completely lost it.

Kristin looked towards Jude as the doctor walked away. She saw Jude get up and walking towards the washroom, and walked in there. "Jude?" She said after her in a concerned tone."Yeah?" she said from one of the stalls. She sat leaning over the toilet bowl afraid that her nerves would get the best of her worse than the day of the Instant Star competition...this is worse, letting the tears run freely down her face, she can't help but think it's her fault. She knows she should have run after her.

Kristin stood by the sink. "Come out Jude please?" She said softly looking at all the stalls waiting for Jude to come out.  
"I can't, " she said in a quiet tone." Leaning her head down, feeling cold on the inside, and sick at the same time, maybe even numb"  
Kristin walked up to the door from where she heard Jude's voice. "Jude, come out please. You can it's just us. I locked the door so no one else would come in. so we could talk about your feelings." She said standing next to the door.  
"I can't, I don't think I can," Jude's nerves making her body tremble...

Kristin sat down next to the door. "Jude you can. But I'm not going to force you to. Take your time." She said softly. "You and I both know that you weren't the reason this happened. "How come I don't feel that way," Jude responded "I feel like somehow this is all in with everything. Like I could have prevented this, and the more I think the more sick I feel, and my body feels funny, like something I can't explain. What does that mean"  
"You feel like it because you don't have control over what happened." She said looking up at the mirror" it's like a sick joke that you don't want to believe that something so bad can happen to you. Unfortunately it does." Kristin pulled her legs up towards her chest and wrapped her arms around them. "It sucks and it's hard but its things like these that make us stronger. Does that make sense Jude"  
"I guess it does, but it's not fair, I can't shake this feeling inside, almost like a cold numbness, like she's gone, or like i don't know," Jude began to cry again involuntarily " Why Patsy though? Why did it have to be her? I don't get it, couldn't it have not happened, I mean, I pray, I believe but this just hurts so much, and I'm so afraid..."

"I know Sweetie. But sometimes the things we thought couldn't happen to us do. It's a test of life to strengthen us. Patsy will always be apart of you. She's in your heart along with all the good memories. I know it hurts Jude but like I said it's a test. Only you can do what you feel is right." She said to her cousin. "life is full of twists and turns...ones that are good and ones that are bad. We can only hope for good ones."

"Do you think she could be okay Kris? Maybe they can save her? Is that getting my hopes up or? I just...Don't want to lose her, it's almost like losing a sister, I don't know, she just got so close to my heart, I just wanted to do what was right for her, to protect her and I failed..."

" You didn't Fail Jude, You did what you could, sometimes people just can't be saved."

"Thanks," She sighed. She couldn't stop the trembling in her body and the sick feeling that kept washing over her intensely, almost like her body knew what could be happening.

"You're welcome Jude. It's going to be okay. I promise you. She said softly

"Kris...?"

"Yeah Jude?"

"Why does my body feel so funny?"

She sighed softly. "I think it's because you're feeling all these different emotions coming over you."

"Maybe, I just feel so, so sick, and..."

Kristin looked at the mirror. "It's okay Jude. I promise you it'll be alright. You're just in shock right now. So take a few deep breaths and come out here...splash a little water on your face". She said softly.

Jude stood up wobbly, and unlatched the door, taking Kristin's advice she walked out of the stall, and over to the sink, She looked at herself in the mirror, then down at her clothes beginning to remember the day she'd spent with Patsy now.

Kristin gets up and walked towards Jude. Standing next to her "Just say that 'it's going to be okay' to yourself. It will be Jude. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

"I. I know your here, and I'm glad for that. It's just so hard to be strong right now. I always thought I was strong, I'm really not, How do I know? How do I know it will be okay? "

"Because in your, heart it will be. It just doesn't seem like it right now. It's going to take sometime to get used to this." She said looking at Jude. "Patsy's going to be alright." Kristin heard a knock on the door, as she looked at Jude.

Jude looked at Kristin then towards the door, not sure who it was, but she had a bad feeling in her chest, almost like a knowing. The tears began, forming, in her eyes already.

Kristin walks towards the door and unlocks the door, opening it to reveal the OR Doctor " I'm sorry but we couldn't save your sister." The doctor said looking at Kristin. "Ok thanks for letting me know. I'm going to notify our family right now." "okay I'm very sorry for your loss" The Doctor responded solomly "Thanks." Kristin shut the door walking over to Jude with her arms already to pull Jude into a hug.

"Kris...I...I…Oh My God, Oh my god, No, no please, no. This isn't happening, it can't be. She's lieing. Tell her She's fine, Kris she's lieing," She began to sob.

Kristin pulls Jude into a hug holding Jude close. "Shhhh just let it out Jude. Just let it out." She said continuing to hold Jude in her arms

"I'm… I can't… I'm, I think. I'm going to be sick,"

Kristin looks at Jude concerned as she ran for the nearest stall and basically threw herself over the toilet bowl.

Kristin followed her and grabbed her hair pulling it back from her and rubbing backt it out. Let it out Jude." She said continuing to rub her back.

She got sick, whilst crying. Feeling like she can't control herself. When she finished, she got up, blindly in search for the sink. Feeling like she couldn't breathe.

Kristin leads Jude to the sink "Here Jude." She said grabbing Jude's hand and puts it on the faucet.

"I can't breathe!" Jude grabbed her chest and bent down at the waist.

Kristin looked at Jude all concerned "ok...hold on...hold on". She said running to the door and yelling for a doctor "someone please help me?" Kristin looked a doctor who came to Kristin. "I need help. She's not able to breath." The doctor grabs Jude's arm and leads her to a room with an oxygen tank and grabs the mask placing it to Jude's face "Here Miss breath into this. try and calm down"

She breathed into the mask, trying to calm her breathing, her fingers feeling numb, and feeling very dizzy. "Wha, what's happening to me?" Jude managed to ask.

The doctor looks at Jude and says "You had a panic attack. You should lay down here for a bit." Kristin looked at Jude as she made her way over and grabbed her hand "Yeah maybe you should lay down. You need to relax so you don't have another panic attack."

She laid back, closing her eyes, trying not to allow any type of picture to form in her mind" Thanks Kris" She whispered. "You have always been there for me, thank you so much"

"You're welcome Jude." Kristin said smiling as she stood next to her bed. Watching Jude sleep. "Just get some rest."

"Stay with me Kristin?" Jude asked softly as she slowly closed her eyes

"Always, Jude." Kristin replied to Jude as she pulled up a chair next to Jude and sat down next to her waiting for Jude to fall asleep.

"Goodnight Kris." Jude said softly as she fell asleep

"Goodnight Jude." Kristin sat there still watching Jude fall asleep. She decided to get some sleep herself and got comfortable on the chair next to Jude and shut her eyes falling asleep.


	2. Chapter 2 The Break Down

Chapter 2: The Break Down

At Jude's Home

"Hey Jude, can I get you anything? Something to drink maybe? Water? Coffee? Pop? Kristin asked looking at Jude concerned.

"Yes water would be great. Thanks Kris" Jude sat back against the couch. Kristin tell that she's not really feeling all that well.

Kristin walked into the kitchen towards the refrigerator and grabbed a couple bottles of water, she opened the caps, and then closed the refridgerator door. She walked back into the living room where Jude was at. "Here you go Jude." Kristin said as she sat down next to her cousin after handing her the water.

"Thanks Kris. I really appreciate it," Jude said as she took the lid off the water and took a sip. She then closed it and set it on the end table.

"Do you want an Advil or something? You look really, really sick right now Jude." Kristin asked in a concerned tone of voice.

"To be honest with you Kristin, I really don't think an Advil is going to help what I'mright now. Sorry. Thanks though." Jude responded quietly putting her head back on the cushion.

"Yeah well I think maybe I should go grab something for you incase you get sick again." She looked at Jude as she got off of the couch and walked towards the kitchen once again. She grabbed a bucket and brought it out to Jude placing it on the floor next to her.

"Thank you once again for being here Kris. You're the best. It also means a lot to me." Jude is smiling at Kristin.

"What are cousins for Jude? I'm always here for you no matter what." She said as she hugged Jude. "Plus you're like my best friend. So I've got your back no matter what."

"You're mine too." She looked at Kristin. Still smiling.

She smiled back at her cousin and then hugged her. The door bell rings and Kristin pulls away and gets up off the couch to go answer the door. "Yeah give me a second and I'll go answer it."Kristin said softly as she got up and walked towards the door. And opened it to see a tall guy with spiky brown hair and blue eyes.

"Hey is Jude here?" He said looking at Kristin. He didn't know who she was exactly but could tell maybe it was a family member.

"Yeah she's sitting on the couch." Kristin said moving out of the way. to let him inside the house

"Kris, who is it?" Jude yelled to Kristin.

"It's me Jude." He said responding back to her with a smile.

"I'm in here, Quincy." She said her voice kind of raw because she had been crying.

"Yeah she hasn't been feeling well lately." She said looking at Tommy who had entered the room and she shut the door behind him.

"Yeah I'm here to check up on her. I know she's been hurting quite a bit since Patsy died." He said looking at Kristin.

"I'm worried about her. I hate seeing her hurt. You know?" Kristin started walking towards the living room

"I know. So yeah I'm going to go check on her. "I'm Tommy." He reached out his hand to hers.

"Hi I'm Kristin." Kristin took his hand and shook It. "It's nice to finally meet you." She smiled.

" Likewise," Tommy said shaking her hand, He didn't want to be rude, but he was really concerned about Jude, so he excused himself and walked over, sitting next to Jude. He moved her hair out of her eyes gently, and looked at her before asking. "Are you okay Jude?" Jude nodded, not really looking him in the eye. She wasn't sure herself if she was actually alright. For some reason she found it hard to look him in the eye, and not know if she was speaking the truth.

Jude felt comforted by the fact the Kristin, and Tommy were there to support her, but inside it felt like something was missing. Like a piece of her heart had been stolen, and can never be found again. She felt it the moment she heard the words, The doctor had said. Even before, she could feel herself coming undone. She has never in her life felt this type of pain before.

Jude turned her head away from Tommy. A lone tear falling down her cheek. She whipped at it quickly. She felt the need to be strong, but right now she was so far from it. At least that's how she felt.

Tommy sensing the vulnerability and raw emotion from her turned her towards him and pulled her into a hug, just as the full on tears began to fall. "Shhhh…Jude its ok, It's going to be okay."

"No Tommy, it's not okay, every time I close my eye's, that's all I can see. Tommy I can't, I just can't," Jude sobbed into his chest.

"Jude you have to listen to me. I know it's hard. I haven't told you a lot of things myself, but I can tell you that this will get easier Jude. You have to stop blaming yourself for what happened. You did not cause Patsy's death Jude, if it hadn't happened then, it would have happened sooner or later Jude. Patsy was a fearless person, you know that. Do you really think that you could have stopped this from happening? What would have happened? Jude look at me"

"Tommy I tried, I did, I really did, I could have saved her, If I hadn't been so stubborn. I could have…" Jude began to sob now. Tommy held her closer, knowing exactly what she was feeling at this very moment. He wanted so bad to take away all the pain she was feeling right now. He wished so much that he could. All he could be is her support in reality.

"Jude, you are tearing yourself apart, look at you. You look sick. Is there anything? Anything that we could do to help? Jude maybe we could write something? A tribute? You know Patsy would not want this. She would want you to carry on. Not let yourself die with her." Tommy said cradling her. "For today Jude, okay, you need to rest. You need to get some sleep, and maybe some food into you. I'm worried Jude. I…I Love you; I know I couldn't say it before Jude, but I can now. I can't lose you. I am nothing without you. Jude please for me, just try. I know it's hard, But look I'll be here, and so will Kristin, I promise you Jude I will not leave your side. Ok..."

Jude nodded, letting her sobs abate. "I love you too Tommy, I really do." Closing her eyes, she rested her self into Tommy's arms, falling out in exhaustion almost immediately after the tears abated. ……… 


	3. Chapter 3 The Breakdown Continues

Chapter 3: The Breakdown continues

Kristin looked at Tommy and then to Jude. "Like Tommy said we're both going to be here Jude."

"Thanks," Jude said.

"You're welcome" Kristin said as she sat down on the otherside of Jude and hugged her 

Jude hugs Kristin back, standing up..." I have to use the washroom," She says walking away, into the bathroom. She shut the door locking it behind her, going over to the mirror, taking a long look at her pale face, turning on the tap she began to splash some water unto it, then drying it, looking into the mirror again. "I look horrible." She stated to the air around her, turning the tap off, and then sitting on the side of the tub, Jude put her head into her hands. She couldn't shake the feeling deep inside. Something is missing, and she doesn't know where to get it back, or if she ever will. She had never felt like this before in her entire life.

Everything that she thought was hard before, now seems so much more simple, than this. Almost like a part of her went with Patsy. Hoping to her self that this was just a process, something that is temporary, and she will be ok again soon. She felt empty and full at the same time. Like her sense of self is sitting beside her but no longer inside of her, She feel sick and exhausted. Not even being able to think.

' I try to feel comforted by Kristin and Tommy. I mean they have done so much, I know it would be so much worse without them. I just can't release this feeling inside, and somehow I feel like it can't be helped. You would think at some point the tears would run dry but they haven't, they just keep coming, and I don't even know how. '

It was complicated dealing when Tommy left. Then the photo's, like one thing after another. Karma, and now this? just how can it get any worse worse, does it get worse, lord please tell me that it doesn't.

Jude looked upwards, at the ceiling with her tear streaked face and closed her eyes.

"Lord I know I haven't prayed in a while. I'm sorry lord, I don't know how I could have forgotten, or even gotten too busy to keep you in my life. I have never been sorrier, but right now LORD, I need your help more than ever. I feel so desolate, I don't know how to get through this Lord, I need you. Please!"

Jude desperately prayed.

"Lord, you have done so much for me, and I haven't even praised you for all you have done, once again I am sorry. I'm sure you know exactly what I'm feeling but I have to tell you. I'm afraid lord. This feeling makes me feel like I'm losing myself. I can't do this without you. I know that I have sinned, and LORD if you will please forgive me. It means so much to me to have you in my life right now. You are the Father, the creator, and my Saviour. No one else can do as you can. And GOD, I tell you, no one else can help me like you can, please just hear me LORD," I whisper.

Tears coming down her face even more with this desperate prayer.

"Hear me father, because I am nothing without you. I don't know how I could have even thought so before, I think I partially lost my mind, but right now, I can't, I can't handle this. If this is a test, I'm failing badly so LORD if you will please, please help me. Please, forgive me!" I cry.

"In Jesus' Holy name I pray to you, Amen."

Jude finished the prayer, bowing her head back down, pushing her partially moist hair away from her face, and decidingly putting her head back into my hands.

Jude looked up as she heard a soft knock at the door.

Kristin looked at Tommy. "Do you wanna go check on her or should I? She asked. "Uh I think maybe I will Kristin. Tommy replied looking at her. She might open up to me alittle more. He got up from where he was sitting and walked over towards the bathroom knocking on the door. "Jude. Hey girl can i come in ?" He said in a gentle tone of voice waiting for her reply as he stood by the door slipping his jeans into his pockets.

"Tommy, I'm sorry, I can't, I just can't. I need to be bymyself I think."

Jude starts to cough a little, from the tears, already feeling sick.

"I Just need to be alone Tommy"

Tommy walked back out, putting his hands up in the air, in defeat.

Kristin looked at Tommy. You know what I'm gonna take a turn and try. You should probably go Tommy. Kristin said looking at him. "Yeah i've gotta get back to the studio anyways for a little bit i'll be back though." Tommy looked at kristin. "Take care of our girl." He replied in a protective yet calm voice. "Yeah I will Tommy." Kristin walked over to the door as Tommy took off back to the studio. "Jude may I come in please?" She looked at the door concerned about her cousin. She wondered what she was going to say to Jude. She hadnt exactly been in this situation but she wanted to be there for Jude the way she knew how to be.

"Kristin?"..." I..I think I'm just sick, I think i'm ok, I don't know, I just don't know."

"Yeah it's me Jude. Tommy left, he had to go back to the studio," She said as she opened the door walking in. "Hey sweetie." Kristin closed it behind her. "Just talk to me please. let it out. i'm here." Kristin said sitting down on the tub across from where Jude was at.

Jude pushed a strand of hair behind my ear, and looked at Kristin.

" I just feel so different you know. Like I'm walking around and talking, and I'm me but I'm not, if that makes any sense."

Kristin looked at Jude. "You feel like that because you're numb to what happened right now. like you dont want to believe it really happened but the only way to get better is to let yourself feel it Jude." She said in a soft tone. "That's the only way to beat this numbness feeling. To make yourself feel better. Patsy's still apart of you. it may not feel like it right now but she's in your heart." Kristin pointed to her heart. "She's also part of your soul. Patsy and you have a bond and understanding so of course it's going to be harder because even though she was with jamie. She made a friend. someone she could trust ya know?" Kristin sat on the edge of the tub looking at Jude.

"I keep trying to think positively, I know what your saying is right, but I just can't wrap my mind around it" Jude said getting up and walking out of the bathroom, followed by Kristin.

Jude climbed the stairs, and up to her room. She collasped in a heap onto the bed. Not bothering to move, anf fell asleep just like that... 


	4. Chapter 4 Will I Ever Be Enough

Chapter 4: Will I Ever Be Enough. 

A/N Story begins with Jude coming down sick, in turn Sadie and Kristin catching it also, whilst Jude's dad and Tommy scramble to figure out what to do. The story will go more into depth, and be a longer chapter, involving some issues Jude will go through, Something she never thought, she would do, or eve consider doing, when she feels like a certain someone doesn't want her, and some hurtful words are thrown her way...

This is only the first half, trust me the story gets alot better. There will be a continuation set after this chapter, it shouldn't take long to put together. I hope you all enjoy what you have read so far. We plan for this story to be very different.

Chapter 4: Will I Ever Be Enough

"Oh, no," Jude groaned as she turned in bed,her hand reaching out to turn off her alarm. She pulled the blanket up over her head, burying herself deeper into the soft mattress. Her leg grazed something on the bed,and she realized she'd fallen asleep while she was typing at her laptop the night before.

She felt horrible. Her throat was sore, her muscles ached, and her head was beginning to throb. She layed in bed, thinking of what to do. Sitting up, she pushed a few strands of wayward blonde hair back from her face and pulled the blanket off sitting up some.

"Is it Monday already?" She asked herself.

She heard a knock sound on her door.

"Yeah," She answered.

"Jude it's Dad, you getting ready for school?"

"Uhhh it is monday already," She said to herself pulling her body into motion. Which so suddenly began feeling like lead weights.

She pulled a pair of jeans on, searching through her drawer she found a t-shirt, and grabbed her bunnyhug. Slipping socks and shoes on her feet, and pulling a brush through her hair.

She finally made her way down the stairs, everything spinning slightly around her.

Jude felt a twinge in her stomach. 'Oh no,' She thought. Definitely not feeling all that great.

Jude walked into the kitchen meeting up with her dad, who was having some coffee before work.

She plopped onto the stool across from him, at the breakfast bar. Putting her elbows onto the top, and supporting her head.

"Dad?" She said quietly, her head begining spin some again.

Stuart looked up at Jude questioningly.

"I don't feel so well dad," She told him.

"Jude I know you have been through alot lately honey, but you have to go to shool, this is your last year of school, then you won't have to worry any longer. You shouldn't be missing too much, and maybe it would be good for you to be around others. You need to go, I'm sorry Jude" Stuart finished.

Jude looked down at her hands, then stood, up, walking out of the kitchen, finding her bookbag, and school supplies. She knew her father wasn't going to give in, but she really didn't feel well. Not at all.  
" Jude, breakfast?" Stuart stood looking at her from the door way. She shook her head no, grabbing her house keys, and walked out the door, waiting for Kristin who was going to bring her to school today, Once Kristin pulled up from spending the night at a friends, she jumped into the car, toting her bookbag on her lap.

"Thanks Kris," Jude sighed, and took out her makeup bag, as Kristin drove off. She applied her makeup with little effort, then replaced it small cosmetic bag into her book bag.

20 minutes later they had arrived in front of Carson Hill High School. Jude climed out of the car, grabbing her book bag and thanking Kristin for the ride before walking into the school entrance as the other students began to file in also.

She went to her locker, meeting up with some of her friends. Spiederman catching her off guard in the hall, he scared the life out of her. She drew in a sharp breath, jumping and looking at him. "Asshole," she muttered, and walked away. She had study first period anyway. So it shouldn't be to rough.

Speiderman just looked after her wake confused. " Gee I was only playing around, whats up your butt Harrison?" He mouthed.

She was right, Study had flew by before she knew it, the bell rang almost waking her from a dream like state. She felt horrible, her head was pounding, and her body felt like it could radiate heat. Of course her stomach had to join in the symphony of her misery. Turning over and over sickeningly.

She moved slowly to her locker through the crowd of rushing students. Grabbing her Lit books from her locker, and shoving them into her book bag. She headed off into Lit class. She was kind of glad no one had the umph to mess with her today. Soon she was joined by the door by a couple friends, who were gabbing back and fourth about something, she could care less about at the moment.

Jude found a seat and settled in, putting her head in her arms on the desk. She remembered vaguely hearing that they had a Substitute for Lit today. She was hoping who ever it was, wasn't going to be to hard on her. She just wanted to go home, crawl back into bed, and sleep forever.

Sadie walked into Jude's Lit Class carrying a bad over her shoulder. She stood in front of the class. She was suuposed to sub this mess? She set her bags down, looking up. There were kids gathered at the back of the room, tossing paper balls back and forth between eachother, and and a few kids removing earpods from their ears and shutting of their i-pods and mp3 players.

"Ladies and-...La-..."

Sadie sighed and looked around. She walked around to the back of the desk and climbed on top of it.

"HEY!!!"

Everyone looked up. Sadie's mouth opened, agape at who she saw...

Jude looked up swiftly from where she layed her head down on the desk knowing her sisters voice all to well

"Sadie," she mouthed. "What are you doing here?"

Jude hadn't felt well since she awoke this mourning but her dad must have thought she was just trying to get out of school, so he insisted that she go, and get through the day, saying she would feel better later.

JUDE?!"

Sadie climbed off the desk, and everyone turned to see the two staring at eachother. "Wait, are...is that your sister?" They heard one kid say. Sadie glared at him.

"Everyone, go next door to the computer lab. Get started on your research papers and don't let me hear a PEEP out of you."

As everyone began to pile out of the room, Sadie turned back to her bag. She looked up and saw Jude moving slowly at the back of the group.

"Jude?"

Jude Turned towards Sadie "Yeah?" she asked, while a couple of her friends tried to pull her with them, so they could gossip, Jude hated Gossip, but she knew how her friends where, and well that was highschool...

Sadie rolled her eyes at Jude's friends

"Go on, ladies. Jude will be along soon..."

Sadie watched as the girl walked off, and Jude's shoulders drooped, showing Sadie how she was really feeling:Like crap.

Jude walked over to the desk in front. "What is it Sades?" She asked, trying to sound as normal and casual as possible.

"Don't try and fake it Jude. I've always been able to read you, inside and out. You're sick. Why did you come to school...No, wait. Don't answer that. Dad made you, right?"

Sadie rolled her eyes, once again, not waiting for an answer.

"Come on. I'll get someone else in here to take care of the class."

She felt Jude's head and pulled her hand back quickly, realizing how hot her sister was.

"Jude, don't fight me. We're going home. You're running a fever."

"Sadie dad will be mad," Jude started. but then began feeling extremely dizzy and the room swirled before her eyes, along with her stomach. She put a hand to her head, absent mindedly trying to stop everything from spinning so she could focus.

Sadie grabbed ahold of Jude's arm gently, trying to help her steady herself. Jude gets an "I'm gonna be sick" look on her face, so Sadie grabs a trashcan and places it in front of her sister as she watches Jude double over. When Jude has stood up straight again, Sadie handed her a bottle of water.

"So what? Dad can get mad at me, but I don't care. You're sick."

" Thanks Sades" Jude sipped at the water one more time before capping it. "Your right, he'll get over it, I need to get out of here" Jude said, she felt like everything was spinning around her.

Sadie grabbed her bag and helped Jude down to the office where she explained the situation, and that She needed to take Jude home, The principal agrees. Sadie then helps Jude out to the car. Once they were both in, She started the car and then turn to Jude.

"Where to?"

" I don't care, anywhere with a bed," Jude stated quietly. She leaned her head against the back of the seat. Closing her eyes.

Sadie drove to the Harrison home and sighed in sadness when she looked over and saw her baby sister asleep in the seat next to her. A small smile covered her face when she saw a blue viper pull up next to her. She got out of the car and walked around.

"You're a life saver...Please tell me you can lift her?"

Sadie knew it was a stupid question, considering Tommy had already lifted Jude out of the car and begun to carry her towards the front door of the house. Once they were inside, she directed him up to Jude's room. He laid her down and then left a note for Jude to call him later before leaving.

"Gosh dad...You were really stupid in having Jude go to school today."

Sadie whispered as she grabbed a washcloth and dampened it with cool water before walking back into Jude's room and laying on Jude's forhead. She sat down next to her and watched her sleep.

A couple hours go by, before Jude startles herself awake, in a fever induced nightmare. She looked around for a minute trying to shake the haze from her head, sitting up, only to find herself once again extremely Dizzy. She looked over, seeing Sadie, well a good blur of her. " Sades, how did I get in my bed?" Jude asked trying to shake the dizzyness away, not happening. She only succeeded in making it worse, along with a cold chill. She pulled at her blanket as she heard Sadie beging to talk.

Sadie pushed jude back against the bed softly, helping her to lie back. She could tell that Jude was dizzy, and that things were probably very blurry for her, which was probably scaring her. She sat down next to Jude and rubbed her matted hair softly.

"Tommy carried you up here. He showed up, but I told him you were sick..."

Sadie grabbed the cup of water on Jude's nightstand and tipped the straw in it.

"Here, have a drink of water."

When Jude finished taking a drink of water, Sadie reached over to the nightstand and grabbed some asprin, and gave Jude back the water. When she's taken the asprin, Jude laid back against the pillow. Sadie stayed and watched as Jude fell back to sleep and rubbed her sister's back.

Jude could feel Sadies hand on her back, as she drifted back off into dream land, hoping to not have the same dream, everything seemed black, and woozy, she felt extremely Queasy, But her mind wouldnt wrap itself around anything coherent at the time.

Long after Jude had fallen back into slumber (Peacefully, Sadie was hoping), Sadie laid down next to Jude and watched her sister sleep. She smiled as Jude's lips curled into a smile. Though it gave her a small pang of jealousy, Sadie knew Jude was dreaming about herself and Tommy.

Sadies Cell phone suddenly chirped, She grabbed at it quickly, and ran from the room, so she didn't wake Jude.

It was Darius, he needed her at g-major for a while. She hoped that she would be back before Jude awoke.

Kristin walked up the steps to Jude's bedroom and saw Sadie. Hey Sadie where are you going? Kristin said softly. "I have to go to G-major. Darius just called. Jude's in her bedroom still sleeping. She's sick. "ok thanks. Kristin said and nodded as she proceeded to Jude's bedroom. "See you in a bit Kris." Okay Sades see you soon. Kristin replied.

Jude moved a bit in her sleep, trying to get comfortable. Finally settling in the fetal position, falling back out.

Kristin continued to walk towards Jude's room as she gently pushed door open trying to be quiet but she didnt succeed. the noise of the door was little louder then she had intended it to be.

Jude startled at the sound, cracking her aching eyes open. "who's there?" She asked.

It's just me Jude. Kristin replied to her cousin. Sorry I didnt mean to startle you. Kristin looked at Jude as she walked over to the chair that sat next to Jude's bed.

" Whats up Kristin?" Jude askes, sheilding her eyes from any type of light with her arm draped across her face.

Nothing. I just got back from the store. Kristin replied looking at Jude who was covering her eyes. "How're you feeling?" Kristin sat there "So Sadie told me you werent feeling all that well?"

"No, dad made me go to school this mourning. Sades braught me home. I don't know...I just feel crappy. My skin feels really hot, and I'm cold." Jude said Quietly.  
Kristin put her hand on Jude's head to feel her temperature. "You feel really hot hun. I think that maybe i should go get you some asprin to help with that fever. " Kristin pulled her hand away.

" I think Sadie already did, I'm not sure. Or was I dreaming? Wait No I think she did."

"Okay, do you maybe want some soup or something?" Kristin asked as she set her phone down on the nightstand.

Jude shook her head no. Bad move! the whole room began to tilt and spin around her. "whoa" she mouthed.

Jude!" Kristin shouted. "Are you okay?" She really began to worry about her cousin.

" Yeah," Jude answered. "I think I just, came down with something. I don't know.

"Yeah, umn well your dad told me to tell you he'd be home later. Something came up at the office." Kristin sat there still with a concerned look on her face. " Maybe we should get you to the doctors office ?"

Jude's eyes shot back open fast. "No, no no doctors, I hate doctors Kris, I'll be okay. People at school are sick, I think it's just a flu..." Jude's voice trailed off.

"Okay..." Kristin looked at Jude as she heard Jude's phone go off. "Do you want me to get your phone or should I?"

"You can get it Kris," Jude, closed her eyes, against several waves of dizzyness, and nausea."

"Okay Jude." Kristin reached over and opened Jude's phone as she looked at the picture. "It's Tommy." Kristin said as she opened hit the answer button on the phone. "Hello?" "Hey is Jude there?" "Yeah, but she's kinda sleeping. She's not feeling all that well right now." "Can i take a messege?" "Yeah tell her Tommy called." "Okay Tommy, i will." Kristin said softly into the phone trying to keep the tone of her voice down. "Bye." "Bye Kristin." Kristin then hung up the phone

" Tommy?" Jude muttered softly..."oh tell him sorry"

"I already hung up hun. Sorry." Kristin looked at Jude. "Umn yeah let me go grab some canada dry and crackers for you Jude." She said looking at Jude.

Jude nodded. "Gah! why do I keep moving my head," Jude said exasperated. "Thanks Kris."

"Youre welcome Jude." Kristin replied as she got up from her chair and went downstairs,into the kichen, she pulls a glass down. Then went towards the fridge and grabbed the bottle of canada dry. Pouring some into the glass after unscrewing the lid and poured it in the glass then she screwed the lid back on the bottle placing it in the fridge then walked towards the other cupboard and grabbed some crackers bringing them upstairs to Jude then placed them on the nightstand.

Jude sat up a bit so she could take a drink, her mouth felt dry and hot. She grabbed the glass, and took a few large swollows. The coolness felt great going down her throat, After feeling parched for so long. Jude set the glass back down on the stand, having, had enough. She pulled the blanket up, and returned to a fetal position.

" Feeling any better?" Kristin asked.

Jude closed her eyes, everything still spinning around her. Her stomach turned trying to revolt against the gingerale she put in it. "No, please," she thought to her self, squeezing her eyes shut tightly, and laying back into a fetal position. Almost like it would make it dissapear

Kristin saw Jude do this and got up heading towards the bathroom to grab a bucket for Jude and brought it back to her placing it next to the bed. "Are you okay Jude, you're not looking so well."

" I don't feel well," Jude groaned. She remembered when she was little, that was the last time she had actually felt this sick. Her mom used to sing to her, and rub her back. Now her mom was gone, and it hurt. Although she shouldn't be thinking about that, at the moment, but she couldn't help it.

There's a bucket next to your bed incase you need it Jude. " Kristin said looking at Jude concerned. "You need to prop yourself up so you're not laying flat on your back." Kristin suggested as she looked at Jude.

Jude sat up, pulling a couple pillows behind her, putting them ontop of each other, and layed back onto them. "There, propped up," She whispered. "I'm sorry Kris, I'm so pathetic arent I?" She said. Jude just hated being sick all together. Not that anyone was kin to it, but she especially, it made her feel too vulnerable.

"No hun. You're not pathetic at all." Kristin replied looking at Jude. "You're just not feeling well. Your body is trying to fight off the bug in your system." She watched Jude prop up herself up on pillows.

"What ever this bug is," Jude almost whined. "This is terrible, I have so much to do, I can't be sick Kris..."

"Well unfortunately, we dont get to choose when we're sick. " Kristin replied. "Maybe because you've been so busy your body just couldn't handle anymore ."

"Maybe, I don't know. It's one thing after another lately. Dad is going to think that I'm just trying to weasle my way out of school this week. Thats not true, Just.." Jude started coughing. "Blah, gosh that didn't feel too well," She rasped when the couging had ended.

"Jude, i'll talk to uncle Stuart for you and tell him you're too ill. You shouldnt be going to school sick because you're just going to slow down the healing process." Kristin looked at Jude as she laid there on the bed. "All it's going to do is cause you to be sick even longer."

" I know, but right now he's trying to play mom and dad, I guess it's hard for him..."Jude trailed off closing her eyes, against a wave a nausea. " It looks like it's getting dark, Kris, what time is it?"

"It's only 6:30 Jude." Kristin replied. " It would be hard because he feels like he has to be super dad. Do you remember when my dad and mom got divorced? how crazy he was? I remember Sadie going ..."Uncle Dennis where's Aunt Judith at?" and he let your dad explain what happened. " Kristin crossed her legs as looked at her sidekick and shut it off setting it back down.

Jude moved, turning back to her side trying to get comfortable. She looked at Kristin. "Maybe it is a heavy load for dad. I mean he cheated on mom, but mom, she..she just took off, left everything up to him, like she just didn't want us anymore. Dad has always been supportive. I can see where he is stressed. I just don't know how to help." Jude said softly. Her throat feeling sore now, and when she coughed, the room turned in dizzying circles. "Me getting sick is the last thing he needs, without mom here. She was always the one to do that job, I don't think he'd have a clue. I just hope you and Sades don't catch it..."

Kristin looked at her cousin trying to find the words to comfort her "Well Jude like it's hard i get that. For a long time my dad just kinda kept to himself trying to play super dad. I think your dad just wants you to be a kid and not worry about being a grown up. i think that's all he really expects from you right now. You know?" Kristin tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Sadie and i will be fine as long as we eat healthy and stuff." kristin smiled. "Plus we can help take care of each other."

" Yeah true, I'm old enough to take care of myself. I just feel so, blah you know." Jude coughed again, followed by more dizzyness, and nausea. "Gosh! I'm already sick of being sick," Jude said.

"Yeah I know hun. I remember this one time I got sick and was in school during my 6th hour which was Mr.Miller's math class . i believe sophmore year. I was so sick that I almost passed out . So during class is when it really hit me and i was like "Mr.Miller can you please shut the window." "How many of you want the window closed?" Noone even raised their hands. So i sat there and he's like "Sorry Kristin I cant shut the window because majority ruled on this matter." so I was like uh ok thanks. So I went to Alex's basketball practice because she played on the team. Ifelt dizzy so i went into the couch's office and went to sleep. i got home and like i had an 102 fever and it kept getting higher and higher. so I kinda know how bad you feel." Kristin sighed alittle bit.

Just then they heard a noise come from down stairs, unsure of who it was, Jude sat up in bed, and looked towards her bedroom door, followed by Kristin's eyes.

"Should i go check?" Kristin asked.

Jude nodded keeping her eyes closed, but just as Kristin reached the door to the room, she called back out to her. "Kris wait!"

"Yeah Jude?" Kristin said as she stopped and turned around looking at her.

" I feel really sick," Jude sat up quickly a hand flying over her lips, the room swirling, around her.

"Jude i placed a bucket next to the bed." Kristin replied as she sat down back in the chair.

" oh," Jude said between her fingers, and leaned down over the side of the bed, waiting for the inevitable to happen. Her stomach was turning, she felt like she would, but for some reason, it wasn't happening. Her hair fell into her face. and she let her body lean against the side of the bed. Not paying attention to the noise, of footsteps climbing the stairs.

Kristin walked over to the bed after getting up out of her seat and grabbed a hair tie and grabbed jude's hair pulling it back off of her face. " Yeah here Jude. let me get the bucket for you so you dont have to lean down to get it."

She reached down to grab the bucket and handed it to Jude. still listening for the footsteps creeping up the stairs.

Sadie emerged in the doorway of Judes bedroom looking exhausted some. "How is she?" She asked Kristin, although it was a stupid question juding by the sight in front of her.

"She's feeling really bad right now Sadie. I'm really concerned." Kristin replied looking from Jude to Sadie. "how was work?" kristin asked.

"It was ok, I guess." Sadie entered the room, sitting on the bed next to Jude, rubbing her back. "Darius and his fun fun things." Sadie closed her eyes for a brif second. "What is this she thought to herself" Feeling lightheaded.  
"Sadie are you okay?" Kristin asked noticing that Sadie seemed to be feeling sick.

Sadie opened her eyes. " Oh yeah sorry, just a little light headed. I think I may be just tired."

"Yeah maybe you should go lay down Sadie." Kristin watched Sadie open her eyes. Do you want me to bring you something tea or coffee or something?"

Sadie shook her head no, and left the room, to change into some pyjamas.

" I don't think It's coming Kris, Jude said dropping the bucket back to the side of the bed, and curling back up, under the blankets.

"Okay. Umn let me go check on Sadie to see how she's doing alright?" Kristin looked at Jude showing a small smile she was extremely worried about Jude and Sadie too.

"K" Jude said closing her eyes.

Sadie had finished dressing, and pulled her hair into a loose ponytail, just as she was hit with a sudden wave of nausea, she ran for the bathroom across the hall from her room.

Kristin got up and looked at the hallway heading towards Sadie whom she just heard dash off to the bathroom and followed her in there. She stood behind Sadie holding her hair back. "Okay Sadie i'm here. " Kristin gently rubbed Sadie's back.

" Thanks Kris," Sadie said as she finished. She stood, up walking towards the sink, she turned the tap on and rinsed her mouth. 'Must be a bug going around, there aint no way Jude gave it to me this quickly," Sadie said softly.

"You're welcome Sadie." Kristin said as she let go of Sadie's hair as she looked over at Sadie then followed her into the bedroom "Yeah must be. Just go lay down in bed with your sister. I'll go grab some ginger ale for you guys." Kristin walked into Jude's room grabbing the cup going downstairs and grabbing the canada dry again and pouring some into the glasses.

Sadie Crawled into bed next to Jude.

"Thanks, Jude. Alot." Sadie whispered next to her.

"What?" Jude asked.

"I'm sick."

" No problem, mom and dad always told us to share right?" Jude tried to giggle but it turned out sounding like a strangled cough/gag type deal. She quieted herself, and closed her eyes, before she had to repeat what Sadie just did.

"NOT-Cough, coughFunny, Jude!!!"

Lifts pillow from behind my head and begins to hit you with it, but quickly runs out of breath, and stops, laying across your thighs.

"Don't you say a damn thing. I know this is wrong, but I'm too damn tired to move."

Kristin grabbed the glasses leaving the canada dry out on the counter and carried them upstairs for the girls. "Here you guys go." kristin said softly as she brought Sadie some and Jude some as well. Do you guys want anything else?"

Jude and Sadie both shook their heads no, the thought of anything else at the moment was unbearable.

"Don't spill it on me, I'm to tired to get up and change," Jude said, to Sadie, giggling some.

Kristin sat down on the chair. "Okay." She looked down at her sidekick as she started to feel a bit woosy herself. She was trying to shake it off but it just wasnt working. "Oh not me too." kristin said looking at Jude and Sadie.

"What?" they both said in correlation with each other

"Nothing." Kristin replied trying to act as if she was just fine. "I'm just gonna go slip into something more comfortable."

Jude and Sadie looked at each other. "What was that all about?" Sadie asked, Jude shrugged her shoulders, and closed her eyes. She felt completely horrible. "Sades I think we caught the plague.." She joked.

Kristin walked into her bedroom stripped out of her jeans and speggetti strapped tank and slipped into Rolling Stone's t-shirt and some pink pj pants then walked into jude's room. "okay back."

"Uhm nothing. I'm fine." Kristin said looking Sadie and noticed Jude sleeping.

"Ha!, I know you better than that Kristin, we grew up together. Out with it," Sadie said, sitting up some.

"I-i think i'm catching it. the thing you guys have." kristin replied .

" Oh no, are you okay Kris? Sadie asked.

"Yeah i'll be fine. i think maybe i should go lay down or something." Kristin looked at Sadie as she shut her eyes briefly and felt dizzy.

"This bed is big enough for all of us, or we can all go down stairs, and light the fire, and lay down there, with the TV, if we can get Jude to move?" Sadie said.

"Yeah that sounds good to me. We could carry her or something. Jude looks so exhausted i'd hate to wake her up. " Kristin looked at Sadie.

"At this point I don't think we can carry her." Sadie shook Judes shoulder. "What? what is it? jude responded sleepily. "We're going to go downstairs, and lay down hun, so we have the fire, and the TV. and there is more room. Common we'll help you." Sadie said, helping Jude sit up. " I'm not a kid Sadie, I think I can walk. Jude pulled herself out of the bed, sleepily, grabbing her pillow and comforter with her, and headed out to the hall, followed by Kristin and Sadie.

"Yeah i think you're right Sadie. " Kristin replied "Yeah we're gonna go stairs Jude. Sadie do you want me to grab some pillows for you or something?" Kristin asked.

"Sure, I'm going to walk down with Jude just incase, will you be alright?"

When they all finally met downstairs, Jude had plopped herself on the couch, and curled up inside the blanket.

Sadie lit the fireplace, then decided to lay on the sofa adjacent to Jude. She fell asleep quickly, while Kristin unfolded the reclyner, pulling a blanket up overherself, she too closed her eyes, getting comfortable.

Stuart Harrison parked his car in the driveway. Seeing that there wasn't many lights on inside the house, he wondered if his girls were even home. He gathered his keys in his hand, and umlicked the front door. Walking into the foyer, he set his breifcase down, and called out to whom ever could be home. "Jude? Sadie? Kristin? anyone home?" He heard no response. "Where are they?" He asked himself...

Stuart walked into the foyer, Setting the rest of his belonging down before making his way into the dimly lit living room. He looked around seeing that the fire had been, lit, and All three girls were sound alseep. Jude on the chesterfield one arm dangling down, near where a bucket was placed at her side. Sadie was snuggled on the loveseat adjacent from Jude, and Kristin in the recliner. Soemthing wasn't right with this situation, he thought. His eyebrow furrowed, as he made his way further into the room, approaching his youngest daughter. He shook her shoulder gently.

"Jude?"

Jude opened her eyes slightly, at the sudden intrusion of her much needed sleep. "Dad? Oh gosh," Jude placed a hand on her sticky forhead.

"What is going on Jude?" Stuart asked, still a bit confused. "Like I tried to tell you this morning. I am sick dad, So is Sadie and Kristin," Jude mumbled. Closing her eyes, against the dizzyness that had already settled back into her head.

Stuart put a cool hand to his daughters forehead gently, then bringing it back. "Jude your burning up, have you tooken anything?" "yes dad, Sadie gave me aspirin." Jude's voice sounded harsh. "Okay sweetie well. I'm sorry for not trusting you. I've just been so stressed lately with everything." stuart said, pushing away some of the hair that clung to her forehead. "It's okay dad I understand," Her voice came out in a rush. Stuart nodded.

Kristin and Sadie both stayed sleeping as Jude and her father continued talking. Kristin mumbled something in her sleep "where did Stephen go?" she then turned over. she was dreaming of her ex boyfriend and when they were in cabo. Sadie slowly started to wake up. "Dad?" she groaned. "Yes Sadie it's me." he replied. " Where's Kwest?" she asked half asleep not realising she was at home. "He's probably at his house dear."

"Dad, I'm really sick. " Jude said as she continued laying against the chesterfield. "Well Jude if your fever continues to rise. we're going to have to make a trip to the..." Jude's eyes enlarged. "No...no no no no no no no no no no ...not the doctor. I feel better! I swear!! see, Jude sat up quickly pulling the blankets off, only to be hit with a sudden fit of coughs, ending in dizzyness that braught her right back to her pillow.

"Jude, it's not happening," Stuart said, laughing a little at his daughters failed attempt to fool him.

Kristin opened her eyes at the conversation. Kristin looked at Jude "Jude maybe you should go to the doctors. " She shouldnt have said that but she wanted her cousin to get better. she couldnt stand anyone feeling bad. " Jude looked over at her. "You should be one to talk Kristin" Jude coughed out. "You're sick too, and that's just not fair." Jude felt like a child pouting, but she hated the doctor, and would almost avoid it at all costs.

"Oh shut up Jude. you're worse than I am." She joked. "Whoever said life is fair lied." She looked over at Jude sleepily and smiled softly. she stretched her arms out. " uncle stuart. i dont feel so well" kristin yawned as she sat up and held her stomach She then jumped up taking off for the bathroom.

"I know they lied," Jude tried to yell out, but it sounded more like a strangled whisper. Kristin hardly heard what Jude said because she was quiet. " God this sucks." she felt like collasping from the run up the stairs to the bathroom. She continued to run or well jog and made it to the toilet lifting up the seat and vomiting.. "EWww" she said to herself.

Jude would go in there, but at this moment she didn't think that she could stomach it so much. Now she felt bad for Kristin, She made her way off the chesterfield (couch), with a look from Stuart, and went to help confort Kristin, even though she felt absolutely terrible herself. "Kris," Jude opened the door of the Washroom with a shaky hand, and made her way in to confort her cousin who she was sure, she had gotten her sick...She felt guiltly.

Jude grabbed a washcloth from the shelf, she moved to the sink, and turned on the tap, wetting the cloth in cool water. She turned the tap off, wrung it out, then went back to Kristins side. Pulling her hair away from the back her neck, she gently placed the cool cloth in it's place. " You okay Kris?" Jude Whispered.

"Yeah?" she said weakly. "Thanks Jude." she replied as she heard her cousin pull back her hair... "That feels good Jude. since when did you become miss nurse?" She asked looking at Jude and laughed alittle bit.

"Since the fact that I got you sick, and I'm sorry. I feel bad," Jude Rasped. Trying not to luagh, her head hurt too much. Not to mention the fact that her stomach was twisting. She tried to keep her thoughts on the task in front of her. So she herself wouldn't be doing the same. She cringed at the sound of her cousin being sick. Closing her eyes tightly concentrating on willing the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach to dissapear.

"Jude are you okay?" kristin asked looking concerned once she had finished being sick. She got up and rinsed her mouth spitting out the water. She walked over to the toilet and flushed it. Looking back over towards Jude, Who sat on her legs on the tile floor of the washroom. Her eyes closed tightly, and a hand clutching at her stomach. Conciously willing for all of this to go away right now..." Kristin we have the plague!!! she whined." Jude scooted herself closer to the toilet, grabbing, a towel off the hanger, she pushed it under her knees, She crossed her arms over the seat of the toilet and rested her head ontop of them.

"Ugh the plague...wasnt that in the 1920s? "She asked looking at jude and she ran her fingers through judes hair pulling it back. Jude laughed. If you don't count Little House On The Prairie. And if you count Anthrax in 2001, yeah..I think...Her stomach twisted. "God no not again!" She said to the air around her. "Please god no, don't let me puke, Please God No," She said, almost wanting to cry, but almost laugh at the pitiful situation she was in at the same time. Her emotions were gone...

"Shoot." Kristin thought looking at Jude, still holding her hair back from her face so she be sick in her hair. she looked at the floor then looked back at Jude "god no, dont start a chain reaction." kristin thought to herself.

Jude rested her head in her arms, still praying her little prayer, that she wouldn't be sick again. Her thoughts went to her father having said something, about the doctor. Making her shudder at the thought of a needle. "Ewww," she said out loud. " No no no no go away." She knew her father would make her go to the doctor if this gets any worse. For some reason she found herseld Terrified of needles. at the grandest they would have to hold her down, and strap her to the damn table.

Kristin felt her cousin shudder . "Are you alright?" she asked walking to the cupboard and grabbing a washrag and dampening it handing it to Jude who looked like she broke out in a cold sweat.

Jude didn't repond to her question, lost in her own array of thoughts. She could see it now. The whole fight between the doctor, Jude + NeedleRUN!!!!. It would take alot of people for that one. She wasn't quite sure what had made her so afraid of needles. Maybe something as a child that traumatized her. All she knew not though, is that she hated them, more than that. She was terrified of them.

Kristin sat there looking at her cousin who was apparently in her own little world. "Jude?" She asked as she looked concerned for Jude "everything okay?"

Kristins voice tore jude from her thoughts, "What? oh yeah sorry. I just don't want to go to the doctor," She responded shuddering again.

"Yeah. I know hun." Kristin responded knowning completely what Jude was talking about.

Suddenly before Jude could respond her stomach took over, and she was sick again. She moved her arms quickly to hold on to the sides of the seat, for support. Stuart heard Kristins soothing words between Jude's heaves. Feeling as if he should do something, he wandered to the open bathroom door and peeked in. Jude was on her knees in front of the toilet and Kristin was kneeling beside her, holding her hair away from her face. When the spasms subsided, Kristin stroked her Jude's hair and soothed, "Do you feel better now?"

Jude sat back, mustering the strength to be embarrassed by her audience, but too tired at the same time to care. "Are you okay honey," Stuart asked warily. His brows furrowing. "Jude nodded, she felt completely horrible, but she didn't want the subject of the doctor coming up again.

Suddenly Jude's cell phone chirped in her pocket. She had forgotten all about putting it there, until now. She was too exhausted to even want to worry about it...She just let it ring and ring inside her pocket not caring who it was at this point. Stuart was unsure whether to grab the phone or not, just as Kristin lunged herself toward the tub. "Oh no!!" He thought out loud. " How am I going to do this?

Just then he heard Sadie who had woken up suddenly, call his name from the living room. Then the sounds of her being sick. " No!! omg what am I going to do now?" Stuart asked himself

Jude's phone had stopped ringing now due to her not answering.

Stuart folded up a towel and set it on the floor for Kristin to kneel on, the grabbed two washcloths, running them under cool water, he wrung them out, and placed one, on the back of Judes neck, and the other on Kristins.."Thanks uncle Stuart." kristin said looking at him cracking a small smile. "Sadie are you alright ?" kristin asked loud enough for Sadie to hear it. "Yeah i'm okay." she said leaning over the bucket.

How in the world did all 3 of you come down so sick at the same time?" Stuart asked. Just as he heard jude's Cell phone begin to ring again, which was placed in the leg pocket of her pyjama pants. Jude, pulled it out quickly not missing a beat she threw it onto the floor next to her. Then replaced her arm back in place so she could rest her head, she wasnt throwing up again yet but she felt really close to doing so, and dizzy at the same time.

Stuart grabbed Jude's phone looking to see who the caller was, He hit send to answer. Kristin looked over at Jude. "ugh how long do you think this will last? "What?" Jude asked "us being sick?" she asked looking at Jude still. " I don't know, someone should just shoot me and get it over with," She said her voice muffled by the way she had layed her head into her arms. "no...no...no...no...no..." kristin said repetitively. "no one should shoot you."

" I was kidding, Kris, I just feel so shitty," Jude said. Her stomach felt like it was trying to turn itself inside out. Stuart pressed send on Jude's phone and answered. "Hello, Jude's father speaking," "I'm sorry. me too. kristin...wait I mean Jude." she was out of it so she had no idea what she was saying.

Jude giggled some," Well Thanks Kris...forgetting your own name now...Yeah and next i think I'll bust out the tiny toon adventures theme song." She laughed. Jude laughed..."no don't make me laugh," she whined. Uhm hey Mr.Harrison. it's Tommy. Is Jude around?" he asked as he sat in the studio waiting for her dad to respond. " She is, but she is unable to come to the phone right now. Can I take a message," Stuart asked. Just then Jude had stopped laughing when she was caught off guard by coughing fit, turning into a retch, followed by vomiting somemore. At this point she had felt so misreble she began to cry. She just wanted it gone, she knew she hadn't had the plague, in fact this was definitely the flu, she had known, from past experience as a child. The last time she had actually had the full on flu she was about 12 years old.

"Uh yeah would you tell her I'm right outside actually." Tommy replied. "I just pulled up in the viper." Tommy put the car in park and shut it off. "Jude are you okay?" kristin asked as she sat there looking at her cousin who looked as if she was feeling helpless because she was so sick.

"Yeah I'm ok," Jude coughed, and spit into the toilet somemore. "okay." she replied as sat there and started getting sick again "ugh this sucks so bad." Stuart had let Tommy into the front door. "Thank god you are here, feel like staying for a while and helping me, all 3 of the girls are really sick. I'm havig a hard time here Tom?" he asked. "Yeah sure Mr. Harrison." he replied looking at Stuart. "So where are Jude and Kristin?" "In the bathroom, I don't think they will be coming out any time soon. It's like cough vomit..." "Okay, well you stay out here with Sadie. I'll go in with kris and Jude." Tommy replied as he slipped off his sunglasses and put them in his jacket pocket.Tommy made his way to the bathroom just to find the two girls, practically in tears being sick.

"Jude? I think someone is in here. " kristin said softly looking at Jude before leaning back over the tub and getting sick again. Tommy quickly made his way to Jude's sick, pulling her hair out of her face. He was able to feel the heat radiate off her body, just at the touch. "Geeze Jude, your burning up.," He wrapped his arm around her waist for support as he could see her stance begin to become a little wobbley. She had finally finished and reached up to flush the toilet, still silently crying. Tommy pulled Jude into him, holding her into his arms, gently rubbing her hair, speaking sofly into her ear. "It's going to be ok. Shhh calm down. Soon it will be over girl. I promise." He looked over at Kristin who had turned the faucet on to hot in the tub to try and rinse away the mess.

"are you okay Kris?"

"I've been better." she replied softly looking at Tommy as he held Jude in his arms. "i feel like i've been hit by a bus to be honest." she looked back to the tub as she rinsed away the mess and sat next to the tub almost clenching it."I Think I should get you girls into bed. Kris don't move I'l be right back." Tommy lifted Jude into his arms like nothing, She rested her head on his shoulder closing her eyes, as he carried her out of the bathroom, and up the stairs into her bed. Where stuart had laid clean sheets and a comforter. Along with a towel and a bucket on the side. He gently laid her down, knowing she was half asleep already, and covered her. Giving her a small kiss on the forhead. He returned downstairs, and to the bathroom, where Kristin was told to sit tight.

"Okay, it's not like i can go anywhere Tommy. " she replied softly looking at Jude who he picked up and carried her into her bedroom. "ugh. " she said to herself feeling herself vomit yet again. "I feel like imma die." she said to herself. "Tommy rubbed Kristins back until she finished being sick. He then helped her clean up, before lifting her also into his arms, and carrying her up the stairs, to play it safe, he layed her beside Jude in her bed, that way they could both be kept an eye on at the same time. He helped her cover, placing a trashcan next to the side that he had laid her down. Looking over, he could see Jude breathing evenly, which helped calm his nerves.

It worried him beyond comprehension when she was sick, or hurt. Not that he had seen much of it, hence so much worry now. She looked peaceful atleast for the time being. Tommy looked back at Kristin. Try and get some rest hun. (she was like a little sister to him, in that aspect). If you need anything just holler ok. He said. Rubbing a few strands of hair from her feverish face,Then left the room, to go help clean the mess down stairs.

"Thanks Tommy." Kristin whispered looking up at him as he helped her into the bed with Jude. "I'll try." she shut her eyes turning onto her side to get comfortable.

Tommy quietly made his way out of the bedroom, and went downstairs to help Stuart clean, and disinfect things around the house. Sadie had made her way to her own bed, and it seemed quiet for now.

after everything was clean, Tommy say with Stuart on the chesterfield, watching a movie quietly.

The girls had woken up sick a few more times during the night, but no where near as bad, must be a 24 hour bug. Tommy thought to himself, as he fell asleep on the couch, as Stuart made his own way to bed, keeping an ear out at the same time.

Tommy decided that he would stay with Them for the next few days to help nurse the girls back to health. Mainly his number one girl...Jude...

A few weeks later...

Jude sat lazily strumbing her guitar in Studio A, feeling a little remiss, and bored. The day hadn't exactly flown by. She felt like she needed some type of break. Maybe a night out. Although she knew Darius had other unseen plans for her tonight. Considering she had spent a full week out of work not to long ago trying to recouperate from the flu. Not the best experience in her life, although Tommy was extremely comforting during that time.

Jude jumped and looked up as she heard someone open the door a few feet away. Her cousin Kristin slipped inside. "Hey Jude. Whats up?" She asked nonchalantly. Jude shook her head. Indicating that nut much was going on at this point. She stood up setting her guitar aside. She walked over to where Kristin was standing, against the door frame. "Ummm, Kris how would you feel about going out later. I have a meeting with Darius, but Tommy wanted to meet me at Unit later. Would you like to join us?" She asked. "Sure," Kristin smiled.

"Okay then, it's a night, I might be a little on the late side, so I may have to meet you and Tommy there, if thats okay, Darius has this weird meeting that he would like me to attend" Jude finished.

"Oh thats completely fine, as long as you get your ass there is all that matters hun. We need a night out for fun." Kristin said, standing up stright again. Jude nodded, as Kristin walked out the door. "See ya later hun," She said behind her. "Yup."

Jude decided a cup of coffee sounded nice so she also made her way out the door and into the lounge where she discovered Spiederman, and Karma raxing on the Chesterfield. She made her way over to the coffee pot pouring a cup, and grabbing a muffin from the counter. She began to walk back out, when she was caught by Karma. Jude rolled her eyes, as she stood in front of her...

"You know Jude, you seem to be gaining an awful lot of weight lately," Karma said pointing to Jude's waist, which hadn't seemed any different to her. What was Karma insinuating. "Must be really cracked, eating that much, that isn't good for your firgure," Karma pointed to the muffin in her hands. "No one wants a whale for a rock star Jude think about it, no wonder Tommy doesnt want you, He'd be afraid to look at you like that. I suggest a diet" Karma bit at her. Jude rolled her eyes and pushed past her, walked out of the lounge. What the hell was her problem? Jude asked herself. Myabe she is just insecure about herself, Jude wondered, looking down at her waist. She couldn't be right could she.

Jude shook the thought from her mind, and made her way back into the studio. before she was supposed to be at this supposed "extremely" important meeting with Darius.

Before Jude had known it, Time must have flown by, because she noticed the time, and people begining to leave. "Uhhh, why me?" She asked the walls around her." I swear he likes to punish me..." Jude brushed herself off, and made her way to Darius's office. "This should be fun..."

"Have a seat Jude," Darius nodded to the chair in front of her desk. She began to wonder what this was all about, when she saw a smile spread over Darius's features.

"Girl I know this may seem a bit as a surprise for you, but I called you in here because I wanted to show you this," Darius pulled a paper out of his desk, handing it to Jude.

Her eyes widened quickly, as a huge smile spread across her face. "Omg Seriously triple platinum!! Darius you have got to be kidding me!!, Jude jumped from her seat, and grabbed Darius into a hug!! "Thank you, Thank you!!, now this is something worth celebrating!" Jude giggled.

"Yes it is girl, I would love to share your glory, but I have some stuff to do, So you get out of here, and have a good time girl. Tommy asked me to give you this." Darius handed Jude the note.

She opened it and read. "Jude, see you at Unit, and Congratulations. Dress for a hell of a night girl. See you there. Love you Quincy."

Jude smiled and headed out the door, looking back and thanking Darius once more.

She headed out of G-major almost wanting to run. She jumped into her car, seatbelting her self. She started the egnition and was off home. So she could shower and dress...

meanwhile...

Kristin had made her way her way into the club where she was also meeting friends from back home. She noticed her friends Alex H, Jessica, Alex M, Taylor, morgan and a couple of the guys were there. "Hey guys." kristin said as she rushed over and gave them each hugs. " How are you? i miss you guys. how are things back home?" "They're great." Talan replied. "That's good. Well guys you know what we came here for so let's get partying." kristin said excitedly as she got up on the bar and started dancing with her friends to " I got that (boom boom) " by Britney Spears. Kristin continued to dance for a while on the bar. "Yeah Wooooo" she yelled jokingly as Alex M started to sing along. "I got that boom boom that you want, watching me all night long hurry up before its gone. "

Alex continued singing to the music and Kristin started feeling a bit hot and parched so she walked to Alex and said. "Yeah i'm a bit thirsty, so i'm going to get myself a water or something." "Ok Kris." Kristin jumped off the bar and straightened her miniskirt and shirt walking over towards the bar where she'd seen a mysteriously good looking guy who she didnt realize it was Tommy until she'd gotten closer to the barmaid. " Hey can i get a daquiri and a water?" Kristin asked as Tommy sat there with his shot of tequila. She looked over at the guy and noticed it was Tommy . "Tommy? what are you doing here?" "Oh i come here to unwind sometimes, after a long day in the office." "Really? that's cool." "That'll be 6 bucks miss." the barmaid said looking at Kristin.

"Here let me take care of it." Tommy offered being the true gentlemen he really is. " okay thanks, so umn Tommy are you meeting Jude here?" "Yeah I think so actually." he started slurring his speech alittle bit because he'd became a tinsy bit drunk after doing about 5 shots or more. Kristin couldnt tell because she hadn't been there for that long.

Tommy skimmed Kristins body admiriing it a bit. He got up and staggerred over to where Kristin was going. placing a hand on her hip pulling her close as they walked back over to her friends. Kristin didnt really think all that much of it because she was so used to guys doing that. "so Quincy, when's Jude going to be here?" she asked. "I-I dont know." Kristin nodded and kind of laughed at how slurred that really was.

"Oh, well you can chill with me and my friends if you want." He nodded as he continued to follow her with his hand on her hip. "You are so beautiful Kristin. " Tommy said looking at her and kissing her cheek. "Thanks...I guess." she then started to get a feeling he was hitting on her but shrugged it off.

"You know what kristin..." "hmmm?" "Want to go Dance?" He asked smiling at her. He gave her a small wink. That damn Quincy charm of his was starting to wear on her. "Yeah sure." Kristin got up and Tommy followed her to the floor both hand were now on her hips and he was licking his lips some. He really didnt know how drunk he really truely was. "God damn she's so sexy." Tommy thought to himself. "no wait Jude...you love Jude." he was battling an inner attraction for kristin now and his love for Jude. His only real attraction was jude. Kristin was just looks to him.

Tommy walked out with her to the center of the floor and started to dance with her. She started dancing with him her hips grinding against his body with him clung to her like plastic wrap. they continued to dance both of them like there was no tommorrow. He didnt want to let go of her body. "Damn. how do i contain myself around this girl?" he thought to himself no longer even thinking of Jude. He started to kiss her neck gently. "Tommy what are you doing?" "Kissing your neck." he replied. "And now going to do this. " He pulled her into a tight and long lip lock "mmmm " escaped his lips.

Jude walked into the entrance of Unit, She searched for a bit for Tommy. A smile spreading over her face. For the first time in a long time, she felt in the mood to have fun. She scanned the room, thinking that she may have spotted Kristin, Kissing a guy? She couldn't see that well.

Jude moved forward until she was in direct sight of them. Her feet froze in their place. A look of utter disbelief on her face. She covered her mouth with a hand, feeling frozen in place, not able to speak. How could he, How could she!!! of all people. Kristin knew what Jude felt for Tommy.Tommy said he loved her. He loved her dammit. Jude felt her heart break, as the scene spread out in front of her. Her feet planted in place.

Tears began to well up in her eyes, and roll freely down her face. "No!!! I can't believe this," Her voice barely came out...

Kristin quickly pulled away not kissing him back. "Tommy what are you doing? You love my cousin." She slapped him across the face. then walked away and that's what she saw her cousin. "Oh no." Kristin said to herself. "Jude..." She yelled knowing that to her cousin it looked worse then it really was...

Jude turned away from her and ran towards the back of the club, looking for a way out, any way out...

Jude looked around the back of the room, not seeing a visable exit, she spied the washroom door, and ran towards it, sliding herself inside. She couldnt see him right now, she needed some form of separation, but it felt liek that walls werent thick enough. She clicked the lock on the door, making sure it was deinitely locked she sat on the chair inside. putting her head inside her hands..."Why is it always like this?" She asked herself.

Jude made her way into one of the open stalls, even thought she was the only one in there, she felt the need for more closure...

She felt the tears run down her face, even though she tried not to let them fall, they did anyway.

Jude heard a knock at the door. "Jude it's Kristin, please talk to me, It's not what you think," Kristin pleaded with her.

Jude couldn't face her right now, not at all...

She could feel her stomach rolling, and looked down at the water in the toilet. She knew she wasn't sick, but she was beyond upset. Her thoughts began to get to her. Maybe Karma wa right. Tommy didn't want her. Hell, Tommy probably didn't even like her. Sadie and Kristin were both so much thinner than her, and atleast 100 times prettier. Why would Tommy want her when he could have bonafied beauty queens? Why would he want here when he could have blondes who could speak other languages. Everyone knew that Jude couldn't speak italian (unlike Sadie and Kristin). Hell, she could barely even say Bonjour without butchering it. So if the girls were thinner, and that's what Tommy wanted, then maybe that's what she needed to give to him. Jude pushed that thought out of her head. She couldn't be right. She told herself looking down at her waist. This is rediculous, what are you doing listening to Karma, her concious faught with her. She tried to push the thought away somemore, but it lingered.

She stood up, and stood against the bathroom stall. From the outside of the bathroom, she could hear Kristin and Tommy now pounding on the door. "Jude? Jude, let me in-...Tommy, go home. You're drunk." Jude sighed, wiping more of her tears away. "GO AWAY!!!" She let out an angry scream. "Jude, I'm sorry! I'm drunk! I wasn't thinking!!," Tommy slurred.

"Jude listen to me he kissed me. I pulled away ok. I did not kiss him back. Ask anyone who seen the entire thing. I slapped him Jude!!!" Kristin pleaded with her once again. "Please Jude let me in."

"Just leave me alone!!!" She yelled again.

Jude then made her way out of the stall, looking for a big enough window she could climb out of, right in front of her eyes duh. Jude slide the window up quietly, and climed out. She made her way out to the street from there, Hailing a cabbie to get her home.

As the cab driver drove, Jude stared emotionlessly at the passing buildings. The cab stopped at the end of the street at a stop light. She could feintly hear her name being screamed from behind them. She turned and looked out the window to see Kristin and Tommy running towards them She turned around and closed her eyes, crossing her fingers that the light would turn green. She looked back again and saw Kristin and Tommy about 15 feet away. "Light turn green. Light turn green." Jude whispered softly. "Is something wrong, miss?" She looked up, seeing that the light to turn left was green. "No. Turn left here." "Jude!" Tommy and Kristing were about five feet away. "We're in the wrong lane, miss." "Turn left!!!" "Miss, that's against the law. We're in the wrong lane." "Jude!!!???" "TURN LEFT!"

Tears began to stream down her face as the driver shook his head. "I'm sorry. I can't do that." Tommy and Kristin approached the car breathlessly and Tommy reached for the door handle. Jude quickly pushed down the lock button. The light had finaly turned green. "Go!"

"I'm sorry, miss...but if they're trying to talk to you, I'm gonna have to ask that you get out of the car..." "No!" Tears filled Jude's eyes as she stared at the cab driver. He pushed a button, and her door unlocked.

Tommy opened the door, just as Jude pushed pasted him out of the car and began to run down the street. "No no no, she kept telling herself," feeling humiliated. "How could the two people she cared for the most in her life right now do this to her?" She coudn't understand. She tried not to sob, as she ran as fast as she could, her breath coming in heaves. She glanced behind her once seeing that they weren't far behind. She COULD NOT face them right now. She tried to run faster, her lungs burning and legs aching already from the exertion.

Finally she saw a fimiliar corner, and ran towards it and around, she was close to her house now. All she needed to do was get there before them, and lock all the doors. Atleast until she could calm down enough to talk to Kristin...

As she ran towards the door, she could hear running pace being picked up behind her. She ran up to the door step and fumbled with her keys, she felt a firm grip on her shoulder. "Are you serious!?" She looked up at the sky and screamed. "What the HELL did I do to deserve this!?" She turned around as Tommy's grip pressured her to do. She looked at him and sighed. "What do you want, Quincy?" "To apologize. Look, Jude. What I did, was stupid, and inconsiderate, but you have to understand that I wasn't thinking...I'm drunk. And Kristin and I weren't trying to hurt you...I just got caught up in the moment."

Jude looked at Tommy anger showing in her eyes. "Who the hell do you think I am Quincy. You can just say osrry and your forgiven?!! Well I'm tired of you breaking my heart. I'm not like everyone else. You've shown me what you really want ok!! Stop apologizing and just leave!"

"Jude please just listen to me," Tommy said into her space.

"Really Tom!? Really!? Because that's always JUST it. You're always getting caught up in the moment. And you're always NOT THINKING!!?? I mean, tell me, is that how you ended up marrying Porchia!? Wait, no, don't answer that! Because the next thing I know, you'll be going off and telling me that you have a kid with someone. And when I ask why!? 'Because I wasn't thinking'." She taunted him, wavering her head back and fourth. His face flared with anger, and he opened his mouth to say something. Then he closed it again.

"What! Got nothing to say now!? Can't back yourself up, Quincy!? What is it?!" He looked at her again, and opened his mouth to speak. Once again, he closed it. He grimaced. "What?" She looked at him. He made a face and then leaned over, heaving into the bushes. Tears filled Jude's eyes. "Oh. my god!!!! Is that what I do to you!? Make you wanna puke!?"

Jude turned back around and shoved her key into the lock, turning it. She pushed the door open and looked back at Tommy as he wiped his face. "Jude-

Jude made sure the door was locked behind her, and ran upstairs to her room. She threw herself onto her bed, letting her tears hit her pillow. before chucking it across the room. "WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN!!, EVERYTIME I GET CLOSE TO SOMEONE THEY EITHER TURN AWAY IN DISGUST, DISSAPEAR OR DIE!" She yelled to the empty room. She had been through enough termoil lately, as if she needed more.

Jude stood off her bed, not knowing whether to feel anger or extreme hurt, She picked up her notebook and began to write.

It was a long time coming, you said you loved me.  
told me to trust you again.  
But you have broken me,  
again, and again.

I wanted to believe you.  
Seeing that smile upon your face.  
You looked so sincere,  
Now it's nothing but an empty space.

I can't forgive you now.  
Can't wash away all these tears.  
I thought it would take forever.  
but in once night.  
you ripped away.  
Showing me all my fears.

You I had something.  
Something no one else had.  
You had a longing.  
I was the only one that could fulfil.  
You lied,  
and now your breaking me apart.  
With all these tears, that cannot be dried.  
You pushed me away again.

I want to hate you so bad,  
But I love to much.  
It's such a mess up inside. I should have just handed you my heart.

You could have easier stomped on it then.  
Crushing me to the core.  
I can't handle the sound.  
Cant scream,  
Can't win this fight.  
I can't handle no more...

Jude whiped the tears from her eyes before they could leak out onto the page. She couldn't help it. She felt like another piece of her had just gone missing. She knew she should listen to Kristin, she knew she would never lie, but she was just so fleeted, and hurt at the moment, She couldn't. She hoped that maybe, just maybe it was an illusion, a stupid dreamy nightmare, in the wakes of her subconcious. Unfortunately it wasn't. She needed to know how to deal.

Her thoughts raced back to earlier ones, now. "Maybe Karma was right, Maybe Tommy needs me different, I can do that. I can be different. I will do anything but feel this pain inside right now..."

Jude got off the bed and walked down the hall towards the washroom. She slowly pushed the door open and walked over to the toilet. She stared down at it as if she didn't know what it was there for. It stared back at her menacingly. "Stop it. You can do this." She said to herself. She walked over to the door and shut it, locking it. She walked back over to the toilet and kneeled down in front of it. She didn't want to force it. She thought of the nights earlier events. Her stomach began to churn again. She looked around. She thought of several weeks before, when Tommy had been there, PRETENDING that he cared about her. That he wanted to be with her. She looked back down at the toilet bowl. Its porcelain continued to glare at her. Maybe she shouldn't have eaten so much earlier. Now she could feel it tormenting, and quilting her. She couldn't stand the hurt anymore. She wanted him more than anything in the world. Maybe just maybe if she could lose some weight, she could have him, win him back. At first she couldn't see where there was any weight to lose, but now when she looked down, all she could see was nastiness. Her thoughts once again, had reared in their ugly head. She had to do something. She couldn't wait weeks to feel him again, to know that he could look at her again...she had to do something now..

Jude could feel herself begin to tremble as she thought about carrying this ordeal out. She couldn't tell if she was plain stupid, or desperate, nor could she help the feeling of loathe toward herself now.

Jude opened the cabinet above the bathroom sink, and stared into it, not finding anything significant. She needed something. She knew diet pills would not do the trick in enough time. She ached for him already. She couldn't be without him. She needed him now, no less weeks from now. Jude sighed harshly and slammed the medicine cabinet closed. What was she supposed to do?  
She couldn't think straight, only thoughts on how she could pull this off. "Am I going crazy?" She asked herself.

She looked around. The cup full of toothbrushes was sitting on the counter. "I shouldn't..." She looked at it, and just like the toilet, it stared at her menacingly. She could hear noises being made outside the house. If she was going to do it, she needed to do it soon. She grabbed her toothbrush and looked at it. 'It'll be done faster than you think Jude...And Tommy will be with you that much quickly'.

She looked back down at the toilet and kneeled down. In the dead silence, she could hear the jiggling of the door handle to the back door. She lifted the bottom end of her toothbrush to her mouth. She slowly pushed it as far back into her throat as she could. She attempted to swallow, but her gag reflexes worked against her. She coughed hard, and felt the contents begin to rise. She pulled back her toothbrush, and then pushed it back again. Once again, she attempted to swallow, but again her gag reflexes worked against her. She threw her hand out of the way of her mouth as the contents of her stomach poured. She tried to stop after the first round, but another round quickly followed after it, running into the toilet. She heard the door open downstairs. Yet again, her stomach's contents continued to pour into the toilet.

Jude mustered the strength to throw her toothbrush where it couldn't be found, before she could be walked in on. Then spit repeatedly into the toilet. She wasn't sure that she had gotten everything she had eaten out of her, but maybe it was enough for now. At least until she was forced to eat again. She knew she couldn't tell anyone about this. They would just think she was crazy and lock her into a mental institution.

Her stomach felt like it was in spasms now, she regretted it in the least, but what else could she do. Her throat burned, along with the hot tears that continued to make trails down her pallid face. She felt herself retch again, this time against her will. "God why does everything have to come so difficult!" She thought.

She could faintly hear footsteps on the stairs. She hoped that she had hidden the toothbrush enough. She didn't want to throw it back into the clean cup. She heard the door handle jiggle as she felt her stomach spasm again. She hunched herself over the toilet, getting sick again. She threw up into it as the door opened.

"Jude?"

She looked up and saw Sadie...

Once again her stomach spasmed.

"Jude you okay?" Sadie rushed in crouching down next to her sister, And pulling her away from her face.

"Yeah," Jude gasped for a breath, "Just d...don't feel well," She lied.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jude looked up at Sadie, hoping she wouldn't get suspicious about what was going on. She turned when she heard another set of footsteps on the stairs. She prayed it wasn't Tommy. She definitely could not face him, not right now.

"Sadie, Jude?" She yelled into the house..." Are you guys here?" Kristin said shutting the house door and walking upstairs to see if her cousins were around. Jude's eyes widened, oh gosh, She glanced over where she threw her toothbrush out of site, feeling paranoid, and stupid now, but it was too late. She and already done it. There was no room for guilt. She knew they wouldn't see the toothbrush, but paranoia decided to play games with her.

Kristin walked towards the bathroom where she'd heard a noise and knocked on the door. "Jude? Can I come in?" she pleaded "please?' she was worried Jude hated her for what had happened. She honestly did push him away from Tommy. She just hoped Jude would let her explain.

Sadie looked over at Jude completely unaware of what had happened. She eyed her questioningly. Jude just looked away, trying not to let the tears fall. She knew Sadie would find out eventually, but she wanted all suspicion off of her at this moment.

Sadie turned and opened the door. Revealing Kristin on the other side, "Jude isn't feeling very well at the moment," She told Kristin. Sadie looked at her also, feeling the same type of tension from her that she did her sister. 'What was going on?' she wondered.

"Okay." Kristin replied sitting down against the wall and sighed. She really wanted Jude to give her a chance to explain. Tears fell down her cheek confused about what happened. How could Jude think that she would kiss her producer especially when she knew what he meant to her.

Jude bit her lip refusing to cry, she stood up, and flushed the toilet, making her way to the sink, she rinsed her mouth with mouth wash. She would have to grab her toothbrush after. Then made her way past Sadie into the hallway. She turned towards Kristin seeing the tears fall down her face, "Kris," Jude choked out. Then sat down next to her pulling her into her arms. "I believe you. I'm sorry Kris, It's okay, it just hurts so much. He always finds a way to do this. and it tears me apart. I'm sorry for blaming you. I shouldn't have. I know you better than that. You have always been here. I shouldn't have." Jude finished, letting her own tears slide down once again.

Sadie had overheard enough of their tearful conversation, to piece together a little of what happened. She felt infuriated now, she wanted to find Tom Quincy, and beat the hell out of him, for hurting her baby sister yet again. She made her way out of the door. Knowing her anger would not help anything. She needed to find something useful to do, before she got the nerve to jump in her car and do just that.

Kristin looked at Jude. "I promise you...that you always come before any guy." she said softly. "But my question is, are you okay?" she heard the door open. "Sadie...left..." Kristin said looking at Jude. She had a bad feeling about Sadie leaving the house especially if it was for the reason she thought it was.

"I think I'll be okay Kris. I just don't understand what his intentions are, is all. I can't stop thinking about." Jude whispered, Putting her head on Kristin's shoulder. She closed her eyes.

Jude heard the phone ring, but she let the answering machine pick up. It was Sadie Telling her that she was going over the Kwests house. Jude sighed in relief, that she wasn't going to find Tommy. She stood up, and grabbed Kristin's hands, and helping her up, giving her another hug. Kristin wiped her tears away. "Thanks," Jude gave her a watery smile. You're welcome Jude. Kristin replied looking at Jude. "Anything to see that million dollar smile of yours" she laughed "Wanna go get a Cinnimelt and Starbucks coffee?"

"Actually Kris, I think I just want to stay in, maybe watch a movie or something. I'm not so much up for ummm...food. Not very hungry." Jude stammered, She looked down, feeling guilt from earlier. She needed this though. She needed Tommy. She couldn't help it anymore. She looked back towards Kristin, trying to avert herself.

"Okay. Well what movie do you want to watch?" Kristin asked as she walked over to the entertainment area. "Dirty dancing? Grease?" She asked pulling them out and showing them to Jude. "What's wrong...you seem like you have something on your mind."

"It's just Tommy you know. I guess I'm still trying to examine it. I don't get it. He tells me that he loves me, and then he turns around, and either runs away, or messes with another girl. I don't think my heart can take so much more." Jude said, fighting the inward turmoil, she was forced to face.

Jude sat herself down on the chesterfield, letting her hands intertwine themselves, as Kristin put in the movie. Maybe this way it would be easier for her to think, without Kristin catching on...But she definitely did not expect to fall asleep halfway through the movie, leaning herself against the arm.

"Yeah, He shouldn't tell you he loves you unless he means it. It's like abusing the words." She replied delayed because of her own thoughts, as she sat watching the movie. She saw her cousin falling asleep and she got up placing the blanket on her then she sat back down on the couch.

A few hours later Jude had awoke to a dimly lit room, with the TV off. Kristin must have gone to bed. She didn't even realize she had fallen asleep. It must have been from the emotional toll her body had endured that night. She got up, climbing the stairs; she made her way into her own bed, and laid down onto the pillows, pulling the comforter up over herself. Not even caring if she had her pyjamas on or not. Before she knew it she was asleep again.

Kristin tossed and turned in her bed dreaming about what had happened that night. "No Tommy." she said in her sleep. "You love Jude." She groaned.

Jude was out, oblivious to anything that was going on in the house, other than her own dreamscape. Her dream began with a kiss, she couldn't see the mans face, but she knew she felt anger, why would she feel anger at someone who she was openly kissing? When suddenly her dream skipped putting her into a hallway that looked as if it would never end. She felt lost, and afraid. Calling out to anyone that can hear...Tommy!! Tommy!! Kris!! anyone here?! she called out in her sleep. It was dark so she had to feel her way along the walls. She felt now like she was being followed, not sure why, so she tried to speed up, Shaking, Tommy!! I think I need your help, I think I'm in trouble Help me!! she cried out!! just as someone grabbed her from behind she awoke, sitting up quickly and looking around her room. It was most definitely day light, the sun was shining to the slats of her shades on her window. She wondered what time it was, as she looked over at her alarm clock that was now sitting on the floor blinking 12:00, Damn, she must have swiped it off in her sleep. Jude Squinted her eyes against the sun, remembering her dream last night, and wondering what it was all about.

Jude climbed out of her bed, smelling something cooking downstairs, forgetting her thoughts; she decided to finally change into her pyjamas, and a housecoat. She pulled her hair into a loose ponytail and went down the stairs and into the kitchen...

Kristin was sitting downstairs in the kitchen as she had heard Jude coming downstairs. "Morning sleepyhead. Have a good sleep?" she asked as she brought Jude her cup of coffee. 'Here Jude.' she said looking at her cousin smiling.

"Thanks," Jude flashed her a warm sleepy smile, and began to sip her coffee sitting at the table. "What smells so good over there?" She asked Kristin who was standing in front of the stove..."Oh i made a thing of monkey bread." Kristin replied. "Want some?" she asked as she walked over to the stove and put some on a plate. "mmmm so good." She smiled bringing it over to Jude.

"and eggs?" Jude asked looking over at the plate with eggs. Jude's thoughts suddenly came rushing back to her. How could she pull this off? She had to eat it, or Kristin would definitely suspect something. Yes and Eggs. "She replied looking at her cousin. "Here eat up Jude." She smiled as she went over and grabbed herself some eggs and monkey bread.

"Ummm yeah," Jude said looking at her plate feeling disgusted. She forced herself to take a bite trying not to think to hard. She didn't want Kristin being suspicious, or maybe she could say she wasn't feeling well. That would work iether, She couldn't possibly feel sick that much. She felt like she couldn't win.

Kristin took a bite of the monkey bread. "Mmmmm i love this stuff." She smiled after taking a bite. "You feeling okay?" kristin asked looking at Jude. "Ummm, yeah, fine. Jude said forcing herself to eat once more.

Why couldn't things just work in her favour? Why couldn't there be some type of magical potion that would make her appealing to Tommy in an instant. Life just wasn't fair...

Jude managed to finish her meal and her coffee, standing up, she set the dishes in the sink. She felt afraid. She knew what she wanted to do next, but she was afraid. Afraid she would loose control...no no she could handle this, She could stop anytime she wanted. She just couldn't be caught...

Kristin saw and knew something was not right especially by the sound of her cousins voice. "Yeah do you want me to take you to the studio? or to the school?" kristin asked as she watched Jude's movements slowly. "Ummm, I think I'm going to stay home this morning Kris," Jude went to the refridgerator grabbing a bottle of water to avert Kristins attention. She unscrewed the cap, and drank a good amount before replacing the cap, and setting the bottle on the table.

Kristin took note about the amount of water Jude drank. "Yeah are you okay?" kristin looked at Jude. "Yeah, just thirsty." Jude said not looking at her. She felt disgusted with herself for eating all that. "I have to use the washroom," Jude said, and headed slowly down the hallway. "Okay..." she said looking at Jude. "I've got to run to the store and pick up a few things. Do you need tampons or anything?" kristin asked Jude. Jude giggled down the hallways. "No I think I'm good she said, right before entering the bathroom.

"Okay. " Kristin walked to the door. "i'll be back soon." She walked out of the house and walked to her car and opened the door and got inside of it.

Meanwhile Jude had found her toothbrush wrapped in a small towel where she had left it. She began to shake, the more she thought about it. She lifted the lid to the toilet bowl, and knelt onto her knees in front of it. She didn't want to give herself anymore time to think, or still be contemplating when Kristin got back, So she stuck the end of the toothbrush into the back of her throat. 'Gagging she pulled it back out quickly'. She hadn't produced anyting, so she tried once more, this time leaving it there until she could feel herself, retching and her stomach starting to heave. She threw the toothbrush aside and once again began to empty the contents of her stomach.

Kristin meanwhile sat there in her car driving the supermarket to pick up a few things. Tampons, snacks, pop and various other things. She got to the supermarket and picked up the things she had went for and then went and paid for it on her credit card. "Thanks." she said then started loading the contents of things she had bought into her car.

When Jude had finished she felt somewhat better in the aspect of the food being out of her body, but she felt disgusting still. She flushed the toilet, grabbing her toothbrush, she washed it thoroughly, the turned the tap on brushing at her teeth vigorously. After cleaning up she emerged from the bathroom just as Kristin entered the kitchen and began putting groceries away.

Kristin looked at Jude. "Hey I grabbed you some tampons just incase you needed them." kristin said grabbing them from the box of tampons and tossing them to Jude. "So did anyone call while I was gone?" she asked smiling.

Jude shook her head no, and made her way out of the kitchen, finding herself climbing the stairs again. She needed to get dressed. She had decided she would go into work today anyway.  
After being fully dressed. She grabbed her guitar and keys, and rushed back down the stairs towards the front door. "Kris I decided to go to into the studio today anyways, I'm heading out, So I'll see you later okay." Jude said.

"Okay. have a good day." she said watching Jude and flashing a small smile. "So yup I'll see you guys later." She stood there and watched Jude take off. She walked into the bedroom and laid down waiting for Jude or Sadie to come home.

Once inside the studio Jude tried to avoid Tommy as much as possible, not aware that Sadie had made dinner plans to have him and Kwest over tonight. Sadie playing lets make it better must be. Jude just worked on her song, she had begun to write last night, while she was in tears. She had managed to put a rhythm, and change up the lyrics a bit, and then she hit it off, Letting Kwest Engineer and record it for her secretly.

Before she knew it, The day had ended. She was proud of herself, for finishing the song. She knew it would be great. She just had a gut feeling. After saying her goodbye's, she made her way out of the studio, packing her things back into her car. She got in, started the ignition and drove away towards her house.

Feeling pleased with herself now. Once at home, she trotted up to her bedroom, pulling out some clean cloths, and heading for a nice long hot shower.

Jude let the hot water beat down onto her stressed muscles for a while, before washing up, and rinsing. The shower soothed her some, and took some of the tension away. Feeling refreshed, she got out, drying herself and her hair with a towel, leaving it damp some, and dressed in a rocker T-shirt and jeans. She hadn't noticed the voices downstairs, as she hummed to herself, applying a little makeup, and blow-drying her hair out.

Jude walked back into her bedroom finding her slippers, and her Guitar, Then turned to go downstairs, hopefully to only see Sadie and Kristin. Her hopes were crushed, as she heard male voices along with Kristin's, and Sadie's, very familiar male voices...Jude Shut her eyes, and took a deep breath, She didn't want to face him yet, but she would just have to deal for now. She made her way into the sitting room, making an appearance, so at least they knew she was there, then walked away into the den.

Kristin sat there and looked at Tommy. there was tension in the room due to what had happened a few nights ago. "Hey Jude." kristin said looking at her cousin smiling. "Hey girl." Tommy looked at Jude smiling happily as he gazed into her eyes. Sadie was sitting next to Kwest on the one couch and Kristin was sitting next to Tommy at a very large distance between them. "You feeling better Hun?" Kristin asked.

"Ummm yeah," Jude said watching as Sadie began to being food to the already set table. "Shit" Jude thought. "There is no way out of this one is there?" She fought the feelings inside of her, trying not to let herself tear up. Soon she would have Tommy, hopefully. She wouldn't have to do this anymore. She hated the circumstances she was in. She never in her life, in a million years thought she would find herself in this position. She had just been through so much lately. She couldn't handle anymore. She needed someone, something. Maybe she was losing her marbles, in a sense.

Jude made a look at the plate of food that was placed in front of her. It was not a small amount, not even close. Once everyone had been seated and served, they all began to eat. Jude hesitated some, until she noticed a strange look from Kristin, and turned back to her food. Taking a bite. "MMM this is good," She complimented Sadie. It was, she wasn't lieing, but all it would do was add weight to her body. She didn't need that. She felt like crying at this point, but resisted it. She couldn't show anyone the turmoil she was feeling inside. She couldn't let anyone know what was happening, or she would lose her chances with Tommy. She knew she needed him more than anything in the world, and that is what mattered most to her at this point in time.

She looked up, joining the conversation some, and continued to eat her food, knowing she was under a watchful eye. She would have enjoyed herself, if she weren't so absorbed in her own thoughts.

Once everyone had finished, Jude helped Kristin clear the table after finishing her drink. They loaded the dishwasher, and washed things up.

Jude began to feel antsy; she wanted Kristin to go into the other room. She needed to get this food out of her before it had time to settle and turn to calories inside her body. She began to fidget, feeling impatient. She watched as Kristin pulled a huge blueberry topped cheesecake from the refrigerator, and grabbed a flopper, and some disposable utensils. She could have gagged right there, at the thought in her mind, of what that could do to her body.

"You coming to have desert, I thought we could eat in the living room Kristin said, nodding her head into the direction of their guests. "Yeah, I will. Actually I'll meet you in there. I have to use the washroom," Jude stated, thanking god that her voice still sounded steady.

"Okay Jude." Kristin began to grow suspicious of Jude. she always was thirsty and always went into the washroom after pretty much every meal. She looked at Jude and then proceeded into the living room. She walked into there and then sat down entertaining the guests.

Jude made her way into the washroom, shaking, she knelt down in front of the toilet, She lifted the lid, looking at the water for a minute. She felt really apprehensive about this now. She hated throwing up, absolutely hated it, but if that is what it took to have Tommy, that's what she was going to keep doing.

Jude decided against the toothbrush this time… she looked at her shaky hands before using her pointer finger and sticking it into the back of her throat.

"Where's Jude?" Sadie asked Kristin after about 10 minutes of waiting. Kristin grew concerned. "I'll go check on her." Kristin replied getting up and walking towards the washroom.

Jude was unaware of Kristin's presence outside the door as she stuck her finger into the back of her throat producing a gag…She tried again…

Kristin opened the door quietly to see to her surprise her cousin causing herself to throwup. She never thought Jude was that unhappy that she thought she had to make herself sick. "Jude?" Kristin said as she closed the door behind her. "What are you doing?" Kristin looked at Jude with her hand over her mouth.

Jude's stomach took that moment to spasm finally and pour it's contents into the toilet. Knowing she had been caught she began to cry, she couldn't help it now, her stomach emptied itself, along with her tears.

When she could catch her breath for a minute, She looked up at Kristin with her tear soaked face. "Kris I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, please," She sobbed. "Karma said that…that I wasn't appealing…I was too fat, and when Tommy did that I thought she was right, Kristin please understand…" "Please don't tell Kris," Jude sobbed even harder.

"Oh Jude...you listened to karma? The only karma knows is how to make people feel inferior to her." Kristin looked at Jude. "You can't let her get to you Hun." She sat down next to Jude pulling her into her arms. "Tommy loves you more then anything. I swear Jude." She said trying to comfort her cousin. "I'll keep it between us but Jude you've got to stop. You could die from this."

"I want to stop Kris, I really do, I'm just so scared, and what if I can't. Am I losing it? How could I be so stupid," Jude said between her muffled sobs. "How do I know he loves me, He always runs out, or runs to someone else, so I thought if maybe I was thinner, he would appreciate me Kris."

Suddenly there was a light knock on the door. "Is everything okay in there?" Tommy asked, sincerely concerned. Jude looked up at Kristin, "Please Kris, don't tell him, please. He'll hate me now. He will think I need mental help," She cried.

"Jude, Tommy loves you...he talks about you all the time to me. I swear on my life. He plans on marrying you one day. "She said looking at her cousin."But he can't if you're going to hurt yourself. He appreciates you more then you know." She sat there still holding Jude in her arms rubbing her back. "Yes Tommy." She yelled to him. "I won't tell him but you're eventually going to have to Jude."

"I can't."

When Tommy didn't receive an answer from either one of them, he turned the door handle and opened the door, revealing the mess in front of him. "Jude?" "Kristin whats going on? Jude's sick?" He asked. He didn't wait for an answer, before kneeling down to Jude's level. "Jude, are you alright? Your crying, and you've been sick, maybe we should take you to the hospital," Tommy said softly.

"No, no no no, please Tommy, you don't understand." Jude cried. "I can't go to the hospital." Now Jude was stuck, she wouldn't find a way out of this without telling him the truth.

"Tommy...I've got this Alright?" she said looking at him. She tried to get him to go but he wouldn't leave. He refused to in fact. He wanted answers and wanted them now. "You know what Jude...I hear Sadie calling me." She said knowing that Tommy needed to hear this.

"Jude please, if something is wrong, tell me please, I'm worried. I never meant for that to happen Jude, I can't stand to see you, hurt or sick. It scares me, You know why Jude? Huh? Because I love you more than anything on this earth, and beyond that, I was stupid, and drunk. I can promise you Jude. I need you with me. I promise I will never pick up a drink again, if it means having you with me. I can't handle the distance, I need you. Please Jude, tell me that you will be okay. I need you." Tommy spoke to her, tears following a path from his eyes.

Jude looked up at him trying to calm herself a little, but the tears kept coming. Tommy pulled Jude into his arms. "Shhh baby, It's going to be okay. I'm here and I promise you, I mean It this time. These past few days have practically killed me knowing that I hurt you. I love you Jude. I love you. Tommy soothed her, rocking her into his arms.

IT seemed like an eternity before Jude could actually talk but when she did, she was able to tell him everything that had went on, From the beginning. Tommy felt guilty and dismayed, that he had part is doing this to her. He let the tears slide freely down his face, as he held her tightly. " I'm so sorry baby. I'm sorry. Please forgive me Jude, I don't know what Id ever do without you. I'd rather die, than be without you Jude. Please…"

Jude looked into his face through her tears. "Tommy, I love you, and I can't handle it without you either. I just can't."

"I'm not leaving Jude. I promise you that. This will never happen again, but Jude you have to promise me something?"

"Yeah Tommy?"

"Please Jude; don't ever do something like this again. I know you have been through a lot, but I cannot lose you."

"I promise Tommy, I honestly do. I don't know what came over me. I don't know what I was thinking. Hell Tommy I wasn't thinking. I just knew that I needed you. Again though Tommy, I promise."

With that Tommy drew her closer and kissed her, not caring. He needed her, she needed him. That's all that mattered at this moment.


	5. Chapter 5: Becoming Whole

Chapter 5: Becoming whole. 

Tommy remained in the washroom with Jude until her tears dried, and she had washed up. He pulled her into his arms once more, kissing her minty fresh mouth. He pulled from her, leaning his forehead onto hers. "I love you Jude." He felt like at this moment he couldn't say it enough. His heart felt like it had begun to tear when he saw the tears in her eyes, from what he had done to her. What kind of person was he, that he could hurt the person he loved the most as much as he has. He vowed now, that he would try his hardest to never hurt her again.

Jude pulled away from Tommy, She took his hand and pulled him from the small room. They peaked into the living room, then headed up the stairs into Jude's bedroom, where he helped her lay down into bed. He crawled in beside her, pulling her close to him, and stroked her silky blonde hair with a gentle hand. She was so beautiful, like an angel sent to him from heaven, to give to him, his every disire. "Your so beautiful," He whispered into her ear, his breath sending a chill down her spine. She felt exhausted and he knew she was. as her eyes fluttered shut, she fell out. Tommy cuddled her closer, kissing her hair, and closing his eyes beside her. It felt so good to have her like this, close to him, She really was his angel.

The anguish he had felt the past few days had drifted away, as he held her. His eyes, closing, If he could, he would gaze at her for hours. Instead he had to settle for a few stolen moments. Not that he was complaining, his angel It just makes the moments they are together so much sweeter.

Now he was here in her room. So close to her that he could feel wisps of her hair and the warmth of her breath on his face. He sighed closing his eyes, relishing in the feeling, the comfort he felt when their distance was pushed away. He wondered sometimes if he ever really had a grasp on his life. Things just seemed to exist for him, everything while seemingly new and different, is actually just one huge circle. Repeating it self over and over. The beautiful irony of it all, was that if he changed this one thing in his life he knew everything else would follow. The reason everything gets so damn tedious is because there is only one thing he really wanted... The precious angel lying next to him...

Tommy could feel the sun light pouring in on him as he opened his eyes, there was his angel in front of him, smiling warmly. He yawned slightly smiling back at her, and pulling her to him. "Good morning to you too," Jude giggled. Tommy could see the sunlight shining onto her blonde hair, making her look as if she could glow. "Good morning beautiful," He said finding her lips, with his, he kissed her intently. Running his hand over the small of her back, feeling the soft flesh where her shirt had ridden up in her sleep. His fingers remained, playing small circles, at the bottom of her back, Sending gooseflesh over her body.

Jude broke the kiss leaning her head into him. "I love you Quincy, more than anything in the world," She whispered. "Jude there is nothing in this universe that I need more than you, I need you to know that, I love you beyond anything in my life," He responded, bringing her bright smile back to her face.

"Well I guess we must get up, since we weren't seen since dinner, staying her isn't an option I suppose," Jude said, sitting up. "Work…" "Yeah you're right Jude," Tommy said pulling himself up lazily.

Jude pulled some clothing from her closet that Tommy had accidentally left there not to long ago, when he was soaked during a storm. She threw the clean cloths at him, and took her own out. Heading for the shower…"I won't be long," She said behind her, then disappeared into the bathroom.

It had only been about 20 minutes when Jude emerged from the bathroom, fully clothed, her hair still damp, but she looked beautiful. She ran a brush thoroughly through her hair, and nodded at Tommy. "Your turn," She said. "I'm going down to make some coffee, and breakfast. Meet me down stairs." She smiled then was out the door.

Hmmmm, Jude was never a morning person, not to mention a person who smiled so much this early. Last night must have done wonders for her spirit. Tommy thought, as he unclothed himself, and stepped into the hot stream of water. He looked down seeing her shampoo. 'Hmmm Milk and honey. No wonder her hair always smelled so wonderful. Not that it wouldn't anyway.' Tommy was glad that he had confessed how he felt, just not so happy about the situation that brought him to this point. He blamed himself. He knew he loved Jude, he was just so damn afraid that he would ruin her. There were just so many things she was unaware of.

Tommy pushed the negative thoughts from his head, finishing his shower. He found a bottle of hair gel, some cream, and a razor, that Jude had set out for him. He smiled. 'Does she think of everything?'

He stood towel around his waist, shaving his face, and combing at his hair, which hadn't took long, before he dressed, he decided to use some mouthwash, not having a toothbrush handy at the moment. He'd hoped Jude could actually cook, he didn't want to have to send for fire trucks. He dressed quickly, and made his way downstairs, smelling something wonderful coming from the kitchen. He was wrong. She could cook. When he entered the kitchen, she smiled widely, motioning for him to sit. He did as was commanded, watching her move smoothly with her actions, as she handed him a plate, with omelet, and beacon, toast and jam on the side if wanted. Once set in front of him, she brought over two steaming cups of coffee, setting one in front of him, then sat herself down, to enjoy her breakfast with him.

This was a luxury she rarely had a chance to see. She loved the fresh look of him in the morning. Jude found her self entranced watching him, he put his cup down, smirking at her. "Earth to Harrison," He waved a hand in front of her face. "Hmmm, oh, yeah, sorry, I spaced there for a minute," She replied feeling herself flush. "Well Jude…if you don't pick your jaw up and work on eating that breakfast of yours we will be late for work," He laughed. Jude slapped his arm playfully. "My jaw was not open, shut up," She blushed despite herself. "Girl my Jaw drops everytime I see you," He said seriously. "You are my light at dawn girl, my everything, the only reason that my days go on." He finished.

Jude felt tears mist inside her eyes, smiling, she leaned and kissed him lightly. "Quincy, you sure know how to win your way back into my graces." "It's the truth Jude. I am nothing without you. My whole world darkens when there is a gap between us." He took ahold of her hand.

"I love Tommy." She gazed into his eyes.

"Well girl, we might want to hurry and wrap this meal up, before we are late and Darius has our asses. Promise we can finish this later girl."

"Okay," She replied softly. They quickly finished their meal. And hurried out the door, before they were completely late. Darius hadn't been in the best of moods lately, and if he were to find out, that they had spent the night together, even if nothing had happened, it would be a lot worse.

She would probably lose her job along with Tommy. She couldn't think of that right now. She had Tommy, whatever were to happen while they are at work will sort itself out later.

Jude looked over letting Tommy take hold of her hand while one maintained the wheel. "Love you girl. Don't worry about D ok. We'll handle it together," Jude looked at him shocked. It was almost as If he had read her thoughts. "Wow Tommy psychic now?" She asked. "No I just know that look on your face girl. We will be okay, I promise you." Tommy pulled her hand to her lips, kissing it, while at the same time, eyeing the road ahead….


	6. Chapter 6: When It Rains It Pours

Chapter 6: When It Rains It Pours.

Jude and Tommy walked into G-major as soon as they had walked in she'd seen the entire staff sitting around a table listening to Darius.

"Uh, hey no one told me there was a meeting this morning." Jude said as she walked over to the couch and made herself a seat next to Tommy. "Jude. There you are." "Yeah D, I'm here." She said looking at him then to Tommy with a "What the hell is going on?" look on her face.

"Well now that you're here. Tonight there is a promotional party for Jude's new album. " "There's wha?" Jude asked. "But Darius the album isn't finished yet." "I know but we've got to get people pumped for it when it comes out."

"Oh...ok." Jude looked once again at Tommy puzzled as ever but she noticed Tommy then got up and walked into his office with a frustrated look on his face. "T. Where are you going?" Darius shouted. "To my office Darius." he replied.

Tommy couldn't stand what he was hiding from anymore. He had to tell Jude and he had to do it now. Jude followed Tommy into his office. "Look Jude we've got to talk." he said softly sighing he didn't want this to be the deal breaker. Something he knew he needed to do before they could even discuss a possible relationship. He knew that this may complicate things but he knew if he didn't tell her he may just lose her forever. "Jude there are some things you don't know about me. Things that I don't know if I'm ready to tell you." He said in an almost frightened tone of voice.

She went into his office to talk but she didn't know it was to have a serious discussion about his past.

"Tommy, look whatever it is come on and tell me. I can handle it." Jude replied. She wondered what it is; He'd been hiding from for so long.

Tommy looked at Jude as he brought her into his office. "Harrison are you sure you want to hear about my past?" He was unsure of telling her because it was something he still was dealing with until this very day.

"Yes Tommy. I'm sure." She could see the fear in Tommy's eyes. This fear was something she'd never seen from Tommy. He'd always hid his emotions from her. She didn't know the degree of the pain Tommy had inside of him.

Tommy Sat down next to Jude took her hands into his. "Jude, look not everything in my life was always perfect." He wasn't even sure on how to start this. "It was actually the opposite of perfect." He began to swallow hard. He hadn't even really started telling her about what caused this pain that was consuming him.

"Tommy...tell me...please." She pleaded looking into his eyes.

"I have a brother named Darren and a sister named Katie." Tommy said looking at her. "Darren's 20 years old, and Katie's 19. This is what really happened with me growing up." He was really working up the courage to tell her.

"Tommy..." She sat there looking at him. "Come on."

"Ok, here it goes." He swallowed hard as he began to tell her about his childhood… "You know it sometimes amazes me sometimes that my brother, sister and I lived through our lives, especially with the life we had. Looking at me people would think we all had an amazing childhood, they don't know how wrong they are." He looked at her then away for a minute then back to Jude.

"Go on." Jude said softly.

"Our childhood was anything but glamourous. When my parents were still married they constantly fought, and my dad would get drunk. He was different when he was drunk, he would get...mean, and violent." Tommy sat there looking at Jude worried about her reaction. He didn't know if she could handle the truth.

"Oh Tommy." Jude sat there looking at him squeezing his hand gently as he told her.

"I'm not finished... He paused briefly."I'll never forget the night i first saw him hit my mother, I was hiding near the doorway, and Darren was behind me. Katie too. He turned on us too, he beat us. Finally one night I stepped in when he had broken a picture frame, my father had picked up a shard of glass and started walking toward Darren and Katie, yelling at them for playing ball in the house, he kept swinging the shard of glass around. Yelling. I finally stepped in when I got to close. People wonder where I got that scar on my forehead. There's your answer. The glass cut me." He swallowed again nervously at the reaction.

"My mother finally divorced him; we started putting our lives back together again, piece by piece. And just when it seemed like our lives were back where they should be, I got expelled from school and joined Boyz Attack! Leaving Darren, my mother and Katie alone. My Dad still visited us, but it wasn't the same. There's a reason why us Quincy's don't talk about our family and our fathers the reason why." Tommy looked at Jude awaiting some type of reaction.

"Oh...My...God Tommy. I'm so sorry. I had no idea." Jude looked at him worried about what he was thinking about as he told her the story of his life.

"This is why I've never been able to let anyone in Jude. You've got to understand me when i say this. I Love you, girl. I pushed you away because I was afraid I was going to hurt you. I couldn't deal with it if I hurt you the same way that my dad hurt my family. "Tear started to make their way down Tommy's cheek. He knew that this girl was the only one that got him. He was also terrified of losing her too because of what he'd just told her.

"Tommy, you're nothing like him. You're kind, and gentle, Sweet, generous, an amazing person, and incredible producer." Jude said softly as place a hand upon his cheek and looked deeply into his eyes.

"Jude there are things about me that I still haven't told you. Remember the guy who showed up for your birthday and you saw me talking to him?" He sighed everything was just coming out like verbal diarrhea

"Yeah, Hunter." "Well...he came back to get revenge...for me getting his sister killed. He wants to hurt the person I love the most." He looked down tears still streaming down his cheeks. He wiped the tears from his eyes and swallowed hard again.

"That's you Jude. That's why when you sang "Love to Burn" to me I said you were drunk and Embarrassing yourself. I didn't mean it girl. I'm sorry. "Tommy broke down in tears ashamed of hiding this from her. How could she possibly love him when all he did was keep secrets and hurt her? He fell to his knees in front of her placing his arms on her lap and head on her lap. "I'm so, so, so, so sorry Jude." he repeated over and over because of how guilty he was feeling.

"Shhh, Tommy. It's ok. I promise." She said running her fingers through his hair trying to comfort him.

He kept his head and arms on her lap as tears continue to flow down his cheeks. Jude had never seen Tommy like this for once in his life he showed some emotion and was vulnerable with her.

She knew he was human after all. Tommy looked up at Jude for a brief moment. "Girl, I don't know what i would do without you." He looked into her eyes moving up to eye level and lightly kissed her. "Mmmmmmmm." escaped his lips softly. "I love you girl." He finally was able to let himself be vulnerable with her. Usually it was the other way around. Jude was the one who was always vulnerable with him, trusting Tommy not to break her heart but he always managed to do it even when it was unintentionally doing it.

"You know Tommy, I'm always here. I love you too. So much. "She replied placing her hands on his cheeks cupping them and smiling deeply looking into his eyes.

"Jude, how about I take you out tonight?" he asked looking at her.

"Tommy, we can't we've got the party." "Yeah I forgot about that." he replied.

"Okay, well lets get recording that new song girl," Tommy said. Kissing her lightly, as she walked out and into the both. Jude set the headphones on her head, grabbing her guitar she began to play, as Tommy began to record.

"Okay girl, take one, That's how you know It's Love,"

If you get out in the drivin' rain  
Stand in the eye of a hurricane  
And never think twice  
If you turn your back on selfishness  
And your thoughts are for someone else  
'Cause they've changed your life

That's how you know it's love  
That's how you know it's meant to be  
When the span of forever just never seems long enough  
That's how you know it's love

When your heart insists that you give it all  
When you no longer feel the fall  
And you just let go  
When the past is finally dead and gone  
Fate leads you somewhere to the one  
That has your soul

That's how you know it's love  
That's how you know it's meant to be  
When the span of forever just never seems long enough  
That's how you know it's love

No part of you questions  
No part of you doubts  
You're only sure this is what love's about  
And nothing and no one  
Can stand in your way  
Or keep you from saying what your heart is dying to say

That's how you know it's love  
That's how you know it's meant to be  
When the span of forever just never seems long enough  
That's how you know it's love.

Jude finished the song, Tommy was awestruck. "Girl that was astounding, wow. It was great!," Tommy said. "Not even another take girl, Now come in here and listen to yourself".

Jude smiled, and pulled her Headphones, and guitar off, then bounding into the next room, happy at the chance to sit with Tommy.

"Let's produce this girl,"

"Okay lets," She smiled.

Before they knew it, they'd worked the song into perfection, Tommy sealed it recorded. Just as Darius walked into Studio A and looked at Tommy and Jude. "Tommy, Jude don't forget there's the party at the bar tonight."

"We got it D." Tommy replied looking at Jude then to Darius. She looked at Tommy as he looked into her eyes "I'll see you later Quincy." "See you later girl, I love you." Tommy kissed her deeply, then let her go. "Love you too Quincy," Jude departed, so she could get ready to go out later…..


	7. Chapter 7 Alcohol Can Leave A Permanent

Chapter 7: Alcohol Can Leave a Permanent Mark

Jude had always wondered what would happen in this unlikely Situation, and now she finally knew -- she and Tommy both got Goofy when they were drunk and together. Go figure.

As she lifted her fourth or fifth margarita from the bar and Tipped it up to her mouth, Jude congratulated herself on the amount of motor function she had managed to retain. She felt dizzy in just the right way; the world around her,the club, the lights, the crowd, the music, her producer, was tilted but not spinning. At least, not yet.

Obviously the alcohol could have been confusing her perception, but she swore that Tommy's stool, along with his body, had been scooting closer and closer to her own since they had sat down at the bar, whenever that was. Now he wiggled his little butt on his seat as he giggled in her ear. He was relating some story about the last time he'd gotten drunk and acted, not surprisingly, stupid. 

"And there were dogs, Jude," he was saying. "Real, honest to goodness, living, breathing, I-saw-them-with-my-own-two-eyes Dogs. Right there in the alley!"

"Really?!" Jude gasped, and then she fell into a fit of giggles herself. "God, Tommy, that's just...unbelievable! Dogs in an alley!"

"Judeeeeee, I'm telling a stor-eeee!" Tommy whined, and then he took a sip of his eighth or ninth whatever-the-hell-it-was -- brown water in a double shot glass. After returning the glass, with a bang, to the bar, he cocked his head and grinned into Jude's face. His eyes were round and dreamy, as if he just could not understand why she would want to do anything but gaze at him and listen with rapture to every word that spilled from his mouth. 

And then, without even the bat of an eyelash, he slid his fingers lightly onto Jude's stocking-covered knee. An electric heat shimmied up the inside of her thigh. All the way up.

Jude stiffened. She sat poker-straight, folded her hands on her lap -- consequently trapping Tommy's hand between her wrist and her knee -- and tried but failed to be serious and appropriately businesslike. "Okay, Tommy, I'm captivated," she said, licking her lips. "How many dogs did you see?"

Tommy, however, seemed too distracted now to go on with his story. Instead, his face slowly floated even closer to Jude's. His mouth was open, his breath soft, and his eyes were fixed on her lips.

Shifting on her stool, Jude stuck her leg out and kicked him in the shin with the pointy tip of one of the new heels she had worn to work.

"Ow!" he yelped. Pouting, he reached down with the hand that was not on Jude's knee and rubbed his injured leg.

"Tommy we are in front of people, at a party for G-major we could get into serious trouble!" Jude saw Darius across the room.

"The dogs, Tommy," Jude demanded

"Oh, right! The dogs," he said, the smile returning to his face. 

He'd shed his jacket and unbuttoned the top buttons of his white dress shirt sometime before they had left G-Major. As he righted himself now, his shirt shifted, and Jude found herself entranced by sight of him. When he finally continued his story, she was only half-listening.

"Anyway, there were three dogs. And I was peeing, cuz I mean what's the alley behind a bar for, anyway?" he rambled. "So I was peeing and then all of a sudden the dogs were peeing too. But it wasn't normal fire-hydrant peeing. They were peeing on each other, Jude. On each other. Jude? Hey, earth to Jude... Hey."

Jude finally blinked when she felt him squeeze her knee. His touch felt pleasant but...strange, and she recognized that he shouldn't have had his hand there in the first place. But in the same second she told herself it was okay because what the hell, she was drunk. So she turned her gaze up to his face. He smiled at her, and she smiled back, and a lazy wave of delight passed between them. 

"What happened next, Tommy?" Jude eventually managed to ask, her voice oddly husky.

"The dogs. Right. Well, I was just completely taken aback and so I went home and I emailed an animal behaviourist about it, and do you know what she said?"

"Dogs pee on each other when they want to mark their mate?" Jude offered with a smirk.

"Yes! How did you know that?

Jude laughed. "You must have been pretty drunk that night, Tommy."

He nodded. "Mmmm hmmm."

"More drunk than you are tonight?

"Oh yeah."

"Why?" Jude's voice was quiet, and her eyes were locked with his. His face seemed to bob forward and back, toward and then away from her, over and over, in slow motion, leaving blurry, white and green trails in its wake. 

She blinked and tried to remember how many drinks she had consumed. When she failed, she decided she would just grab Tommy by the cheeks and hold him still. And then, since she was going to be holding him anyway, and since his lips looked so soft and wet, she decided she would give him a little kiss.

But before Jude could move, and before Tommy could tell her why he'd gotten so drunk the night he saw the dogs peeing on each other in the alley, the two were shoved apart by -- again not surprisingly -- another woman. 

Tommy's hand fell unceremoniously from Jude's knee as the woman wedged herself between their stools and called for the bartender. The woman ordered a drink, and then without missing a beat she turned and shoved her bountiful, half-covered breasts in Tommy's face.

"Hello," Jude heard Tommy say. He sounded amused, but she could not see his face because the woman was tall, of course, and her fluffy brown hair was in the way. Jude liked to imagine that an aggressive woman like this one scared Tommy to death. But deep down -- or maybe not so deep, now that she was drunk -- she was afraid that he was excited and pleased by this stranger's attention and her big breasts, long legs, and hooker-red lipstick.

Suddenly, Jude wanted the woman out of the way. Yesterday. She threw back the rest of her drink and then pulled at the woman's shoulder. "Excuse me."

Ms. Look-At-My-Breasts turned to Jude, looked her up and down, and then shot her a disapproving grimace that made Jude's heart burn. Then the woman turned back to Tommy and pressed her lips to his ear. 

"I can tell you're a gentleman and you'd never ditch Plain Jane over there," the woman whispered loudly enough for half the bar to hear, "but the second you're done with her, I think you should give me a call."

A moment later, the woman's arms began to move. She was doing something between her own body and Tommy's which Jude could not see. Just as Jude was about to attack the woman for making a move on her man...uh, producer, she saw the usurper slide her hand down Mulder's back to cup his ass and squeeze his left butt cheek.

Jude's jaw dropped. She sat there and blinked. And blinked. And then in a flash of fluffy brown hair and irritatingly strong perfume, the woman was gone, disappeared back into the crowd, and Jude could see Tommy again. 

He sat unusually still, staring at the back of his hand, his mouth hanging unattractively open. But then, with a sudden burst of giggles, he turned his hand to Jude to show her the phone number written there on his skin in black ball-point ink.

Jude felt the ridiculous urge to throw her drink in his ridiculous face. But her glass was empty, and instead she crossed her arms over her chest and took a minute to wonder at her own fit of jealousy. That last swig of margarita was hitting her hard, and she was glad. She would be berating herself so hard, were she sober, because she knew that were she sober, she would never think so Jealously. Would she?

Whatever.

She shook her head, trying to clear it, but succeeded only in making the room finally start to spin. Then she cursed herself for having sworn up and down to Tommy that she could hold her liquor as staunchly as any true sailor's daughter.

Trying to focus on him, Jude saw that Tommy was still admiring his conquest. "This never happens to me," he said in a bewildered tone that Jude didn't buy for a second.

"Suuuure it doesn't," she said, wishing he would put his hovering hand back on her knee. But then she figured it would be for the best if he did not. He was tainted now with Ms. Breasts' damned black ink.

Finally, finally he dropped his hand to his own knee. When he looked up at Jude, it was with shock and a tiny bit of torment over her skepticism. She could also see that his eyes were beginning to droop and she guessed that his 'limit' had been hit, probably twice thus far.

The room was still spinning and swaying, but Jude swore that Tommy and his stool scooted again towards her and hers. He dipped his head down to hers conspiratorially

"Really," he insisted. "I don't understand where you gets this idea that women are always throwing themselves at me, Jude, and that I'm always throwing myself at thems."

Jude tried not to laugh. The man actually seemed serious, in his own ridiculously inebriated way. 

"Ahem, Model bomb," she muttered, clearing her throat.

"What?!" Tommy's head perked up and he hit her with a befuddled little grin. "I never..."

"Maybe not, but Sadie seems pretty convinced that you have."

He shook his head, and Jude swore she saw his eyes spinning in their sockets. "I never," he said again. "She's not even my type"

"Shut up, Tommy. I saw a picture of her twin on the cover of one of those videos that aren't yours at your apartment."

"Ahh, Jude..." he sighed. Then he swayed forward until his forehead landed on Jude's shoulder, making her teeter.

She grabbed onto the bar to keep them both from toppling to the floor. Rolling her eyes, Jude decided Tommy had had enough. She took his half-empty shot glass from the bar and downed what was left of whatever it was. 

"He hated the song. That fucker," she said into Tommy's hair, which was, by the way, soft and sweet-smelling and delicious.

"Yeah, Darius. That fucker...fucker. Fucker Darius. Fuck," Tommy mumbled. Then he turned his face towards Jude's, rubbed his cheek against her shoulder, settled in, and closed his eyes. "Fucker."

Feeling both wistful and queasy, Jude gazed down at him and smiled. "I think it's time to go home, Tommy," she said, her lips fluttering against his cheek.

"Yeah. Fucker."

By the time they both scrambled into a cab, falling over and around and into each other in the process, Tommy had perked up again and was giggling like never before. 

"Where we goin', Jude?" he asked when she told the cabby her address. 

"My house, dad won't be home for another week, and Sadie well she is staying at Kwests tonight, Kristin she could be there, but oh well."

"Why your place?" Grinning, he slid across the cab's leather seat-back to rest heavily against her.  
Jude pushed her hand into his hair and scratched his scalp. "Cuz I want to." 

"Okay." 

With a growl, Tommy then turned towards Jude and buried his face again in her neck. She kissed his temple, ignoring the warning bell sounding in the only tiny part of her brain that remembered who they were when the sun was out. Then, tormented by the nauseating bounce and sway of the taxi, she let her head fall back against the seat and she closed her eyes.

Twenty minutes later, they entered Jude's home with their arms around each other's waists. For support, Jude remembered to tell herself. Then she and Tommy made a beeline for the couch, where they both collapsed. 

Jude found herself lying on her side, sandwiched between Tommy's back and the sofa. She held him in the cocoon of her arms and legs, realizing suddenly that she had neither the energy nor the desire to let him go.

Turning her head, she stared at the ceiling and tried to remember to keep breathing. Her stomach was spinning, and her head was spinning, and the room was spinning. But Tommy, thank God, was not. He was just a warm heartbeat thrumming against her chest.

"Jude, did your mom sew your name into your underwear when you were a kid?" he mumbled out of nowhere.

Jude felt proud that she wasn't too drunk to raise an eyebrow, but then she giggled against the back of Tommy's head. "Um, no. She wrote my initials on the tags with a black magic marker. Why?"

"I dunno. Why do you think moms do that, Jude?"

She knew that in the mourning she'd be ashamed she had to think about this one. "Hmm. I think they did it in case if we went over to a friend's house or something to spend the night our underwear wouldn't get mixed up with any of the other kids'."

"Mm. Prolly. It's time to sleep, isn't it, Jude?"

"I think so, Tommy."

"M'kay," Tommy sighed.

Jude closed her eyes, but for reasons she would not and could not consider, her mind kept flashing back to the woman in the bar. The image of the woman's long hand fondling Tommy tortured her. She ached as the trespass played over and over and over...

Oh, God.

Dipping her chin, Jude sniffed the back of Tommy's neck only to find that the woman's bad perfume still clung to him. To keep herself from retching, she came up with an idea. 

"Let me up, Tommy."

"Uhmhuh?"

"I need to get something. Over there," she said, and then she rolled over, dumping Tommy onto the floor. He hit with a thud and then bellowed his discomfort, but Jude simply climbed over him and scrambled to the desk. 

"Hi-Liter, ball point, ball point, pencil... Ah ha!" Jude took the fat, black Sharpie from the desk drawer, held it up, and licked her lips.

Then she bounced across the room to find Tommy settling back onto the couch. He was on his back, his eyes closed and his lips curled up in a blissful little smile. Without a second thought, Jude straddled his hips.

Tommy gasped, but then his smile grew into a frisky grin and his eyes slipped slowly open. "Mmm, hi Jude."

"Hi, Tommy," Jude purred with a smile of her own.

"What'cha doin'?" Putting his hands on her hips, he eased her down onto his lap.

Jude giggled. "What are YOU doing, Tommy?" 

"Mmm, feelin' good."

"I'll bet." Telling herself she only meant to tease him, she rubbed herself against the bulge in his pants, giving him one long stroke. But God he felt good, and God did she want him, and oh how she wanted to hear him moan like that again.

But she knew that if she tried to make love to him right now, she would probably throw up. So instead she settled back down on his lap, took his hand, and began to use the Sharpie to black out the numbers inscribed there

"Hey! That's mine," he whined. "That never happens. Wanted to show the guys." He popped out his bottom lip to pout at her.

"Awww," Jude said. Her tone was patronizing, but she did lift the marker from Tommy's skin. Then she cocked her head as a truly naughty thought struck her. "Okay, Tommy."

"Okay?" His eyes widened but then quickly drooped again. She guessed he had about five more minutes of consciousness left in him.

"I gotta better idea," Jude said, giggling and bumping against his erection again just because she could, of course. "And you don't have to worry, Tommy, because your idiot bimbo actually wrote a '1' before her area code, and that was the only thing I scribbled out."

She shoved his hand in his face so he could see, but he pulled from her grasp and slid his palm back onto her hip. Jude shrugged. His eyes were almost closed anyway, so she turned her attention to her new project: his forehead.

Tommy, however, seemed to have other ideas. Jude felt him slowly slip his hands around to cup her butt. She hesitated for a moment, enjoying how warm and how nice it felt to have him touching her and pressing against her. There were other places she would like to feel his firm but gentle contact, but her mission was too important for her to spend much time wishing his hands would go there.

Just as she was fumbling again to fix the sharpie properly in her grip, however, Tommy began to sit up, squeezing her ass and leering naughtily.

"No, you don't," she said, pushing and pinning him down with her free arm as she raised the pen above his forehead.

"Unpf... Jude? What are you doing?"

Jude giggled. "I'm putting my name in my underwear, silly."

"What?!" He scrunched his eyes shut and shook his head petulantly. "Nooooo..."

Jude rolled her eyes and huffed a strand of hair from her face. "I gotta do this, Tommy, so just shut up and lay still," she commanded. And then she pressed her rear back firmly against his palms in an attempt to distract him. It worked, he settled right down and began to knead her pliant bottom.

A moment later, Tommy's eyes slipped blissfully shut. Jude bent forward, kissed his forehead, and then began to write as slowly and carefully and clearly as she could, dizzy as she was.

"Jude, I didn't stay at friends' houses much when I was little," Tommy murmured as she worked. "But my mom still put my name in. Why?"

"I dunno, Tommy. Maybe she was hoping, for you," Jude suggested. Then she capped her pen and smiled. "There, all done. Just right."

He cracked his eyes open. "Whaduz it say?"

"I'll let you read it yourself, Tommy."

Tommy shifted beneath her, trying to get up. "I wanna see," he said, but Jude held him down. He didn't put up much of a fight.

"You can't read it right now, anyway, Tommy. Cuz you're stupid," she said confidently.

"I am not ssoopid."

"Yes, you are."

"Mmmmm." He turned his head to the side and closed his eyes. 

Jude giggled one last time at the cleverness of what she had written on Tommy's forehead. Then she collapsed down on top of him, settled her head on his shoulder, and passed out.

She awoke to the feel of something tickling her nose. She sniffled and twitched, but the tickling just got worse. It felt like hair, soft and feathery, teasing her face. 

And it smelled like...

It smelled like...

Tommy.

Jude's eyes snapped open. The world was bathed in the hazy dark gray of pre-dawn. As her vision cleared, she found she was looking at a sideburn. Tommy's sideburn. She was wondering if he was ever going to get those silly things trimmed when she realized she was drooling in his ear. 

"Sorry, Tommy," she murmured and then closed her mouth.

At least, she tried to rationalize, she no longer had to wonder why her mattress was breathing. Not to mention what the hard...thing was that was poking the thigh she seemed to have wedged between Tommy's legs. 

Jude bit her lip, stifling a fierce laugh. Her mind was foggy and her humour wry, but the horror running through her was real and profound. Their current...entanglement, however it had come about.

She needed to get up, to move away from him. For a thousand personal and work related reasons, they weren't supposed to get this close to each other. Such intense intimacy would be far too dangerous right now with the way things had been working between them, and everything that they have been trying to protect.

But Jude's body felt like a block of lead, and Tommy's body was supple and warm beneath her. His abrasive cheek pressing against her chin and lips felt pleasantly masculine. So, too sore, stiff, and oddly comfortable to stretch or roll or sit up, she lay still and wondered what the hell they had done last night. 

She remembered drinking. Getting more drunk, in fact, than Jude had ever been. She had no idea how long it had been for Tommy. Her nose twitched again against his hair, but he remained dead to the world; it must have been a while.  
Jude also had a vague memory of collapsing with Tommy on what seemed to be, now upon closer consideration, not her bed, but her couch. She was unsure, however, how long she and Tommy had taken to pass out. Or what they had done in between.

Dangerous territory, Jude told herself. Fighting a surge of frustration, she swallowed hard, expecting to find her throat dry and sour. 

Her mouth did taste like three day old beer, but it was wet. Too wet. She swallowed again. A wave of nausea enveloped her.

"Shit," she murmured. Then she finally rolled off of Tommy and slunk through the shadows to the bathroom. She threw herself at the toilet just as her stomach lurched, twisted, and then exploded, luckily, into the basin.

Despite her petite size and her puny stomach, Jude's retching was loud, and tempestuous, and well out of her control. She prayed that Tommy was too far gone to hear her and realize that she couldn't hold her liquor after all. He would come running to hold her hair back like the mother-hen he could be, the one she hated to indulge.

"Oh God," she rasped when the heaving finally slowed. At least, she told herself, the darkness of the little room spared her a good look at the mess she had made.

Expelling a deep breath, she leaned heavily on the toilet seat. The porcelain was cool against her sweaty palms. Acid burned her throat and tears stung her eyes. Her head was throbbing. But her stomach felt so much better

With a sigh, Jude concluded she wasn't going to die. She just had to get cleaned up and changed, and then sleep the rest of this misery off. She was reaching up to flush, thanking God that Tommy hadn't awakened, when the bathroom light flicked on.

Pain lanced straight through Jude's eyes to the back of her head. She shielded her eyes as Tommy's groggy voice called out from behind her, "Jude? You okay?"

Jude opened her mouth to speak, but before she could find her own voice she made the mistake of glancing down into the toilet bowl. The sight and aroma of regurgitated alcohol mixed with last night's dinner sent her stomach into a tailspin. 

She heaved again. Right there. With Tommy looking on over her shoulder. At least, she thought, he had the courtesy not to touch her.

When there was finally nothing left in Jude's belly to expel, she hung her head in the toilet. Her cheeks were on fire. She could feel Tommy standing next to her, watching her, pitying her. Laughing at her. When she glanced over she found his knees just inches from her face. She dared not look up at him.

"I'm fine, Tommy," she murmured impatiently, hoping he would go away. To underscore her statement, she flushed the toilet.

Still hiding her face, Jude moved to the sink and began to wash up. Tommy remained silent and still next to her. She braced herself for the wholly inappropriate joke she was sure would be flying from his mouth any second now...

"Tommy, some privacy, please? I can do this myself," Jude growled.

Still he said nothing and did nothing. He was standing just behind her, and as she sucked water into her mouth, swished, and spit, she fought the urge to elbow him in the stomach.

"Tommmmyyyy, go," she groaned when her mouth was empty.

"Jude..."

"What?"

"Jude?"

"What?!"

"Judeeeeee."

With sharp movements, Jude slathered Crest onto her toothbrush. "Really, Tommy, this is a fun game, but you don't need to be here while I brush my teeth. In fact, I think it would be best if you went home now and got ready for work and we forgot this ever happened." 

She heard Tommy gasp behind her. "Work," he whispered, as if speaking the word aloud would usher in the apocalypse.

"Yes, Tommy, work. That place we have to be in ohhh ninety minutes or so."

"Jude," he said again.

"Tommy!" 

Scowling, Jude finally turned her eyes up to the big mirror over the sink. When she saw Tommy's reflection, she dropped her toothbrush and brought her hand up to her mouth. "What the..." she began to ask. And then she remembered everything.

Her first impulse was to laugh, which she did, giggling through her fingers. Her second impulse was to pack a bag, catch a plane to anywhere-but-here, and never look back. But just about all she really could do was stare. And stare. At Tommy's forehead.

"Oh my God," she whispered. Oh my God. 

Tommy's face was blank and pale, stark in contrast to the black letters. The words were backwards in the mirror but written in two neat rows of her own big block print:

PROPERTY OF JUDE HARRISON

Property of Jude Harrison. Abruptly, Jude spun around and looked up at Tommy. As she shook her head, her mouth fell open. But she quickly found that she had nothing to say for herself. What had she done?

"Jude, you marked me," Tommy declared.

"What?" Jude had a flashing vision of dogs cavorting in an alley. It was harmless enough, until this same vision proceeded to blend seamlessly into one of herself straddling Tommy's dangerously aroused lap and tagging his forehead. Shit.

"You pissed on my head!" he asserted, his voice cracking. 

"You let me."

"I was drunk!"

"So was I!"

Tommy looked at his hand and the phone number Jude had begun to scratch out. "Yeah, drunk and jealous, I'd say," he mumbled.

A speck of anger had flared in his eyes, but the corner of his mouth quirked up in an infuriating little smirk that made Jude want to give him a black eye to go with his branded forehead. Her face burned like the sun, her stomach churned, and she thought she was going to throw up yet again. 

What have I done? she wondered again. Tommy was amused, the bastard, and Jude had revealed too much with her drunken but perfectly clear penmanship. The memory of his erection feeling hard and oh-so-good pressed between her thighs last night came unbidden to the front of her mind.

Tommy's erection! Good God. Jude struggled in vain to push the memory away, thinking that maybe she was indeed a dog in heat, after all. She remembered last night far too well, now. She remembered her spinning head, her hypersensitive skin, her jealousy, her arousal, her desire to...kiss...

"Hey! Jude! Hellooooo." Tommy waved his hand in front of her, pulling her back to the present. He had been alternately ranting and laughing just a few inches from her face for some time, his own face candy-apple red. And black, of course. But Jude had hardly heard a word, so lost was she in her battle with her own unacceptable truth

"What...what, Tommy?" she asked, trying to look anywhere but at him and her revealing handywork.

"I said, you say you weren't trying to mark me, to claim me. If that's the case, are you going to explain this or what?" Bending low, his eyes roguishly twinkling, he shoved his marred forehead in Jude's face.

Jude winced. She could hardly look at him, and yet she could hardly not. The letters on his skin were so...big. So obvious. Possessive. How could she even begin to explain? How could she take back this confession she had not meant to make, even to herself? How long would Tommy laugh at her?

"Tommy," Jude finally began as calmly as she could. "We were both very, very drunk, and...ah...together. And I don't see why we have to make a mountain out of this. It was a silly drunken prank, and I just... I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote that. I wasn't thinking at all."

"Weren't you?" Tommy asked quietly. His tone was skeptical, but his voice was low, dark. Jude wondered if it was disappointment she heard. His face wasn't laughing anymore.

For a long moment, Tommy searched Jude's eyes. He seared her with the same dark blue intensity he reserved for her always. He was waiting for her to give more of it away. As if she hadn't done enough damage already. And Jude wasn't talking.

Eventually the tall devil saw something he liked amidst the humiliation and frustration rippling through Jude's body. His eyes began to twinkle again, and he grinned -- a big, fat, pompous, I'm-the-man Tommygrin.

Great. Jude wondered why she even bothered trying to lie to him anymore. She knew exactly what she'd been thinking when she put her name on him. And he knew it, too. 

Contemplating escape, Jude glanced at the open bathroom door. But Tommy saw and scowled. Before she could make a break for it, he leaned forward and placed his palms firmly on the edge of the sink, trapping her between his arms. Jude's heart sank a few inches, but she had known there was no way he was going to let this go.

"Really, Jude," Tommy drawled impishly, "I'm flattered, but couldn't you have just sent me a valentine? Maybe one with a nice removable name tag inside?"

Jude felt a sudden, ridiculous urge to growl and snap at him. "A valentine? Tommy, I'm gonna... I'm..." In one fluid movement, she pushed from the trap of Tommy's arms, grabbed him by the ear, and shoved his head into the sink.

"Hey! Ow!"

Jude ignored his protest. She reached around and held him firmly by the scruff of his annoying neck. Then she turned on the faucet.

"That's hot!" he complained.

Jude tested the water to find that it was warm, at worst. "Baby," she muttered

A moment later the water ran down Tommy's face and into his mouth, muffling his protests. Jude rubbed soap over her hand and began to scrub his forehead.

His skin and hair were soft and warm, and Jude felt distressed at how much she liked touching him this way, washing him. And despite his grumbling and the fact that he was sputtering water all over the front of her shirt, Tommy's body had relaxed under her firm caress.

Shaking her head, Jude tried to ignore the intimacy of their contact, concentrating hard on erasing the offending statement.

Property of Jude Harrison.

Jude half-chuckled. Fat chance. This was Tommy the Unruly. Tommy the Ditcher. Tommy the Breaker of Protocol. Tommy the Tease. Tommy the Flirt. Tommy the Master of Shallow Sexual Innuendo. If he was truly hers -- if he would ever be hers -- Jude thought she could at least get him to behave every now and then. But when had that ever happened? 

Property of Jude Harrison indeed. 


	8. Chapter 8: Continued From chp 7

Chapter 8: Continuation of Alcohol Can Leave a Permant Mark 

After a few minutes of Jude's scrubbing, Tommy cracked open his watery eyes and peered up at her. "It's not coming off, is it?" he garbled.

"It is," Jude lied through clenched teeth.

Tommy frowned. He pushed her hands away, rinsed the soap from his forehead, then looked up into the mirror. The letters had faded only slightly.

"Juuudddeee? What exactly did you use on my head last night?" Tommy asked slowly, as though he were afraid of the answer.

Jude bit her lip and considered lying, since Tommy didn't seem to remember all the details of her crime. But then she looked at the useless soap still dripping from her hand. Who was she kidding? "Ah, I guess we'd better call Sharpie."

Tommy's eyes widened. "Sharpie! Shit, Jude, that stuff takes weeks to come off! What the hell were you thinking?"

"I told you, Tommy, I was drunk. I wasn't thinking. At all."

Tommy folded his arms across his chest and looked down his nose at her. His eyes were dark, but his lips twitched as if he was trying to hold back another infuriating grin. "I guess that means you weren't thinking about this mourning's G-Major meeting either, huh, Jude?"

Jude gasped. Somewhere between her drunken stupor and her desperate attempt to undo what she had done to Tommy's forehead and to their friendship, she had forgotten the early mourning meeting Darius had demanded they attend. "Oh my God. Everyone will..."

"See." Tommy rubbed his forehead. His face turned serious, and soft. "I didn't know... But last night we... You marked me, Jude," he said quietly.

"I did no such thing," Jude snapped. God, why did he have to bring that up again? And why did he have to find so much amusement in her humiliation? Even now she tingled with the memory of him hard and strong between her legs, of his warm hands on her hips and then later her butt, his fingertips sliding up and down the sensitive crevice...

Jude shook her head. She had an unwanted vision of herself and Tommy walking into G-Major with her heart on his forehead. Their colleagues, friends and enemies alike, would see just how much she needed her producer, how much she wanted him. How vulnerable she was in front of him. She looked down at herself, and despite her pants and her albeit wet blouse, she felt naked, peeled, like a fruit, all tender flesh and fragile sinew.

"I have to go," she blurted, afraid he would embarrass her further by insisting they discuss her 'feelings.' Without looking at him, she fled into the living room to gather her purse and her jacket.

"What?" Tommy stormed after her. She could almost feel his breath on the back of her neck. "Jude, wait. I thought we were going to call Sharpie. Where are you going?"

"Away...home," Jude said absently as she opened the front door.

"But Jude, you are home."

Jude stopped. "You're right, Tommy. You leave."

"What?"

"You. Out." Dropping her purse, Jude placed her palms on Tommy's stomach and pushed him toward the open door. She got him backed up to the threshold before he firmly planted his feet and grabbed onto the doorjamb.

"Tommy, go," Jude insisted.

"No."

"Yes." She gave him an ineffective shove.

Tommy rolled his eyes. "No way, Jude. You put this on me," he smirked, dipping his head, "and I'm not going anywhere until you get it off. Unless, of course, you want me to go in like this."

Jude sighed, her body sagging with resignation and sudden exhaustion. Behind his air of amusement, Tommy's eyes were pleading with her -- as usual -- to clean up the mess they'd made.

"Fine, let's call Sharpie," she said as she turned and walked away from him.

A moment later Jude frowned out her living room window as she waited to be connected to the Sharpie company. The sun was only just beginning to rise, and she was not surprised to hear a recorded voice tell her that the Sharpie customer service lines wouldn't be open for another hour and a half.

"Not open," Tommy said for her as she hung up the phone.

"Not until about the time we're due at that meeting." Jude slumped into her big easy chair, feeling defeated. She watched Tommy as he pursed his lips, the gears beginning to spin in his head.

"The Internet, then," he said after a moment. Then he launched himself at Jude's computer.

Jude read over Tommy's shoulder as he sat at the desk and searched the Sharpie official website. There was plenty of information on how and where to buy Sharpie products, as well as what they were good for, but there appeared to be nothing about how to remove the stubborn ink from skin.

"You're not coming up with anything," Jude stated.

Tommy grunted and continued his search, spreading out now to sites about household cleaning products as well as pens in general. Jude let him ignore her for another minute or two and then she headed back into the bathroom. After a lot of rummaging through drawers and a little comparing of colours, she thought she had found a solution to their...problem.

"Anything?" she asked Tommy as she returned to the living room.

He pushed the mouse away from him, turned, and pouted at Jude over his shoulder. She took that as a 'no' and plunked her bottle of Loreal No. 15 Cover-up down on the desk in front of him.

"No way, Jude," he said instantly. "No makeup."

The foundation, a colour called Autumn Bronze, was too dark for Jude. It was the one she hadn't used since long before she started at G-Major, the one she had been saving on the off chance she'd ever end up vacationing at the beach again in her lifetime.

Jude held the bottle up next to Tommy's face. He grimaced, but Autumn Bronze would look, well, almost fine on him.

"Come on, Tommy," Jude said, tugging on his shoulder.

"Jude, what part of 'no way' didn't you understand? Ow!"

Jude had grabbed him by the ear again the moment the obnoxious question flew from his mouth. She dug her fingers in and dragged him whimpering back into the bathroom.

"Shower, Tommy," she commanded as she let go of him and stepped back into the doorway.

Tommy rubbed his ear, pouting at her in an obvious play for sympathy he was not going to get. Jude glared at him; she hadn't pulled him that hard.

"Yes, master," he muttered.

Jude frowned at his forlourn tone but nodded over his compliance. She knew she should go now so he could undress, but she hovered in the doorway. Tommy's eyes, still twinkling with mischief, locked with hers as he reached down to undo his pants.

Jude's mouth dropped open rather wantonly, and her heart did a little flip-flop in her chest. Swiftly she stepped backward into the hallway, pulling the bathroom door closed in front of her before she could see anything she shouldn't.

She spent the ten minutes Tommy was in the shower telling her body to behave itself. This had to stop, what was her problem

But, when the water had shut off and he called for her, Jude pushed the bathroom door open to find him naked from the waist up. He wore his work slacks, but the rest of him was all shiny hair, lean muscle, and glistening skin.

She wondered for a moment if he realized they were just going to put the makeup on his forehead. Then she saw the smallest hint of a smirk on his face and figured he had remained half dressed simply to remind her of what she had all but admitted. The bastard was teasing her, even now. She wanted to strangle him, but when she dragged her eyes away from his chest and looked up at what she had done to his forehead, she supposed she deserved the torment.

"Well, what now, Jude?" Tommy asked, his muscles rippling as he planted his hands on his hips.

Jude lowered the toilet lid and told Tommy to sit. "The ink faded a bit more while you were in the shower," she said as she stood between his legs and inspected his forehead. "Tomorrow is Saturday. Let's just get through this meeting, keep our jobs, and then if all else fails you can stand in the shower until Monday."

Tommy glanced at Jude's shower. "Be careful what you wish for," he warned with a naughty leer.

Jude felt her cheeks heat up again. She clenched her teeth and narrowed her eyes at Tommy in a warning of her own. With a dramatic sigh, he plunked his chin into his palm, supporting his head as he tilted his face up to the light.

Using a sponge, Jude began to dab the makeup onto Tommy's forehead. She worked clinically, with sharp movements, But it took effort to ignore the heat coming off his bare chest and the sweet, clean Tommy-smell that surrounded her.

"Do we really have to do this?" Tommy asked, his frown depending every time she touched him. "The makeup's gonna show, Jude. People will talk."

"As if that's ever stopped you before, Little Tommy Q," Jude said, chuckling despite herself.

he grumbled, touching his forehead and looking less than amused.

"Oh, Tommy, it's just a little cover-up," Jude sighed. "Look, if someone asks, tell them you were in an accident and I said it would be better to cover up the damage than to show up battered and bruised at work. Or tell them a someone beat you up. Hell, tell them I beat you up."

Tommy snickered. "You think I look whipped now," he said sarcastically.

Jude shrugged and continued applying the makeup, trying not to analyze this act of covering up her claim on her Producer. For a few hours her stalwart denial had been broken. She had been as nearly naked in front of him as he was now in front of her.

Maybe -- okay, certainly -- some part of her did want to have him, to mark him as hers and no one else's. He was a brilliant, noble, gorgeous man. He was her best friend. She knew she loved him...

"At least," Jude said for Tommy's sake, "the makeup is covering it. And as long as you stay out of bright lights, I doubt anyone will notice."

"Sure," Tommy mumbled, sounding completely unconvinced.

"You look fine, Tommy. Trust me," Jude said without thinking.

Tommy snorted. "Jude, have you seen my forehead??"

Jude tried not to flinch. "I was drunk!" she insisted again. "And you let me do it."

"Hey, I said no!"

Jude frowned, silently admitting and regretting that she had violated him. But then she remembered Inebriated-Tommy pawing at her throughout the evening. "You didn't put up much of a fight, though, did you, Tommy?"

Tommy cocked his head and then looked down at his upturned hands. He clenched his fingers a few times as though he could still feel her flesh pressed into his palms, distracting him. "I didn't, did I?" he said with a grin and a leer.

"Tommmyyy," Jude warned.

"And neither did you," he said quietly.

"Tommy! I. Was. Drunk!" Jude barked.

Hardly noticing that Tommy's face had fallen, she slapped some powder on his forehead to set the makeup, and then she turned and walked away from him. When she came out of her bedroom dressed in her robe and ready to take her own shower, he was gone.

The day they'd been informed of its time and location, Jude and Tommy had agreed to stay quiet during this mourning's informational meeting regarding producing quality Music..Jude Rolled her eyes a few times. She knew her music, more than anyone else could, well Exacpt Tommy, she found herself looking at him a few Times.

Characteristically, she arrived at the meeting precisely on time. The first thing she noticed about the giant,conference room was that the air inside was hot. Too hot. People were complaining, and she overheard some chatter about the heater being stuck on high.

Sighing, she scanned the room's huge oval table. Tommy was already there. He had, thank God, positioned himself with his back to the windows so that his body was lightly silhouetted, a dusky shadow falling across his all-important forehead.

Though Jude refused to look anyone in the eye as she took a seat near Darius, Tommy and everyone around him seemed calm and together. Keeping her fingers crossed, she concluded that her producer hadn't been noticed and hassled about his made-up face. At least, not yet.

The meeting began and, as expected, turned out to be a grand example of Musical tedium. Jude tried to pay attention, but as the minutes and then hours passed, the heat in the room continued to rise. Her eyes flashed constantly to Tommy.

By ten o'clock she could feel her pants sticking to the backs of her knees. But that was, of course, the least of her worries.

Though everyone was sweating, no one looked as wet or as miserable as Tommy. His blue shirt was damp around the collar and down the center of his chest. His short hair was beginning to look rather soggy, and beads of sweat visible from where Jude sat across the big table had gathered on his brow and were trickling down into his eyes. He sat with his hands on the table, his fists clenched, as if he was trying with all his Tommyness not to fidget. Or not to throw himself across the table and ring Jude's neck. Or... or... he was trying not to reach up and wipe the sweat -- and the makeup -- from his forehead.

Oh, God. And judging by the constipated look on his face, he was about to cave.

Feeling dizzy, Jude turned to her left and gave Darius a discreetly pleading look. It was ridiculous to keep them all in the meeting when the heat was so miserable.

If Darius saw Jude's plea, his reaction was undetectable. However, a few minutes later when there was a break in the discussion of yet another new policy she was sure her Tommy would insist on disregarding at every turn, Darius rose and cleared his throat. When all eyes in the room were on him, he suggested that if no one had any urgent information to share, they would continue with the meeting after the heater had been fixed.

Jude saw Tommy breathe a sigh of relief, As he pushed his chair back from the table and began to rise, Darius-- that fucker -- said, "Before we go, Tommy, why don't you tell the group about some of the creative punishments I've handed out in response to your incessant breakage of some of our most important Rules here?"

Tommy, visibly startled, stuttered rather uncharacteristically. "I... Uh, I mean, you, Darius... Uh, you... Um, big piles of manure?" he whimpered. Then he shook his head in silent apology,  
which consequently released a big ball of sweat from his brow.  
The drop slid down into his eye, making him blink as though he were batting his eyelashes at Darius. Urgently, Tommy reached up and wiped the sweat -- along with most of the makeup -- from his forehead.

The murmuring began almost instantly. "What's on his head?" Jude heard people asking. "What does it say?" they wanted to know.

"Oh, Tommy," she whispered, dropping her chin to her chest and rubbing her own sweaty temples.

After several long seconds, Tommy recovered his wits and smacked his palm over the letters just as Karma called out, "Property of Jude Harrison! It says Property of Jude Harrison!"

Dizzy as she was -- again -- Jude thought she heard him exclaim, "Well, no shit!"

No shit.

And the room erupted in laughter.

Jude looked around at everyone. Most of them had respected her. Now some, especially the younger artists, were laughing at her outright, practically in tears. Some pointed. Others looked embarrassed as they giggled, and they wouldn't meet her eyes.

Jude made her way out of the room, and down the hall to Studio A.  
When she was finally alone and being ignored. For just a moment she talked herself into believing that the events of last night and this morning would be forgotten, like a nightmare receding through the monotony of just another workday.

She was wondering where Tommy had ended up when she raised her head to see him coming Toward her.

Jude rose when Tommy came around to her. His eyes were hot with mischief, but they were also dark...dark with hurt. She had hurt him. "How?" she asked quietly.  
Tommy didn't respond, didn't act as though she had even spoken. Instead, he clamped a hard hand down on her shoulder. With his free hand, he scooped up -- of all things -- a Sharpie from the counter top. He opened the pen with his teeth, then spit the cap over Jude's shoulder.

Jude's eyes widened as he held the Sharpie up to her head. Using his pinky he pushed her hair away to clearly expose her forehead.

"Tommy, don't," Jude said as she wondered what God-awful statement he planned to brand her with.

His eyes narrowed. "Three years, Jude. How could you not know?"

"Know what?"

"This," he growled. Then he lowered the pen to her head.

Jude waited to accept her punishment, but before the tip of the pen could touch her skin, Tommy stopped. "Oh, hell," he said and tossed the Sharpie back over his shoulder. His hand crept around to cup the back of Jude's neck. His head, his face, moved slowly closer to hers, as it had done the night before but without the drunken confusion that had seemed to always make him miss his mark.

Jude gasped, her chest swelling as his lips touched the corner of her mouth. "Tommy, what are you doing?"

"Revenge, Jude," he whispered against her skin. "Sweet revenge." And then he tilted his head and devoured her mouth.

His kiss clawed at her as possessively as his grip was tight on her neck, holding her to him. All Jude could do was curl her hands over his shoulders and hold on for the ride as he traced the word 'mine' over and over on the flat of her tongue and the roof of her mouth. He had said revenge, but this felt more like a promise, a true branding, flesh searing flesh, binding them together, for all to see.

When his tongue finally retreated, he pulled away with a quick nip to her bottom lip. "Now everyone knows," he said breathlessly into her ear. "Now you know." Then he pushed past her to his own way, ignoring the applauding crowd gathered around them.

Jude closed her eyes, trying rather unsuccessfully to block out the spectators. She could still hear them. The roar of their cheers, laughter and catcalls hit her in waves. What the hell had just happened?

When she opened her eyes, even Liam was flashing a grin her way. Pleased? How could most of the G-Major -- save, of course, one hideously scowling Karma -- be pleased that right there in the middle of the bullpen she and her producer had... She and her producer had...

Jude sank slowly down into her chair, then swiveled around to face Tommy, at the sound board. "Tommy, did you just pee on me?"

Tommy looked up from the board, he had been -- supposedly -- working on mixing something. His eyes were twinkling but unreadable as he studied her face.

"Fair's fair, Jude," he finally said with a smirk and a shrug.

Jude blinked. "W-what?" she asked around the lump lodged in her throat. Tommy the Tease had struck again. She licked her lips. She could still taste him there.

Tommy sighed and shook his head slightly. Then he leaned across the soundboard, his face coming to hers, his breath brushing her mouth. "Was it as good for you as it was for me?" he whispered. His eyes had gone feral and -- finally -- serious, and she feared as well as desired that he would devour her.

Just to torture him, however, Jude leaned back in her chair and pretended to think until a worry line spread across his forehead, underlining her claim on him. She felt the corners of her mouth curl up despite herself.

"I hear there's a nice alley behind Casey's Pub," she said.

Tommy's eyes widened. Then he flashed her a genuine, comfortable smile -- a rarity. "Is it lunch time yet?" he asked excitedly.

Jude smiled back, and she could feel something like contentment touching her eyes, her lips, her heart. Taking his hand across the soundboard, she caressed the backs of his fingers and then, turning him over, the inside of his wrist. Satisfied with the little gasp of pleasure her touch pulled from him, she reached into the Styrofoam cup that held his pens and retrieved another Sharpie.

With a shaking hand, she wrote on his palm: I Love You Quincy.


	9. Chapter 9: Power Outage

Chapter 9: The Power Outage.

"I think it's getting worse," Jude said pulling back the curtain, which shaded the window. The storm outside seemed to increase in size, and the rain pelted the windows hard once again. She turned back to Tommy. "The news say anything new?" She asked, just as a warning scrolled across the bottom of the TV screen. Sadie, Kwest, Kristin and Tommy, Joined her in waiting to see what was happening. They had all been kind of stuck in the house for the past couple hours or so. -CBC News, Environment Canada has issued a severe storm warning for the following locations- They read, as the line scrolled over. -Toronto, Kingston, North Bay, Waterloo, Windsor, Vaughan, Timmins, Kitchener, London, Pembroke, Hamilton, Burlington, Barrie.- Jude's eyes widened as they read. AT 456 PM EDT... DOPPLER RADAR INDICATED A SEVERE STORM CAPABLE OF PRODUCING QUARTER SIZE HAIL AND WINDS UP TO 120 KPH. THIS STORM WAS LOCATED 66 Kilometers WEST OF NORTHERN TORONTO...MOVING SOUTH AT 50 KPH. THIS STORM HAS A HISTORY OF PRODUCING SEVERE DAMAGING WINDS AND LARGE HAIL. "It seems like all of Ontario..." She said, and then quieted to listen for further news. Travels is restricted, stay indoors and away from windows until the storm has passed, winds in excessive from 117-120 KPH. This storm is expected to be very severe, stay tuned to CBC News for further updates. "So this means no practice time, I guess everyone is stuck here," Sadie looked at Jude...Jude rolled her eyes, and plopped down next to Tommy listening to the wind and rain pick up outside. She rolled her eyes, sighing again. "I can't just sit here staring at the TV, I'm going upstairs," Jude said, getting up, and walking away. "Stay away from the Windows," She heard Sadie tell her, and giggled a little. Sadie was always a bit afraid of storms…

Jude heard a loud crack of thunder outside, enough to rattle the house, and stopped dead, halfway up the stairs. She looked down; wondering if being upstairs was such a good idea. She shrugged her shoulders, and proceeded on her way. Making her way into her bedroom she found her laptop, and decided to check her e-mail. She jumped almost out of her skin as thunder rumbled loudly outside once again. She looked towards the window, watching the lightning as almost a constant, as the rain seemed to pelt harder by the second, or was it hail, she was unsure. She climbed off her bed, and walked toward the window, ignoring Sadie's comment, and looked out; in fact it was still just rain. 'Wow' she thought, watching, for some reason storms always gave her a sense of calm. Like her body would relax, the moment, Mother Nature decided to act out. She remembered when she was younger, she always pleaded with her parents to let her go outside and watch. She never succeeded, though she knew this storm was far to dangerous to do so. She smiled, and walked away from the window, wondering if at some point, Tommy would unglue himself from the Television, and follow her upstairs.

Jude decided she would turn her stereo on, Flipping through some mixed CD's. She clicked it on CD three starting with an old song by Brenda Lee. "It's My Party," She mouthed, smiling. So she was alone upstairs, apparently, no one could tear away from the TV…She turned the song, on and began to dance around her room. "It's My Party and I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want to, No body knows where my Johnny has, gone, and Judy left the same time…Why was he holding her hand when he's supposed to be mine. It's my party and I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want to, cry if I want to. You would cry to if it happened to you…," She sang along. Then changing the song. Clouds in my Coffee, by Carly Simon…"I bet you think this song is about you? Don't you? Don't you." She sang, and started laughing. "You're so vain. I bet you think this song is about you? Don't you, don't you?" She grabbed her hair brush, dancing around…She hadn't noticed, Tommy standing in her doorway with a silly grin on his face…He watched as Jude jumped around her room, trying not to laugh out loud…

Jude was suddenly interrupted by a loud crack of thunder, and the wind that had picked up outside, She jumped, now seeing Tommy in the doorway, her face all flushed. She opened her mouth to say something, but shut it again, feeling embarrassed. Tommy Just chuckled, "You are cute, you know that," he said, grabbing her hands, and pulling her into his arms. "Cute?" She asked, Looking up into his blue eyes. "Cute, beautiful, wonderful, gorgeous. All of it Jude…," He told her planting a kiss on her lips. "I love you Tommy." "I love you too girl," He said dipping his head to go in for a deeper kiss.

Jude followed, allowing herself to be lost in the kiss, Her hands wrapping around his neck, as the moved unsteadily towards her bed…completely unaware of the storm unfolding outside. Tommy sat Jude on the bed, laying her back slightly, kissing her, while his fingers played at the bare skin, under the hem of her shirt. Then traveling up the sensitive planes of her back. Goose flesh formed on her skin. Her desire visible in her actions. She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer to her. There were no lights on in her room, as it begun to get dark. Jude and Tommy completely oblivious to the fact, transfixed in each other…

Jude pulled away for a second, feeling breathless. "Tommy, I…I love you, I think I'm re…"She was unable to finish her words when she heard a loud crack, then the buzz of the power in the house going out. She heard a scream come from down stairs, recognizing it as Sadie's.

Feeling a little startled at first, but Jude couldn't help but laugh as she heard the scramble from downstairs, every time Thunder crashed outside. The wind sounded fierce. As she and Tommy decided to make their way down the stairs, in complete darkness. Jude Held onto Tommy so, she wouldn't stumble. She found herself laughing completely now at the situation. "Great timing," She laughed, Tommy now joining in. Halfway down the stairs they heard a buzz as the lights flickered back on for a second then back out again, only making them laugh harder. "T…T…Tommy if we don't calm down we'll fall," Jude tried to breath.

Kristin sat there in the darkness on the couch with Sadie practically clutching her arm. "Sadie, relax. it's just a storm." she laughed as she jerked her arm from Sadie and looked around hearing someone walking around the house. "Jude, Tommy?" Kristin asked looking around not hearing anything or seeing anything she got up and grabbed a thing of peppermint spray in her hand. She didn't care that it really wouldn't do anything. Kristin got up leaving Sadie on the couch. "Yeah Sadie, hold on I think someone is in the house beside you me, Kwest, Jude and Tommy." "Yeah? Do you think so?" She said breathing hard. Another big crash of thunder and lightening happened and Sadie jumped up and ran to Kristin clutching her arm once again. "W-what?" Sadie asked Kristin. "Shhh." Replied Kristin as she walked towards the stairs and walking up them.

"Tommy? Jude?" Kristin said as she walked up the steps further grabbing someone's arm by mistake. "Uh...Sadie is that your arm?" Kristin asked in a freaked out tone of voice. "No." "Then who's arm is this?!?!?" Kristin asked looking ahead of her. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ... Run." Kristin screamed as she quickly turned around to go down the stairs still not realizing it was Tommy's arm that she grabbed by mistake.

Tommy and Jude Made there way down the stairs, Laughing hysterically. Jude held onto her stomach, and Tommy's arm for support. "Kris, hahaha,It's…It's…only…us…" Jude tried to say through her giggle fit. "I can't breathe," Jude gasped out, trying not to laugh.

"Oh...my...god. ...You scared the living daylights out of me. " She replied as she listened to her cousin laugh at her. "Hey you'd be scared too. "she said at her laughing cousin. "What is it with you laughing Jude?" she said to her cousin and Tommy.

"I c…can't…help…it, I don't know why," Jude thought she would fall on the floor. She literally had tears running down her face. "Jude," Tommy laughed again. "Calm down sweetie, you're going to make yourself sick," He tried his hardest not to laugh with her.

"Yeah, well when you're on the stairs it's not exactly the safest place to bust out laughing." She said as she jumped as she heard a crash and a tree had hit the ground. "Is everyone okay?" Kristin asked as she walked down the steps a little more.

Suddenly they heard a crack and a loud bang; all three of them jumped, and were attacked by a freaking out Sadie. Jude's laughter subsided as she wondered what had just happened. She let go of Tommy, and wondered ahead of them, feeling her way down the rest of the stairs, trying to find a window to see what went on outdoors.

Jude having finally found herself at the front door, she opened it, and was suddenly hit by whipping wind and rain, her hair blowing. She looked to the side, and noticed that a tree, and a telephone poll, had collided and fell together outside, power lines lying across the road. She no longer found it so funny. Feeling a little anxious, she shut the door. "Guys, I think this is worse than we expected."

"Yeah I think so too Jude." Kristin replied. "Do we have candles anywhere?" Kristin said walking into a room. She didn't know what room she was in until she walked right into the fridge. "OH." she said walking into it. "Dammit ow...ow...ow...ow..." She said out loud tears filling her eyes.

"Kris are you okay?" Jude asked following the noise. Tommy was too busy trying to detach Sadie from his arm, and her calm enough to sit. Jude felt her way into the dark kitchen. "Kris? I don't know where dad moved the candles too, plus with Sadie it might be more of a risk, maybe we should just wait out the darkness, Sadie is lival to knock one over and set the entire house on fire. Hell any one of us is lival to at this point… "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine...do we have flash lights?" she said rubbing her arm that she hit hard against the fridge. "Just a little shaky that's all. Where are you Jude?" she asked looking around trying not to hurt herself again.

"Here," Jude let her voice echo in the dark. She could hear the wind hitting the windows as if they would all bust in. "Talk to me so I can find where you are?" Jude said, a little more loudly than necessary, Jude as she found the table with her side. "Ouch," She said rubbing at the now tender area.

"Yeah." She sat there and kept talking. "Umn question though...how long do you think this will last?...Are you okay Jude?" she asked having heard her say 'ouch.' She started to walk to Jude and heard her. "That wind is so loud." she said shaking a little bit.

"Yeah I'm okay, just connected with the table some, I don't know how long Kris," Jude said, finally making it to Kristin's side, grabbing a hold of her arm gently. Another crash sounded from outside, causing both girls to jump and scream, it sounded as if the was ready to tear the house apart. Jude found herself shaking a bit now. Following the loud scream, she didn't even think she was capable of. "Everything okay in there?" They heard Tommy's voice from the living room. "Yeah just was a bit startled, we're fine," Jude answered.

"Yeah." She grabbed Jude's hand trying to make sure they didn't lose contact. "Uh yeah now I'm officially freaked out." she replied shaking a little bit herself. "I wish this would hurry up and be over with." "Me Too," Jude responded at her side. They tried to maneuver their way around the kitchen, Jude found the handle of the refrigerator, she opened it, feeling for the bottled water inside. She grabbed out a six pack worth, and closed the refrigerator back up.

"Yeah. Do we have a first aid kit?" she asked Jude as she felt around for something. "Do you think your dad is okay?" she sighed as she grabbed the water from Jude walking around with her. "Looks like we're going to be conjoined twins, if you know what I mean." She teased a bit. Jude giggled at the thought. "I think the first aid kit is upstairs in the bathroom." She stated. "Dad will be okay, his work, has a storm shelter underneath, I believe."

Jude unsteadily tried to find her way around the table, without hitting it again. She could still hear Tommy, and Kwest trying to calm Sadie in the living room.

"Oh." Kristin replied. "Well I'm glad uncle Stuart is safe." she cracked a smile even though Jude couldn't see it. "Yeah well I should go upstairs and look for it huh?" she looked around and saw a door. "There's a door." she replied as she heard Tommy. "Chill out Sadie." He said.

"I'll go with you," Jude said as they felt their way from the kitchen and to the stairway. They grabbed the railing, trying to find their way up the stairs single file. "Does it seem darker in here, or is it me?" Jude asked her. The storm out side if anything had only gotten worse.

"Are you sure Jude? I think Tommy could use your help. "She giggled referring to that situation. "Yeah it's darker in here." She said as they walked up the Stairs. "Tommy and Kwest can handle her…" Jude once again found herself giggling. She wasn't sure if it was out of fear, or not.

"Yeah." she replied. "You and that giggling Jude, I swear sometimes you laugh too much." She knew it was because of Tommy, which made her smile. It was nice seeing Jude happy.

Jude and Kristin found themselves at the top landing on the stairs, they began feeling the walls and doors in search of the right room. They stumbled a bit, landing in the doorway of the bathroom. "Ow." Kristin said looking at Jude as if she could see her in the dark, hell they could barely see there hands in front of their eyes." At least we tripped on each other and not the stairs."

"True," Jude said lifting herself up straight again. She paused; thinking for a second then proceeded into the bathroom, grabbing the first aid kit from the shelf, not caring that she had knocked a few things over.

Another crash of thunder and lightening lit up the sky and shook the house. "Oh god...this is driving me absolutely bonkers Jude." She sighed looking at her cousin. "Maybe we should sit down and slide down the stairs? Like we used to growing up?" "Jude laughed. "Knowing us we'd be more prone to fall doing that." The storm grew in severity, making them think it would never stop.

"Yeah that's so true." She laughed looking at Jude. She sat down at the edge of the steps. "I'm sliding down. I've got wind pants I'll slide easily down them steps." Jude followed her lead until they managed the bottom of the steps…Jude stood up brushing any unseen filth from her cloths out of habit. "Well that was fun…" Jude chuckled, and as they made there way around the corner and back to the living room. "Where is everyone, speak up so we know where you are," Jude called loudly to whom ever was in the room, aside from Kristin. "Over here Jude," came Sadie's shaky voice.

"Yeah that was the most fun I've had in a long time." she laughed also wiping off her clothes. "Maybe when it's not storming we can do that again. "She followed Jude. "I don't want to trip over anyone." she said looking at Jude, only seeing a basic outline.

Jude suddenly shrieked as she felt a pair of hands touch her, Almost jumping right out of her skin. "Shhh, Girl it's only me," Tommy said, pulling her towards him. "What are you like a cat Tommy?" Her voice faltered a bit. "Can see in the dark?" Tommy could feel her body trembling. "No Jude and It's going to be okay, calm down. I just happened upon knowing it was you. I took a chance." He finished, pulling her to his chest in a hug. "I'm…I'm fine you just scared me is all," Jude said, letting him hold her. She always felt safe in his arms. The world could crash down, and she wouldn't know it…well maybe she would, but she's feel safe at least.

Kristin looked around towards kwest and Sadie, Tommy and Jude. "You guys...I hate this storm." She said looking around basically freaking out. Another loud pound of thunder happened and she jumped. She walked towards a corner and slid down pulling her legs up to her chest. "I wish this storm would go away." she said. "Oh no Jude thought," She made her way over to Kristin just now remembering how Kris's best friend had died, in a storm like this. Kris barely made it out herself, although it was 3 years ago, she was sure it was fresh on her mind. Jude pulled away from Tommy, and made her way over to the corner where Kristin, was sitting. She slid down next to her, pulling her into her arms. "Kris, honey I'm so sorry. It's going to be okay. I'm sorry. I forgot all about it." Jude could feel her own tears stinging her eyes. She hated seeing anyone close to her hurt.

Kristin's eyes watered trying to blink back tears. She hated storms so much. She sat there crying to herself. "Jude it's not your fault. It was mine. "Kristin really blamed herself for her best friend's death. If Kristin would have done something 7 seconds earlier or so her best friend would still be alive. - "Listen Kris, you know it's not your fault. You were saying the same words to me not that long ago when Patsy died. Remember? It's not, and you couldn't control what happened." Jude tried her best to comfort her.

"Jude it was..." She said sighing. "I could've saved her life but I didn't. I almost died myself." she replied looking at her cousin as she pulled her legs even closer to her chest. "Don't Kristin; Is it my fault that Patsy died, because I should have stopped her? Remember the words you told me. I could have just done one thing, and she would still be here with us today? You have to see that these things in life happen. It's been really hard for me to see this, but thanks to you, Tommy, and Sadie, are what kept me from going down that hill. You see Kris. Not everything in life is so simple. You have to know this. It's not your fault…" Jude soothed her.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." She looked at Jude. "But I still feel like I could have done something." she sat there looking at Jude still. "It's like one minute she was here...and now she's gone." She looked around "Thanks for helping me though Hun." she dried her tears. "That's what I'm here for, always…" Jude hugged her. "Thank you." she hugged Jude back smiling….

Jude turned, in the dark, looking around, not able to see much, she hoped that the power would be back on soon. It seemed this whole thing just began stirring up emotions, for people….

Kristin sat there in the dark watching Jude walk away. "Careful." she said as she heard another loud crack of thunder. "God, please, please, please make it stop." she started to spazz out as the wind picked back up. "Oh man, come on, come on. I don't pray very much but please make it stop." Kristin continued to sit there against the wall wondering what was going to happen to her and the rest of them. She couldn't stand the images running through her head.

"Kris are you going to be okay?" Jude asked. She really had to use the washroom. Making her way to it would be a job in a half on its own. "I'll be right back; I have to use the bathroom, if I can get there." She told her. "Yeah, Jude. I'll be..." just then another loud clap of thunder and lighting shook the house "F-fine..." She said in a shaken state of mind. This was really getting to her. "I swear just go to the bathroom." I'll be fine."

Jude made her way through the dark feeling along the walls. She knew where the downstairs washroom was anyways, she'd been to it half asleep plenty of times, the obstacle was not tripping, or running into things along the way. Finally making it to the door, she turned the handle going in, she felt for the switch flipping it unconsciously, then giggled at herself, for her goof up. "Duh, Jude the power has been out long enough to know that…" She said to herself. Then began to feel her way around the washroom, wasn't too hard as long as she didn't act stupid again…But as soon as she sat down to use the toilet, She screamed as a bright bolt of lightning lit up the windows, with a earsplitting crash, she jumped pulling her pants back up quickly, almost spazzing out. She looked around the room watching it light up around her, seeing different shapes and forms. She quickly decided to do her business and hurry back out of there. Once out the door, she ran into something flesh like, screaming again and covering her mouth.

"Jude, Jude calm down it's only me, I heard you scream, and got worried," Tommy said grabbing her arm gently. Jude tried to calm her breathing, as she made her way back into the sitting room with Tommy at her side. Her heart had finally calmed some, as she made her way back to Kristin.

Kristin sat there shaking with tears streaming down her cheek. "God...how much longer?" She said to herself then started to sing to calm herself down. " There is no guilt here,"

Jude joined in, as she sang…

There is no shame

No pointing fingers

There is no blame

What happened yesterday has disappeared

The dirt has washed away

And now it's clear

Chorus: There's only grace

There's only love

There's only mercy and believe me it's enough

Your sins are gone

Without a trace

There's nothing left now

There's only grace

You're starting over now

Under the sun

You're stepping forward now

A new life has begun

Your new life has begun

(chorus)

And if you should fall again

Get back up, get back up

Reach out and take my hand

Get back up, get back up

Get back up again

repeat chorus

Jude held onto Kristin as they finished the song. Feeling as though this would never end her self, she found herself apprehensive, and shaken. She remembered all them movies Sadie had convinced her to watch, about storms, just in general scary movies that gave her nightmares for weeks. She felt as though they were living one of them at the moment. None of this was funny anymore. She just wanted it over.

Kristin looked at Jude, not able to shake the guilt she felt, over her best friends' death. Jude hadn't even had to look at her to know. "Kris, Hun, you know this isn't your fault, you have got to stop blaming yourself…You know, every time I got into a car after Patsy died, I couldn't help but blame myself and feel the remorse, and think of how I could have changed something that night, how I might have been able to stop it, and save her. Now she's gone. You guys helped me through that." Jude let out a breath, feeling the tears form in her eyes, at her own thoughts. "I can tell you never really dealt with this the necessary way Kris, but that's what we are here for," Jude said pointing a non visible hand around the room, to the others around her, and herself.

"Kris you can talk about it, none of us are here to judge you, we are here for you. We always have been," Jude whispered softly, rubbing Kristin's arm.

"Yeah but Jude...it's just..." she couldn't form words. She wasn't exactly the kind of person to always talk about her problems especially after her friend died. She just kept it to herself. Since that night her life changed forever. She couldn't help but feeling guilty for everything that happened to Jude and to herself. "I - I just wish I'd been able to throw myself in front of her. I should've been the one." She kept saying her tears now streaming down her cheek at full force. "I know you're trying to help Jude but...right now I don't know. It's still so fresh in mind right now." She sat there trying to come up with the words to tell how it happened. "It was late...and I was in the house with her..." she swallowed hard. "It was storming outside."

"Kris," Jude interjected…"You have to know that we all have a purpose here on earth, it wasn't meant to be you Kris, and I'm glad it wasn't. I know it seems so hard right now, I know what you are feeling. I've been there. But you…Kris…Have reason to still be here. God has a plan for everyone, as weird as it sounds…" Jude finished…letting Kristin finish her story…

She swallowed hard again. " Lighting hit a tree next to Alex's house...and caught on fire...we were both upstairs when it happened...a piece of burning tree came through her window and caught the room on fire it hit her and knocked her out cold...I tried to wake her up but she wouldn't...I picked her up dragging her...out of the house..." she had some flash backs. " the ambulance and fire trucks all arrived to help us but...by the time they got there Alex...was already severely injured and burnt. We took her to the hospital and I stayed with her but they couldn't...s-save her." She broke out into a full blown bawl.

Jude pulled Kristin into a hug, feeling herself cry along with her cousin. She couldn't help it. "I'm so…so…so…sorry Kristin, but you have to know that, that, none of that was your fault, you tried your best Kris…" Jude swallowed. "You did everything you could have done, maybe it, was just…her time…" Jude tried to explain, although she hadn't much understanding herself when it came to these types of things. She always tended to beat herself up also. She felt the need to help her cousin, best friend at that, through this, as she had done for her. "Like I said, we all have a purpose, and maybe she served hers Hun."

"Maybe...but I just can't feeling like I could've done something to prevent it. "She knew she was repetitive but she didn't care...the longer the storm progressed the more it felt like Kristin wanted to almost die. Every time a storm hit. Kristin just didn't understand anymore. Here she is 20 years old and she's crying a little baby over a thunder storm.

Jude wrapped her arms around Kristin, feeling a little chilly. "We will get through this. We'll get through it together and safe ok…It's going to be okay," she whispered.

Jude felt another chill run down her spine. She wondered if she could find a bunny hug or blanket at all. Probably not…

When Kristin had finally calmed, Jude guiltily made her way back across the living room, into the direction of Tommy, her stomach growled audibly. She looked down at herself, blushing, as if anyone knew where it came from anyway. She was starving. She decided that she'd go into the kitchen and blindly raid for something, as Kristin managed to get up and crawl towards the couch trying to avoid collisions with anyone or anything. She found the couch and crawled on top of it. She crawled into a ball wanting to sleep this off…

Jude stumbled her way around the kitchen finding what she was sure, was a box of crackers, and a jar of peanut butter, she felt for the silverware drawer, finding a definite spoon, a whoa!! A flashlight!!!!. She almost jumped for joy as she clicked the small button, creating a small beam of light across the kitchen.

Jude gathered up the crackers, peanut butter, and the spoon. Shining the flashlight to the floor in front of her she bounded into the living room, the light bouncing off the walls around her…"Guys!!! LOOK WHAT I FOUND!!!" She exclaimed proud of herself…

Kristin heard Sadie still spazzing out. "Oh no..." Sadie panicked Tommy grabbing her arms gently "Sadie, snap out of it. You're going to be fine." He said in a stern voice. "Chill out please." Sadie clenched his arms tightly trying to make him relax. Kristin woke up from Jude's exclamation. "Huh? w-what's going on?" Tommy chuckled a bit. "What did you find Jude?" Kristin asked.

Jude smiled and shined the flashlight at Kristin, trying to avoid her eyes, but not succeeding. "A Flashlight you knob!" She giggled. "See light!...and, and food!!" "Sheeze Jude." She covered her face. Jude put the crackers up to the light. "I think I'm going to get some juice too..." Jude walked away again, the flashlight leading her way into the kitchen…The storm must have finally started dieing down, as she realized she no longer heard thunder outside, just a steady rainfall, and wind. She opened the refrigerator, and pulled out a carton of Orange Juice, setting it on the table, the strolled over to the drawers, rummaging through things to find some candles, or maybe another flashlight, and a lighter…matches even…

Jude went through two drawers before she came across everything she was looking for. She lit a few candles in the kitchen, and then made a path, putting one on the little stand in the hallway, one in the bathroom, and bringing several into the living room. If anyone needed anything upstairs they would have to take the flashlight…

Jude sat down on the couch next to Kristin, making little sandwiches with peanut butter and crackers. She passed them out as if it were a gourmet meal. It was nice to finally have light, even if it was dimly lit, they could see. Tommy looked at Jude, pulling her into his arms. "My Angel, he said," Kissing her hair and then her lips. Jude let the kiss deepen until she heard a voice. "Hey you two go get a room!" They heard Kwest say from the landing. He smiled, Sadie at his side as they took a candle, and made their way up the stairs. Jude laughed. "Looks like you two are already doing so…" Sadie gave her a look and took Kwest's hand, as he led her up the stairs, candle still in hand.

"Those look so good" Kristin said as she eyeing the crackers. "Mine is a pepperoni pizza" She giggled. "You just had to say that Kwest." She replied looking at Kwest and rolling her eyes. She shoved a few crackers into her mouth, laughing as Jude turned red faced when they made eye contact.

Before they knew it the storm had completely washed away to a light drizzle, although the power was still out, it would probably take some time. Kristin decided, after she had her fill of crackers, that she would head up to bed herself. She stole a flashlight, and made her way up the stairs, feeling exhausted from, and the night's events that had unfolded. Tommy smiled, and got up to blow out the candles except for one they were going to bring upstairs into Jude's room. They too climbed the stairs slowly, as to call it a night finally.

Kristin laid in her bed tossing and turning as she heard Jude and Tommy climbing the steps quietly…She felt uneasy until she finally fell out.

A few hours later, Tommy cracked his eyes open, feeling Jude shift uneasily in her sleep. He was unsure of whether he should wake her or not, when she grew still again. 'Must have been trying to get comfortable' he thought, closing his eyes, and drifting off again…

"Where am I?" Jude thought. It was dark, she could tell. She could barely see. Wait no, she was on a bed, but it wasn't her room? Where was she? Jude turned her head seeing a window, and a light breeze coming through. Not understanding why everything was so foggy. She jumped quickly, fear rising in her as she heard a door open. Like an automatic response…She looked down at herself, then at a man standing in the doorway, as light shined through. She recognized this man. For some reason, he brought out fear In her that was out of her control. She watched as he made his way slowly and quietly over to her. Too afraid to scream. Her entire body trembling as he gathered at the side of the bed…A chill run down her spine, as her tears finally spilled over, "No, No, NO!!!! PLEEASE!! NOT AGAIN!!!," She screamed out…


	10. Chapter 10: Broken Pieces Of My Past

Chapter 10: Broken Pieces Of My Past.

Jude awoke suddenly, leaping from the bed; she looked at her surroundings, her brain working in overtime. She noticed, now that she was in her own room, Tommy lay asleep next to where she had quickly vacated a moment ago. Scrubbing her hands across her face, noticing, the very real tears, as she wiped down. Jude looked towards the window, noticing the pre gray of dawn settling on the Toronto sky. She felt extremely jumpy, unsure of what the dream was about but it seemed so familiar, she couldn't place it though. She wracked her mind, pacing for a minute, feeling sick inside. Why couldn't she remember? Deciding, Jude moved to find her way out the door and into the washroom. She flicked the switch hoping, as the light popped on. Moving over to the sink, she turned on the tap, cupping her hands and splashing some cold water over her already moist face. She dried it with a towel trying to throw her thoughts aside. She walked unsteadily out of the small room, closing the distance between her and her bedroom. She reopened the door softly, pulling her housecoat from the door hook, she slid her slippers onto her feet.

Jude found herself making her way down the stairs, thinking of the night before. She wanted to look outside and survey the damage, but her thoughts remained. She couldn't shake the feeling that this dream she had, meant something…Opening the front door she stepped out onto the porch, eyeing everything around her. "WOW" She mouthed. There wouldn't even be a possible way of driving out of here today. She jumped looking over as her cat connected with her leg, purring, and brushing up against her. She picked the cat up, kissing her head. "Where have you been pretty?" She asked the cat, only to get a meow in response. She smiled some, and headed back into the house, closing the door behind her. Carrying the cat, she walked over to the couch and sat down, letting herself get lost in her thoughts once again. She found herself faced yet again, with a shaky feeling moving through her loins, as if something internal wanted it's way out.

Upstairs Kristin awoke to the light of the sun hitting her face. She got up from her bed and walked down stairs. "Jude? Sadie? Tommy? Kwest?" She asked as she made her way downstairs to find Jude sitting on the couch. "How did you sleep last night?" She asked plopping herself down on the couch next to her cousin as the cat came over and rubbed against Kristin's arm and purred. "Meow" escaped the cat's mouth. Jude, Lost in thought, she hadn't noticed Kristin next to her... unsure of where the plains of her mind were taking her to, she let a lone tear slide down her face. "Jude?" Kristin asked wrapping her arms around her cousin. "Are you okay?" "Huh, oh, yeah sorry." Jude responded broken from her reverie. She swiped at the tear quickly. "Sorry I guess I'm still a little tired." She faked a yawn. "My eyes are watery."

"Oh..." Kristin wasn't buying it. She knew her cousin too well. "Jude something is wrong...don't lie to me. I'm serious Hun." She looked Jude in the eye. Jude turned her head away. "It's nothing big Kris, I just had a nightmare that scared me a little is all. It was probably from being so worked up last night." Jude pulled herself up off the couch, and walked away. She needed to think. Going into the kitchen, she opened cupboards, finding the coffee, she began to make some. Kristin got up and followed Jude into the kitchen. "Jude here let me help you." she offered as she looked at her smiling.

"It doesn't look like we are getting out of here today," Jude told her, changing the subject. "There is a lot of trees and power lines down, a lot of cleaning up to do…" She scooped up the dry coffee grounds, pouring it into the filter. "Yeah." She responded noticing Jude avoiding the topic. She began to become worried.

"That was a hell of a storm," Jude almost whispered, as she watched Kristin pour the water into the back of the coffee pot. She turned and opened a cupboard door, grabbing a couple packets of pop tarts. She threw one in front of Kristin. "Breakfast?"

She caught it and looked at Jude. "Sure, what kind are they?" she said looking at Jude and smiled some. "Yes that was one hell of a storm."

"It's S'mores," Jude turned away looking out the window above the sink. She wasn't sure if her mind was playing games with her now. For some reason, she felt terrified. She felt a shiver climb up her spine and sustained it before it showed outwardly. She turned the tap on and pretended to rinse her hands… Needing to avoid the subject for now.

"Oh sounds good." she smiled looking at her. "Are you sure you are okay Jude?"

"Yeah, Kris, I fine…Just need some coffee. The stress from last night took its toll is all Hun." Jude finally turned to look at her.

"Okay..." She sighed "so what are you and Tommy going to do? Hang out in the studio downstairs?" she asked. "I'm not sure. It depends. I'm a little tired still. Maybe since the power is back on, we can catch some TV or something." Jude shrugged, taking a bite of her Pop Tart. Jude pulled herself up onto the countertop, swinging her legs. As she waited for the coffee to brew.

"Yeah, I might just uh chill out in my room." Kristin said smiling. "I'm probably going to call Jessica or something." she sat against the counter and looked at her cousin. "You should try and get some sleep if you're tired."

"No!.." she said a little too out of sorts. "I mean, no I'm not that tired. Coffee will bring me through. Sleepy head up there, I'll let him sleep. I think I'll get my guitar out for a while, and play something, maybe." Jude tried to cover her mini meltdown. "Umn wow Jude, relax...geeze...please." She was shocked that her cousin reacted like that. "I didn't mean to make you upset."

"You didn't. I just got a cramp at the same time." Jude lied, with a false giggle. "Sorry Kris." Jude noticed that the coffee was done; she jumped down, and grabbed some mugs. Pouring two cups, she handed one to Kristin, and added some Coffee Mate to her own. She hopped back onto the countertop. Letting the warmth of the sun, that shown through the window, warm her skin.

"Jude...ok...need some Midol or something?" she asked looking at Jude. "Its fine I know you've been stressed. Thanks. "-she said grabbing the cup of coffee. Jude laughed at that one. "No, Kris I don't need Midol. Not yet anyways," She giggled. "I'm sorry," I don't mean to be jumpy towards you. I love you Hun." "I love you too Jude." She smiled looking at her. "Haha yeah "she giggled " "Again its fine." Jude nodded. As she sipped her coffee. She set the mug down, and slid off the counter once again. I'm going to take a shower, she said. She felt like Kristin knew something. When she wasn't even so sure what was bothering her so much in the first place. She strode out of the kitchen, and climbed the stairs, taking her coffee with her, so she could finish it before taking her shower.

Kristin followed suit out of the kitchen and into the loving room, she sat herself down on the chesterfield scrolling through the channels on the TV… grabbing her phone she dialed the number for Jessica's cell phone but got the voicemail. "Hey J its Kristin...just wanted to see what you're doing...looks like you're still sleeping. Give me a call when you get this. K bye." she hung up her cell phone. She sighed, lying sideways. Trying to find something good on the television….

Upstairs, Jude quietly opened her bedroom door, after setting up for a shower, and crept in, as not to wake Tommy. She pulled out some comfortable cloths, and headed back into the bathroom. Setting her cloths in a neat pile next to a couple towels, she pulled off her pyjamas and stepped under the hot streams of water. She closed her eyes, relishing the feeling, letting the water beat down on her bare skin. She let her mind drift, trying to think of Tommy, and his sleeping form inside the room. She felt a smile spread over her features. She never loved anyone as she does him. Not in that sense anyway…

Kristin, getting bored decided to go outside for a minute to look at the damage. "Ugh. We're so going to be stuck here forever!" She sighed, and headed back inside…Only to come face to face with Sadie. "OMG! Sadie doesn't do that!" She exclaimed, holding a hand to her rapidly beating heart. "Sorry Kris, I smelled coffee, Is Jude awake?" "Yeah, she went to take a shower." she said looking at Sadie. "You just get up Sades?" she asked looking at Sadie. "Yeah Kwest is still asleep. So what are you up to?" Sadie asked, following Kristin back into the kitchen.

"Yeah just grabbing something to eat." She replied looking at Sadie. "What about you?"  
"Well it seems we wont be going anywhere so I'll probably just work out some, and spend some time with Kwest, maybe a few movies, I don't know. I hate being stuck in the house…" Sadie turned and filled her cup with coffee...Then made her way back into the sitting room, so she could also channel surf in her boredom until either the shower was free, or Kwest got up…

Kristin got up from where she was sitting and made her way upstairs to her room and laid down there wasn't much for her to do since everyone was kind of doing her own thing.

Jude let the water beat down on her skin once more, rinsing the soap from her body, then turning the shower off. She got out, wrapping a towel around her body, to dry, and used another to dry her hair. She pulled her cloths on still feeling damp but not caring much, and ran a brush through her also damp hair, before cleaning up, and leaving the bathroom, to once again enter her bedroom.

She had an idea. She didn't want to wake Tommy, so she quietly opened her laptop, powering it up, and waiting for it to connect. She typed into the search engine. –Dream Interpretation-. She wasn't too keen on what she'd find on the internet, but she needed something, anything right now. She had never had a nightmare so vivid and terrifying, to where it had bothered her so.

Not finding anything she likes, she types www.google.ca into her address bar and popped up several pages worth of things. She clicked on the first link, and began searching for definitions. She let a pen; fall to her lips, as she read. This didn't make any sense. She thought, as she felt a pair of arms wrap around her, she shrieked and jumped quickly from the seat on her desk, away from Tommy, who looked utterly shocked. "J-Jude, what's wrong?" She breathed, in trying to calm herself. "Y-you just scared me is all, Sorry Tommy, I didn't know you had woken up…" She stammered, letting her self fall into a sitting position on her bed.

Kristin heard Jude shriek and came rushing into her bedroom. "What? What? Are you okay? Are you okay?" she asked looking at her cousin. Jude looked at her. "Yeah Kris, I was looking something up on the internet, I didn't know Tommy was awake, and he scared me," Jude faked a small laugh. Tommy sat next to her, wrapping his arms around her into a hug. "I'm sorry sweetie. I didn't mean to…" He kissed her gently. Feeling her body tremble under his hands. "Oh ok...I was really scared." she replied looking at Jude and Tommy as he kissed her. "I'm ok Kris. I just didn't expect it…" Jude tried her hardest not to be so jumpy but she couldn't help it.

Later on that night…The day had gone by basically uneventful. Jude and Tommy had went into her mini studio downstairs, and rehearsed some of her music, while Sadie Kris and Kwest had played some cards, and such sorts…By the time dinner was over and everything was cleaned, Jude found herself feeling extremely tired, hence not getting much sleep the night before…She climbed the stairs, by herself, and went into her bedroom. She plopped onto the bed, laying down and pulling the comforter up. Tommy and Kwest had decided on watching a scary movie, in which she opted against. Tommy would be up later, which gave her some time to think….

She found herself too quickly falling into a sleep, before she had much time to think. She curled up onto her side, letting her eyes flutter closed…Before she knew it she was back into dreamscape, scathing across terrifying things once again…

There he was standing beside her bed as she sobbed, "Please no, don't please. I didn't do anything wrong this time, please…leave me alone…please." Jude's body shook with heaving sobs, she knew what was coming next, and she knew he wouldn't let her go. She tried everything not to talk, not to do anything. He always told her that she needed this punishment. "Time for your punishment, this time Daddy and mommy isn't around to keep it from happening." He mocked her making her feel even smaller. She slunk back against the headboard of the bed as he got closer. He grabbed hold of her arms, pulling her back. "Don't fight me!" He growled at her. "Please, I'll do anything, anything I promise. I promise." She cried out as he held her down… She could feel him pulling at her cloths in the dark…She shrieked only to have her mouth covered. "Don't, you want it worse, I will hurt you! Don't you dare scream again!!?" He yelled.

Jude sprang bolt upright in bed…her heart pounding hard, struggling to get her breathing under control. She fought the sobs that were rising in her throat, and tried to kick off the too-confining comforter of her bed, that still had the semblance of forceful hands holding her down.

She groped for the glass of water on the bedside table, upsetting it, and knocking over her seldom used alarm clock. The clatter was comforting. It did not contain the sounds often found in her night terror's she'd been having.

Cleansing breaths, she told her self, as the sounds around her began to register in her fogged brain. She almost called out to Tommy…stopping herself, just as the breath came from her mouth. She wanted to try and resolve this on her own first, not running to the safety of Tommy's arms to quickly. She wanted to know that she could stand on her own two feet, without having to lean on someone all the time.

Jude forced herself to remember her dream. Almost like a flashback. A faint memory was stirred up by the dream, playing itself like a video behind her eyes…She clutched the sheet to herself, her eyes clamped tightly shut. Tears spilled from her eyes, as the memory took on a life of its own.

The dream had distorted her perception of the attack. She saw herself as utterly passive, and unable to move, because of her paralyzing fear. She saw a dozen openings for an escape, that she was too scared to take. The old fear had returned itself to her memory with a force, she could never get accustomed to. She relived it all over again, feeling his breath on her skin, feeling the wounds, and the threats. Saw everything.

Trembling and with chattering teeth, she pulled up the comforter, trying to

stop her tears and warm the chill that was spreading from the inside out.

She cleared her throat. Swallowing past the unending lump. She called out to Tommy.

She felt a blush come to her cheeks as she thought of Tommy. Half of it was shame. She knew that calling out to him was a sign of weakness, an acknowledgment that she couldn't take care of herself. Shame that included embarrassment not wanting him to know EVERYTHING about her past experience. Jude had always tried to keep a part of

her self from Tommy, but that had changed. The other half of the blush was pure affection for a man who was her heart.

"Jude?" She heard a voice outside her bedroom door right before he came in. "Tommy...um." Jude didn't know what to say, how to start, how to ask for help, but just hearing Tommy's voice was calming her somewhat.

"Nightmare?" He asked. Sitting next to her trembling body.

"Nightmare, yeah." -Well, more like remembering while I was asleep. It... was awful, horrible, agonizing- she wanted to say, but she was still trying to save face, being the brave little soldier she was brought up to be.

"Was awful," finished Tommy. He knew, his voice grew quieter. Holding her into his arms… "Shhhh, girl, its okay it was just a dream. You are probably still stressed over last night. It was a rough night." Tommy soothed her. Rocking slightly, as the tears fell silently down her cheeks.

She didn't know why, now she remembered. She knew what the dreams were, but she couldn't remember all of it. She felt the need to be stoic. She couldn't tell anyone. Not yet, she needed to deal with this. She needed to be strong on her own…More than anything though, she needed to know everything….everything that happened, now matter how much it hurt.

Jude continued to cry softly, as Tommy soothed her. She wanted to say something, she just couldn't, she couldn't…..

The next time Jude awoke it was morning it was to the sound of the birds. Blackbird song filtered through the thin morning air seeping in her window. She shivered as she realized she must have left it open all night and muttered some abuse to herself as she pulled herself out of bed and snapped it shut. There was little hope of anymore sleep now. Before she even glanced at the faintly luminescent numbers on the clock by her bed she knew that it was early; that the fresh air had woke her again. There was little chance of sinking down into comforting oblivion again.

She spun around, hearing something. Every muscle in her body tensed for action: ready to fight, ready to flee. The room was quiet, only the sound of Tommy's soft breathing coming from the bed. He was sound asleep. She tried to clear her head of the freighting words, stifling a sob, she remembered from her dream. The words were not entirely his anymore. She owned them; they belonged to her, were part of her.

Realizing there was no physical threat she forced her muscles to relax and sank onto the bed. Head in hands she fought the nausea and the headache that greeted her. A hot shower, a very hot shower; that was what she needed. She was even more aware of the smell of it, the smell of him on her that morning. She could feel his arms on her…

In the shower she surrendered herself to the pounding water and began to scrub herself vigorously with the soap. Would she ever be free of it? A sudden shooting pain in her calf caused stars to form in front of her eyes - stars in hyperspace; long thin lines of light. She dropped the bar of soap and grasped at the walls. Sinking down onto the floor, she rubbed the muscle until the pain subsided, leaving only a dull ache.

The sharpness of it was gone. It no longer cut into her. The ache,

Though, that seemed to only become worse. Today seemed to be harder than the one before. She couldn't let herself submit herself to the indignity of tears for what he had done to her.

She made her way from the shower, drying and dressing swiftly. She brushed by Tommy in the hall, whom was on his way to use the bathroom himself. He looked towards her. Feeling emotional vibes bounce off her body. "Jude you look pale. Are you alright?' Concern penetrated his voice.

This isn't the time she told herself. She couldn't tell Tommy. She felt so dirty. No one would see that; she was determined that they would not despise her.

'Yes, I'm fine,' she replied. Tommy's concern was endearing but she was thankful that he was not intrusive in his care of her.

The fear was irrational; she knew that. But to tell someone would mean opening up, making herself vulnerable in the uncovering of her soul to another human being. She recalled the times Tommy had comforted her before, remembered his arms encircling her. Like hills enclosing a valley, there was safety to be found there. Those memories were etched in sunset colours of red and gold, purple and the deepest of blues, glorious displays of light and warmth. Comfort from Tommy meant touch, intimacy.

Jude turned away and let her eyes close, eyelashes brushing her cheek. A silvery drop collected on the fine hairs and slowly rolled down her cheek.

Every day there was something new to be lost.

She made her way away from him, confusing him. "Maybe it's almost that time of month," He thought. He wasn't sure. He did know she needed her space at this moment. He had a feeling inside his gut. There was something more. Something she was hiding inside herself, hiding from him, something that terrified her. He couldn't place it. Wishing that he could, He just wanted to hold her, and tell her everything would be okay, that the world around her would be okay, he would always keep her safe…He watched as she made a slow path down the stairway, concealing her reactions away from him. He turned and walked into the bathroom…

Jude shivered, sitting alone in the kitchen. She put her head down on the table. Why did she feel like this was so unbearable? She was supposed to be strong. To be able to handle this, now every night terrified her beyond imagination; the sense of being trapped in her body when all her mind wished to do was float free. She wondered what held it all together. Lately she felt as if the line that tethered her, that anchored her to the ground was growing so thin, and she wasn't sure how to get it back all of a sudden, her world was crashed with these memories. So inconceivable, she didn't even want to touch them with the sorest mind. She had no control. It came blindly to her, like a reckoning in the night.

Nearly 20 minutes later, and with subtle movements. She cradled a hot cup of coffee in her hands, near her face, like a child hiding behind the settee. Her eyes were accentuated, looking around her.

Jude jumped as she saw a figure in the doorway, looking she realized it wasn't him, she closed her eyes taking a breath. She looked up to Kristin standing in the doorway of the kitchen eyeing her.

Kristin walked into the kitchen a little more. "Jude? Are you okay?" she noticed Jude was more irriatable and thought maybe it was because it PMS or stress from work. She walked closer to Jude and grabbed some coffee

"Yeah, I'm fine Kris, Just a little tired I guess…" She responded distantly. She looked away hoping Kristin couldn't read her actions. She hated lieng to anyone, but she just couldn't say anything right now.

"Oh...ok." She replied. "You still haven't gotten to sleep yet? Jude you really need to be sleeping." She said softly placing her hand on her cousin's shoulder. "I did sleep Kris just not the best is all. My body is playing games with me. Probably just stress…" Jude concluded.

"Okay..." she replied "Well I'm going into the living room and chill out on the chesterfield if you need me." she said softly smiling. "Sure," Jude said. Faking a small smile. She stood up from her chair and opened the refrigerator. Deciding maybe she needed something to eat, but the minute she thought of it, she felt sick. Nausea hit her, hard and unexpectedly. She clutched her stomach, shaking her head. Forget it…She closed the refrigerator and walked away. 'Why is this happening?' She asked herself.

Kristin retreated to the living room and plopped down grabbing the remote and watching the TV. She sat there and flipped on mtv to see what was going on back home. Yes she still watched her own show on TV. Well her former show and now even Lauren's show. She watched as Kyndra was flirting with Cameron and thought "Gee wow she's trying to be like me now?" She rolled her eyes.

Jude felt like retching, she swallowed hard, trying not to let the tears fall again. Not only was this affecting her mentally, but now physically. Internally it made her sick at the thought. The flashing nightmares, causing her to lose, sleep, and focus. Jude moved to sit back down, laying her head into her arms. She waited for the moment, when she was to be questioned. She thought about taking the day off today, but maybe being out of work wasn't such a great idea…maybe she needed the work. Nausea rolled over her threateningly. She sat up quickly swallowing several times. "I can't do this…"She closed her eyes…wishing away the horrible feeling.

Kristin looked at the TV. "Wow!" She mouthed. "Hey thought I was a whiney drama queen, looks like Kyndra beat hands down…." She laughed.

Jude swallowed again. "NO!" She would not let her thoughts get carried away again, she couldn't. She had to stop this now. "I can't keep dwelling on this!" Her fist hit the table with a thump…She blinked back a few tears, as the nausea continued its assault on her.

Kristin got up and walked back into the kitchen after hearing Jude. "Sweetie, what is wrong with you?" she said rubbing Jude's arm with her hand. "I know something is wrong now please talked to me." She looked at Jude genuinely concerned that something was wrong with her. "I'm sorry Kris, I J-Just been…" Jude stopped herself short. She almost blurted everything out. No, no, no…she insisted on keeping this to herself for now. It would be even worse out in the open. People would treat her differently. The least thing she needed right now, was that. She looked away from Kristin, concentrating on her cup of coffee. She sipped at it, but the moment it hit her stomach, Nausea hit her again, with a vengeance. 'Bad move' she thought…

You've just been what? "Kristin asked looking concerned. "Jude don't lie to me you know you can tell me anything I wont judge you. I love you so much and I'm here for you." Kristin told her. Jude sighed. "I've just been having…" Jude stopped short again, her stomach twisting… She couldn't bring the words out of her mouth…She closed her eyes. Swallowing hard, her stomach lurched, causing her to clasp a hand to her lips, She turned away from Kristin, dry retching into her hand.

Jude fought the tears that threatened to fall down her face. She stood up abruptly making her way over to the kitchen sink. She leaned on it her hands holding on so tightly, her fingers turned a whitish colour. Of all people, she just couldn't tell, would be Kristin. It would hurt her to know. Or, she just wouldn't believe her. Jude felt ashamed suddenly, vulnerable, damaged, and sick inside. She shook her head. She didn't want to remember any of this. Why now? Feeling disgusted with herself, for even almost informing Kristin of what went on behind those closed doors in the dead of night, so long ago. She clutched at the sink. Letting her hair fall into her face.

Kristin looked at Jude get up and walks to the sink and she followed her. She wrapped her arms around her cousin pulling her tightly into a hug. "Hun, what's wrong with you...don't lie to me. Whatever it is just tell me, please." She said looking at Jude. She knew something was wrong with Jude. She was getting frustrated as to why Jude couldn't or wouldn't tell her. Jude looked at her, with tear filled eyes. "I just don't feel well Kris," She responded. Kristin didn't understand.

How could she tell Kristin, that her Uncle, Kristin's very own father, had done this. That he had hurt her so. How many terrifying nights she spent trembling as Kristin and Sadie had slept in rooms next to her as a child. How many tears had fallen, and sleepless nights she endured over the time, her parents had left her and Sadie with Kristin's father in Laguna. The very thought sickened her, and she found herself retching again, spilling the little she had in her stomach into the sink in front of her. She knew if Kristin knew of this, she would blame herself. Somehow she would find fault in herself, for not knowing or protecting Jude, from her father.

"Jude...I know you and you're hiding something." She looked at Jude. "Please tell me." She knew Jude wasn't a very good liar. She looked at Jude almost reading her face which said something was terribly wrong and going through her head. Jude shook her head, trying to catch her breath. "I c-can't" She doubled over the sink again, letting the tears fall freely now.

"Okay...I'm not going to force you to tell me." She replied. "I've gotta run up to my room." she looked at Jude. She heard her phone ring. "I'll be back down." She nodded as she heard someone coming down the stairs. She walked away from Jude and saw Tommy. "She's in the kitchen Tommy." he nodded as she said that.

Tommy entered the kitchen, seeing Jude whom was trying but failing to calm her stomach. She was shakily leaning over the sink, her hair covering any portion he could see of her face.

"Jude, sweetie...what's the matter?" He said walking over to her and wrapping his arms around her waist. - Are you okay?" he asked as she saw her trying to cover her face. "I'm okay," she sat up, turning the tap on to rinse the sink. "I don't think the coffee settled right is all," She lied turning to him. "I need to go brush my teeth." Jude brushed past him once again…and headed upstairs to the bathroom. Once inside she found herself sitting on the toilet lid, her head in her hands, she finally let herself cry. The sobs, shaking her body hard.

He watched her brush past him and was really frustrated once again. "What is going on?" he asked himself. He stood there looking at fridge as he walked upstairs and to the bathroom. "Jude?" he asked knocking on the door. "Can I come in please?" Jude stiffened up, trying to quiet herself. "I'll be out in a minute," came her reluctant voice." She found some tissues and wiped her face… "Ok." He said slipping his hand into his pockets leaning against the wall waiting on Jude to come out.

Crying felt good for a change. She had to be able to push this away for a while, maybe just a few hours. Using a wet cloth, she washed down her face, drying it. She then opened the door. She couldn't keep acting like this, avoiding people. Or she would be forced to tell…

Jude found herself sitting alone, in the basement studio. She hadn't meant to push everyone away. She felt somber, as she strummed her guitar, humming at first, then adding lyrics and rhythm to her chords.

I used to think it was so easy.

Used to throw myself out there,

Like the wind.

Not wasting a second.

Not looking back.

I turned to you.

Unconnected from myself.

Needing you.

You came to me.

In the midst of my storm.

How I crashed down again.

I'm not so sure.

Instead I find myself rewinding back.

Chasing time.

Trying to hard.

To erase the memories.

They pour down like rain.

visions of the torn and scarred.

I'm chasing time.

Can't turn back,

Can't walk ahead.

Two steps in place.

I can't let it swallow me whole.

Trying not to lurk in the shadows,

Falling deep into the depth of my soul.

I try to usher them fourth.

The words fail me.

Muting me like a mime.

I know what it's like,

to be a mannequin of myself.

A frozen fear,

Of paralyzing angst.

A soul stolen yet to borrow.

I carry a smile in my pocket,

Did you know?

A smile to hold you away,

from the coldest emotional blow.

I carry a heart in my chest,

but it beats in three.

Healed from the tears to become me.

Sometimes I reach out,

Just to pull back again.

I come undone,

just to detach.

Sometimes I want to scream,

but I just cover my mouth.

again rewinding back...

Chasing...

memories and time.

I'm chasing time.

Can't turn back,

Can't walk ahead.

Two steps in place.

I can't let it swallow me whole.

Trying not to lurk in the shadows,

Falling deep into the depth of my soul.

I try to usher them fourth.

The words fail me.

Muting me like a mime.

Haunting me...

Chasing me...

I'm chasing time.

Jude let the amp ring with the chords, feeling her throat constrict at the lyrics she had just thought up….She could remember them by heart, although she had just sang them for the first time.

Kristin stood there against the doorway as Jude sang that song and listened to the words. She almost broke down in tears because those lyrics sounded like Jude was hurting so bad. "Hey." Kristin said walking into studio area. Jude almost jumped out of her skin, startled by Kristin's presence in the studio. Her heart must have climbed into her chest, she tried to say something, as she looked at Kristin, She only managed to open her mouth, and close it again, trying to wipe at her tears quickly.

"Jude, what's the matter?" she asked this time with tears falling down her face. "And please stop hiding from me."

"I-I can't Kris…you don't understand. I just-just can't. Jude broke out into sobs right in front of her. She couldn't help it. She needed so much to tell someone. In the same sense, she needed so much not to. "Jude, you can...you can tell me anything." She said looking at Jude. "Stop avoiding me, I know something's wrong." She said tears falling down her own cheeks.

"Kris…I don't mean to make you cry, it's just so hard," She sobbed. "It's hard to tell you, it's hard to tell Tommy. I just, just I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm falling apart. I can't pull myself up anymore…." Jude mumbled, through her ongoing tears. "I'm crying because you're crying and I can't figure it out Jude." She replied as she looked at Jude. "I don't get it you know you can tell me anything."

Jude looked away from her. "I know…Kris this is different…I'm so sorry," She whispered meekly. Jude suddenly found herself lost in thought as Kristin sat quietly beside her. She could see him in her head, an image that hasn't much left for the past few days, but this time it was more. Almost like she was awake, and dreaming. She felt a hand go over her face, covering her mouth…" "Don't scream…" She heard. As he made his way, onto her small frame. Feeling terrified. Frozen in place by her fear. Tears made small paths down her hot face, as she sat dazed. She could feel his breathe on her body, hear his words in her ears. Her body trembled. She cried out in pain as he took her…Pinning her down onto the bed…She tried to shove him away. To move, kicking at him. He slapped her once hard on her face, pinning her down more so. She could taste the blood…She felt faint…her head fogging over…

Kristin noticed Jude frozen in her thoughts. "Jude..." she said looking at her cousin and wrapping her arms tightly around her trying to comfort her. Jude jumped up abruptly pushing her away, "No please, don't touch me!!" she screamed backing away. She felt emotions flood through her as she realized she was still in her basement studio. Her heart was racing beyond panic, as she backed herself into a corner, sliding down…She felt like she couldn't breathe. "No…no, no. please," make it stop she told the air around her. Her voice stuttering with her words.

"Jude it's just me." she said as her cousin back away from her. Kristin was scared. She was acting just like Kristin did when her father had raped her. Kristin began piecing things together now…

"Kris…?" she whispered from the corner. "Her entire body was shaking. She couldn't breathe. "I c-cant breathe, make it stop. Kris help me please…make it stop." She rasped. Jude had broken down this time. Not by herself but evidently in front of Kristin of all people. She realized. "Oh god, Kris, I'm so sorry." She tried to breath, but it came in laboured heaves, as her body subjected her to various degrees of horrendous emotions.

"Jude..." She walked over to Jude" "Calm down...please calm down. Breathe in and out very slowly." She held her in her arms "Relax Hun. Shhhh I'm right here." Jude tried to stabilize her emotions…Closing her eyes, she forced herself to breathe. "I'm sorry Kris, I'm sorry." "For what Jude?" Why do you keep saying that?" she asked concerned...by this time she'd gathered Jude was beyond upset at this point. "I-I can't…" She breathed. "I can't." Jude shook her head. Trying to shake away the feelings.

She helped Jude to the window down in the studio and opened it up allowing fresh air to enter the room. "Where's your inhaler?" she asked looking at her cousin. "I-I don't know. I haven't had to use one in so long…"she breathed, in the air, hoping it would help calm her. Her body still trembled with the aftershocks of her all too real flashback. She hated that she kept remembering new things. Each one seeming more horrific than before.

"Kris…I…I think we need to talk…" Jude stumbled over her words, walking away from the window indicating for Kristin to follow her back up the stairs. Once upstairs they had found a note, stating that Tommy had called into the studio, telling Darius she was sick, and he and Sadie had gone into work, as to not make Darius furious with them. They made there way into the sitting room, and sat down on the chesterfield. Jude knew there was no turning back now. After her little scene downstairs, she owed Kristin an explanation.

"Yeah, I think we do need to talk Hun." Kristin finally replied looking concerned, seeing the hurt in Jude's face.

"Ummm," Jude fumbled for the right words. Her hands clasped tightly together. "L-Lately…I have been remembering things. Things that my subconscious had hidden away for a while now, I've been having flash-backs, and, and nightmares…" Jude tried, tears falling from her blue eyes once again…"I can remember so much, but some is still caught, and I don't know what to do. I can't…I can't get the images out of my head…"

"Jude, its okay, please. Just finish, tell me what is going on…" Kristin said, feeling shaken up. Somehow she knew almost what she was going to say…

"He…he hurt me…" Jude broke down again…"More than once, Kris…He ra…He raped me…" She let the words fly from her mouth….

"Who? What?" Kristin asked looking at her cousin concerned. "Jude Hun, you have to tell me. Who did this to you?" She started to panic because she was afraid that it was the same person she thought it was.

"Kris this is so hard, but please, I'm not lieing. You have to believe me, please…" Jude cried. "When we were staying in Laguna…When my mom and dad went on them trips all the time, and they'd leave us in Laguna when they went. He…came in at night…when everyone was asleep, and he-he hurt me…a lot…" Jude could barely get the words from her mouth, beyond her shaking body.

Kristin's mouth dropped. She looked at her cousin with a loss for words because it was the same guy. The very guy who brought her to life. She stumbled for the words now with her cheeks flooded with tears from her eyes. "M-m-y my father?" she whispered as she couldn't believe this was happening. She thought it was just her. "J-Jude I'm so sorry." She sobbed. She wanted to crawl into the corner and cry because she had no idea.

Jude looked at Kristin… "How-how did you know? How?" She stuttered. "Was it my dad Jude?" Kristin asked as she sat there looking at Jude. "B-b-because if it was...then...my dad did it to me too." She looked down afraid to admit it. She never told anyone because her dad told her not to. He had threatened her as he did Jude.

Shaking Jude jumped from the couch, turning on her heels; she dashed into the washroom, locking the door behind her. She let herself slide to the floor, tears flooding her. She couldn't face Kristin right now. She wasn't sure how she knew. She didn't want to hurt her. She needed her. What if she thought she was lieing. "Why? Why god? Why did I tell her that it was her father? Why can't I just lie?!" Jude sobbed.

Kristin tried her hardest to follow Jude inside; instead she found the door locked already. "Jude…I believe you…He…he did it to me too," Kristin slid down onto her but, letting her own tears fall. She tried to talk to Jude through the door, knowing exactly what she was feeling right now.

"Why?" She heard Jude's stricken voice come from the other side of the door. "Why did he do this? Why would he hurt us?" Jude just couldn't come to terms with it, unable to wrap her mind around, why anyone would go as far as hurting someone so hideously.

"I honestly d-don't know." she couldn't help but feel guilty for what her father did. She wished she had known so she could've stopped him. A flashback came to Kristin. "I swear to god if you tell your mother I will kill you." His voice rang in her head as he pulled her close kissing her with his hands exploring her body. "Be a good little girl Kristin and I'll go easy on you." "NO DADDY. PLEASE STOP." Kristin broke out into a cold sweat shaking. "NO, no, no, no," she said repetitively out loud not aware she was having a flashback of the situation

"Kris...?" Jude turned and unlocked the door opening it. She sat on her knees, on the floor. "It's not your fault, don't…don't blame yourself please…If-if you do, than it makes it just as much my fault…" Jude crawled from the bathroom, where Kristin was sitting. "I'm so-sorry Kris…I'm sorry. Please don't cry."

Kristin looked away not having the words. She felt stupid and ashamed that her father did such things to her and her cousin. "Yeah." She barely managed to whisper. "It wasn't your fault it was mine." it seemed as if one bad thing after another after another kept building up. "Don't be it wasn't your fault." she said again

Jude pulled herself into a sitting position next to Kristin…"This…This was no where near your fault. Kris…It wasn't. It was his…he's sick…twisted…needs help…He…he told me that if I told anyone he would make sure I no longer had a life…Kris you were just as little…It can't be your fault. You have got to stop blaming yourself for everything that went wrong…if anything it's mine…I should have known it wasn't only me…I mean why just me…why would he pick me out of everyone. I should have known…" Jude shook her head.

I know but I still feel like I could've done something." She sighed as she looked at her cousin. "He threatened my life too." she said softly." So many times I'd wished he were dead." she looked at Jude. "Me being little doesn't excuse the fact that I didn't say anything." Kristin told her…

"Kris, the same for me, it doesn't excuse it, but we were afraid, as we are now, What if it, what if it would have been worse? We were too afraid. I feel guilty just as much as you now Kristin, I didn't think…I didn't want to think that it could have been happening to more than just me…" Jude looked at her…Trying to think…

Kristin looked at her… "Sadie…" They both said at the same time… "What if?"…Jude shook her head… "No please LORD in heaven no…"

"Yeah I know but it was." She replied almost sharply. "Sorry I'm just a little on edge. I hope to god this didn't happen to Sadie." She said looking at her cousin. "If it did I'll hate myself more then I already do now." she said trying to blink back the tears.

"Kris if it did…if it did, it would be my fault…I used to tell her everything, and I was just too afraid…Too tattered…I couldn't tell her…" Jude dropped off…How could they know? How would they find out…?

She nodded. "I know. That's why mom divorced my dad was because she found out...and I didn't know he was doing this to me at such a young age." she said.

"Kris…why did she leave you with him then? Why didn't she take you with her?" Jude asked.

"Because I was too much of a handful." She said looking at her cousin. "I began drinking and smoking...always getting into trouble."

"But that could have changed if she would have just took the time…I guess no one is perfect…my mom just ran off, like Sadie and I don't even matter to her anymore…"

Jude and Kristin about jumped out of their skin as they heard a key slide into the front door. Jude jumped up taking Kristin's hand, they ran down into the basement studio, feeling shaken up, and not sure who it was, that was coming in the door…

"Hello? Anyone here?" They heard an all too familiar voice call from up stairs. Jude looked at Kristin, fear filling her features immediately…"Oh no..." Kristin started panicking. "What, what is he doing here?" Kristin asked herself. "God make it go away..."

"Kristin listen to me…I'm really scared right now, and I know you are too. This is a horrible time…We need to find a way out of here…without bumping into him…I don't know…" Jude took Kristin's hand, and they crept quietly up the basement stairs…Jude opened the door slightly looking out… "Shit…" She muttered. She could feel her limbs begin to shake more. Just as she was spotted…

"Hey," The voice said. "Your dad gave me a key; I'm vacationing here up in Toronto for a couple weeks. He said that I can stay here with you guys…Is my daughter here?" The voice asked Jude.

Jude motioned for Kristin to stay out of sight, and behind her. She could feel her heart pumping through every part of her body as fear overtook her being…"I-I she's not here," Jude lied… "Ummm…I was just-just practicing in the studio. I heard someone up here…" Jude Stammered. "Are you okay Jude," he asked. Acting like nothing had ever happened between them. "I have… I have to go…finish" Jude shut the door behind her, locking it between them, she raced back down the stairs with Kristin, the fear in her all to real, knowing that man was right up stairs shook her to the core. She felt like the locked door between them wasn't enough. "What now?" She asked herself pacing the floor. She looked at Kristin seeing her visibly shaking also.

Kristin sat there trying to logically come up with some type of explanation as to what to do. The man she hated more then anything was there. "I-I don't know." Kristin replied. Jude sat down next to Kristin trying to think up something, a way to sneak out of there. They could here him walking around upstairs…what if…he was planning something. Why would he come here now, of all times? Almost like he knew that she had remembered all the things that had happened…Her insides were twisting and shaking. She felt frozen. The noise from upstairs beckoning to her, like fast steps behind her in the night. He was definitely making sure he was heard…

Kristin looked at Jude as they were trying to figure out what to do. "Ugh I wish he would leave. but Jude what are we going to do? live down here for the next two weeks?" she asked.

"I don't know Kris…I don't know." Jude stood up and plugged in her guitar playing it softly, trying to soothe them both, while also trying to make him believe she wasn't lieing. Jude played the chorus to the song, she had sung just earlier over and over she sang softly.

A few hours had gone by. Jude and Kristin had felt like they were in hiding, when they heard more voices come from upstairs. They recognized them as Sadie and Tommy.

"Hey Uncle Dennis," Sadie said, taking off her coat. "Dad told me today you'd be here." She hugged him. "It's nice to see you. This is Tommy, Jude's producer," She introduced Tommy. They shook hands. "And this is Kwest, My boyfriend, and Jude's engineer." She said. "Dad will be home soon. What smells good?"

"I made some home made lasagne," He stated. "Wow sounds good," Sadie said as they followed her uncle into the kitchen. "Have you seen Kris, and Jude?" She asked. He looked at her. "Jude is down in her studio, she's been down there for hours, said she was working on something. Kris, I don't know. Jude said she wasn't here." He turned and placed the hot food onto the table…

Sadie made her way to the basement door, she jiggled the handle… "Great she must be working hard on something, if she's locked herself in there again..." Sadie said. She pulled a key from the shelf in the kitchen and unlocked the basement door. "Jude?" She called making her way down the stairs…" Jude quickly met her where she was. "Hey Sades, sorry was working…What's up?" Jude tried her best to hide all emotion. "Well Uncle Dennis made dinner, Tommy and Kwest are here, and dad will be home soon. You should some up. Is Kristin with you?" Jude nodded. "We'll be up soon, she was helping me write," Jude turned and made her way back down the stairs. She found Kristin sitting down in the little room off from the studio.

"Kris…I'm so sorry. That was Sadie. We have to go upstairs. Tommy is here. Your dad made dinner. Ummm, I'm sorry. We can't let them know something is going on Kris. We will be safe for now. If we have to, we can leave later…" Kristin nodded, and they both made their way up the stairs and into the kitchen. They noticed the table was already set. As they all sat down to eat. Sadie dished out plates. Jude bowed her head, saying a silent prayer to herself, before she attempted to take at least one bite. She looked over at Kristin, her stomach twisting. She could see a glint of fear in Kristin's eyes. Deciding she definitely wasn't hungry she sat as the others around her ate.

Tommy noticed neither Jude nor Kristin had touched their food. "Aren't you two eating?" He asked. "You haven't touched a thing on your plates." Jude looked at him. She stood up from the table. "Excuse me," she said, walking away and up the stairs, into her bedroom. She shut the door quietly behind her…throwing herself onto her bed. What was she to do? She couldn't say anything. She wished she could feel safe again, right now, she was terrified. She knew she was older now, but she also knew what fear could do…She placed her head into her hands…letting the tears fall, she wondered how she could even have any tears left.

Almost ten minutes had gone by, since Jude left the table. "I think I'm going to check on her," Tommy said starting to get up from his chair. " No, Tommy eat." Kristin said. "I'll check on her." Kristin excused herself, and made her way upstairs also, to Jude's bedroom…

Kristin went upstairs to check on Jude. She reached the top of the stairs and made her way towards Jude's room. "Jude?" she asked knocking on the door. "May I come in? please?" She looked at the door waiting for the go ahead to come inside her bedroom from her cousin. She was concerned because not only were they afraid of what happened in the past they were also frightened even more because Kristin's dad was in the house where they felt safest in.

Jude sighed. Sitting on her bed, unsure of what to do next. She felt like melting into nothing at this very moment. No matter how hard she tried to convince herself that she would be fine. She just couldn't do it. Her fear took over in the midst of everything, a paralysing fear. She couldn't control with the deepest of strength.

Jude was sitting on her bed with her head in her hands a sigh of relief escaped her mouth as she heard Kristin. "Yeah, come in." Kristin opened the door then closed it behind her locking it. "You okay?" "No...Not really. God Kris just when I thought it wasn't going to get any worse it does." She said wiping her tears. "I-it's going to be okay I promise Jude." Kristin pulled her cousin into her arms. "I won't let him hurt you." She looked at the wall which had a picture of Kristin and Jude on it goofing around when they were younger. "I mean it Hun, he won't." Meanwhile downstairs, Dennis was talking to Tommy , Sadie and Kwest about how proud of Kristin he was. "Yeah she's grown up quite a bit since the show happened." He said looking at Tommy then to Sadie.

: "Yeah Dennis, so kind of job do you have?" Tommy asked looking at Dennis. "I'm a land contractor. I help survey land and stuff for houses and what not." He said taking a sip of some wine he had picked up from the store. "That's cool." "Uncle Dennis how is Mickey?" Sadie asked referring to Kristin's brother. "He's good he's actually engaged now. The wedding is in June." He laughed a bit. "He and his fiancée Sara are very happy. I'm proud of him." He smiled looking at Sadie. "Now if Kristin could meet someone we'd be all set." Tommy looked over at Sadie. "Excuse me Dennis." Tommy said as he got up to go use the washroom

Jude put her head into her pillow. "I just can't Kristin. I can't convince myself that, any of what was just said is true. I'm so scared. I feel like everything inside of me is trembling. It won't stop. The images in my head won't stop…" Jude trailed off, Muffled by her pillow.

"It'll be okay I promise Hun." She replied looking at her cousin. They heard footsteps coming up the steps and Kristin's heart was pounding a mile a minute. "Shhhh...What was that?" Kristin asked shrieking because she was scared. Her palms were claming up.

Jude sat up quickly…"Wh-who is it?" She stuttered. Hopping off the bed, she grabbed a hold of the first thing she saw, it being a lava lamp. She stood next to her bedroom door waiting, shaking visibly.

Jude held the lamp firmly in her shaking hands as the sounds grew closer. "It's me Jude." Tommy said standing at the door. Kristin sat on the bed looking at Jude who was holding a lava lamp. "Can I come in?" He asked waiting for Jude to open the door. Jude let out a breath; she hadn't realized she was holding. Setting the lamp back, she moved to open the door.

Tommy walked inside her bedroom looking around at Kristin then wrapping his arms around Jude as he closed the door behind him and locked it. "You guys okay?" He asked smiling as her held Jude in his arms.

"Yeah, we're fine," Jude tried not to look into Tommy's eyes. He could always tell when she was lieing, and this was not the time…She pulled away form Tommy for a minute, Moving to adjust the lamp, back on its post.

Tommy looked at Jude then to Kristin who was fiddling with a notebook. "Yeah, Tommy I swear we're fine." Kristin exclaimed. "Yeah, well you guys coming back downstairs for dessert?" Tommy stood there with his hands in his front pockets while watching Jude adjust the lava lamp.

"We're not very hungry…" Jude interjected. Kris was helping me work on a song, so we will probably finish that…" Jude said, her back still turned. "I love you though Tommy," She smiled, but he was unable to see it. "I love you too girl…" Tommy couldn't shake the feeling that Jude was hiding something from him, although he knew he had to give her time. It hurt him inside to know, she would feel the need to keep something from him, with how great things have been going. He had told her everything about his past, so that he could feel the need to let her into his heart. Which is exactly what he had done. She was acting funny…he could sense a vibe on her, but was completely unsure of what it was. She had been avoiding him here and there. He needed to know. 'On her own time' Tommy told himself. "Okay, well I'll see you two when you're finished," He stated before walking back out the door.

Kristin sat there looking at the song "Yeah, this song so far is really good." she said looking at Jude. She watched Tommy leave the room after saying... "Jude, if you need me I'll be downstairs." it was his own subtle way of saying "Jude please talk to me but when you're ready." He walked away after opening the door and closing it behind him. Kristin laid back on the bed thinking. "Jude...do you think Tommy knows more then he's letting on?" She asked looking at the ceiling. Little did they know Tommy was still by the door listening to their conversation… "I can't believe Dad is here. What if he tries...to...you know?" She continued looking at the ceiling.

"I don't know. I don't mean to be so distant. I just can't. Kris I'm so scared…" Jude sat down, putting her head into her hands. "I can't Kris…I can't keep feeling this. I'm falling apart," She whispered.

"I know Hun." Kristin pulled Jude into her arms. "I'm feeling the same way...it seems like everything bad thing just keeps happening." She sighed. "Shhhhh it's going to be okay, i promise."

"But Kris how do we know? What if…What if…" She couldn't finish her sentence. Even the though sent chills through her body. "I don't know Kris…" Jude leaned back laying on the bed, She curled herself into a fetal position. She closed her eyes, praying she would see nothing behind them. She just needed to see nothing, blackness. Subtle colours, anything but what she was seeing lately, or feeling now.

She laid down with Jude. "It's going to be okay...I won't let anything happen to you. Maybe we could go to Jamie's for the night?" she asked looking at Jude.

Jude turned to look at Kristin. "Tommy would have a coronary…He would think that, you know…" Jude didn't say the exact words but she was sure Kristin got the point. "I just wish our brains had something like a control panel, or system restore, like a computer would. Erase all the memories like corrupted files…" Jude said putting a hand over her eyes.

"Yeah but would you rather him know what happened or let it happen again or would you rather him think that...but of course I don't think he would think that because...I'm going with you too. Ya know?" she asked. "I don't know Jude it seems like a, lose, lose situation. I wish our brains would erase the bad memories but...it won't." She looked at her cousin.

Jude let her cheeks puff up with air before letting it out slowly. She sighed. "We can't go to Jamie's…If he finds out…He will tell Tommy, shit would hit the fan Kris…"

"You're right." She looked at her and started shaking. " We could go to that studio you have." she looked at Jude still and started to have a flash back of Kristin's dad coming into her room while she was sleeping and waking her up to do things to her. "God make it stop." she yelled loudly not realizing there were people downstairs.

"We can't just leave Kris, they will suspect something, especially without Tommy."

Jude sat up. "By the way, Stephen called this morning. I forgot to let you know, sorry," She told her.

Tommy made his way back into the kitchen. He couldn't help but keep thinking about what Jude could be hiding. Bad visuals kept playing themselves out in his head. He needed something to clear his thoughts…

"Hey Tommy, Jude alright?" Stuart asked. "Yeah, she and Kristin are working on a song together I guess." He answered a little too quickly. "Oh, Well, Kwest and Sadie suggested going out tonight, bowling or something…Want to go?" Stuart asked him. "Sure why now," That could be a way to clear his head, taking his frustration out on a bowling ball sounded like a good idea.

Stuart looked to Dennis. "What about you, want to come along?" "No, I'm a little tired from the Trip actually I think I'll settle in actually. You guys have fun." Dennis cleared the table, setting the dirty dishes into the sink. "Ok, suit yourself, I'm sure with Kris and Jude working on a song, we wont pull them out of here, so there is no sense in asking, we all know how Jude is…and bowling is not her favourite anyway." Stuart finished. "I'm going to head out before they leave without me." Stuart gathered his things and met Sadie, Kwest and Tommy outside. Once all into the car, They drove off.

"Maybe Jude will feel a little better once she has this song out of her," Tommy thought to himself. Sometimes that was all she needed. He just needed to clear his head, and maybe his time out would do that for him. Not that it was working at the moment. His thoughts just kept running back to her. Maybe they should have asked them to come along. Tommy thought again, feeling guilty.

Kristin sat there looking at her cousin. "So what could we use for the..." Kristin heard doors to a car open and she rushed towards the window. "Oh no..." she said softly to herself looking at her cousin trying not to freak out.

Jude jumped up…"Kris what is it?" Jude looked out the window seeing the car pull away…She looked back at Kristin. "You think he went with them?" She asked…Jude shook her head, silently praying that he did.

Shit...I don't. know." she got up and walked towards the door looking at Jude. "I'll...I'll go check." She walked to the door opening it and closing it behind her. She took a big gulp trying to calm herself down.

Jude rushed out the door, stepping in behind her. "Not by yourself you aren't." Jude told her, grabbing onto Kristin's hand they made their way down the stairs. They tried to be as quiet as possible. Jude stepped down making one of the steps creak. Both girls jumped, covering their mouths to stifle a screams.

Meanwhile at the bowling Alley Tommy let his quilt over ride him into a panic, he had a bad feeling in his gut. He got up. Saying that he forgot something at the house, he left the others to play their game. And hailed a Cab back to the Harrison house….

"Jude. Kristin?" They heard Dennis call out. His voice getting closer, "Are you there?" Jude froze, grabbing Kristin's arm. "Run!" She mouthed. "The studio downstairs!."

Both girls made a run for it, stumbling down the stairs, and past him quickly, running down another set of stairs into the basement…Jude stood next to the couch, pacing…"Kris…Kris..." her voice shook. "I for-forgot to lock the door." Tears made paths down Jude's face as she trembled in fear. "Jude…Stay here…I'll lock it." Kristin said making her way over to the stairway, but he was already there….

"Dad, Ummm, what are you doing?" Kristin's voice trembled. "I need to have a talk with you girls now!" He said. "Dad we, we are busy," Kristin tried. " NOW!" He growled grabbing Kristin by the arms and shoving her back.

Jude watching in fear began backing herself into the corner of the room, as Dennis shoved Kristin back into the studio area. "Dad please!" Kristin cried. "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO KRISTIN!!" He slapped her once hard knocking her to the floor in front of him.

Jude covered her eyes at the scene in front of her. Her whole body shaking with sobs. She wished she could take Kristin and disappear.

Kristin stood up. Only to be kicked back down. She let out a wail as she fell holding her side. Crying out in pain. Jude looked around trying to find a way out. "DON'T YOU DARE MOVE!!" His eye's caught her movements. She froze again.

Dennis grabbed Kristin up, setting her forcefully into the chair. He grabbed a rope from his pocket, and began tying her, while eyeing Jude who ever so often began to move towards him. "DON'T HURT HER!!" Jude yelled, crying hysterically. "LEAVE HER ALONE YOU PSYCHO!!"

"Shut up girl now! Or you will get it worse." Jude covered her mouth. She wanted everything in her to keep Kristin from being hurt. She felt frozen in place, by her own fear. She closed her eyes tightly praying something intangible.

Jude opened her eyes, to find two forceful hands grabbing onto her arms. "NO! PLEASE! NO!" She cried out. Jude pulled away, only to be grabbed up and thrown to the floor. She let out a cry, not able to catch her breath as he dragged her over near Kristin. Forcing her fighting arms away from him, he held her wrists pinning her to the floor. "LEAVE ME ALONE!!! STOP PLEASE!!" She tried, unsuccessfully. "SHUT UP NOW YOU LITTLE WHORE. I'M GOING TO MAKE SURE NEITHER ONE OF YOU EVER UTTER A WORD ABOUT THIS!!" She felt his fist connect with her jaw, tasting blood. "Please, please, I wont say anything please don't hurt me. Please." Jude cried out.

Dennis held Jude down with more force this time, making sure she was unable to move, as Kristin screamed at him. "DAD STOP," She screamed, struggling against the ties that held her down. "DAD STOP, SHE DOESN'T DESERVE THIS!! STOP!!," She yelled as loud as her sore lungs would allow.

Kristin watched as her father left his spot from over Jude, coming towards her quickly. She was hit by a fist, connecting directly with the side of her head. "SHUT UP NOW YOU LITTLE BITCH. I'LL KILL YOU BOTH, IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?" Kristin didn't answer. "ANSWER ME NOW YOU DIRTY LITTLE WHORE!" "No, no I don't please." Kristin moaned against the throbbing pain in her head, and side.

Dennis made his way back over to Jude. Slapping her forcefully before pinning her down, pulling at her cloths. "No, No," Jude shook her head. "No."

"I SAID SHUT UP!" He covered her mouth with his hand as his other, worked to pull her shirt up. Jude tried to push him away, but his weight and strength were too much, for her small frame. She found herself being brought back into several flashbacks, Causing her body to sob. She tried to keep quiet. She couldn't help but cry out in pain, every time one of his hands connected with a body part.

Kristin looking dazed began crying. She'd promised Jude she wouldn't let him hurt her again. Now she was powerless against this beast of a man. She had no control. She couldn't help her. She choked on sobs, being made to watch the entire scene unfold in front of her.

Jude could feel the pressure bruising her wrists as he held them away with a strong hand, his body straddling her so her legs were immobile. He began forcing her pants slowly down her hips. Jude could barely hear the music blasting that he'd turned on so their screams would sound like a party to the neighbours. She felt like a shaking child, frozen in time. She screamed in pain, as his hands hit her. "I said stop crying you big baby, you know you want this." She bit her lip hard to try and keep from crying out.

Kristin, almost feeling Jude's pain, began struggling against the rope again. She turned her head, seeing a light, looking too much like headlights from a car flash by the basement window. She felt some hope at that, moving more vigorously, her chair toppling onto its side, as she tried to pull free. She heard footsteps upstairs.

Both girls began to scream. "HELP, HELP US PLEASE HELP," As they heard someone entering the house above them. Jude's mouth was covered again, as he worked to undo his own pants. Holding her against the hard floor.

Jude heard someone burst through the basement door, she turned her head. His hand coming loose from her mouth. "HELP ME!!" Dennis stood up, kicking her in the side. "SHUT UP!" He hadn't realised someone had entered the room as he made his way on top of her again.

Suddenly Jude felt him being forcefully pulled from her, and shoved to the side. She watched as Tommy laid a strong punch to his jaw knocking him backwards. Moving forward, he punched him again, causing blood to pour from his nose. He moved to untie Kristin. Handing her his phone. "Call 911!" He demanded. Then moved to hit Dennis again. This time causing him to blackout.

Once Tommy was Satisfied. He moved to Jude, pulling her sobbing body up into his arms. "Shhh, Girl, I'm here. I'm so sorry baby. It's okay, I'm here." He rocked back and fourth, on his knees, trying to soothe her. He had a feeling and he should have never left them alone with this man. Why did he not trust his gut instinct?

He helped Jude with her cloths before the police would arrive. He grabbed his cell from Kristin's outstretched, trembling hand, and dialled, Sadie's cell. "Sadie there is Emergency at your house; you guys need to get here ASAP." He flipped the phone shut with that, Gathering Jude into his arms, he helped both girls climb the stairs away from the man who'd hurt them.

When the police showed up, Tommy explained the situation pointing to the two bruised, crying, and shaking girls next to him. He directed them down the stairs where, Dennis was now trying to pull his body back into motion, only to have cuffs thrown on his wrists, and pulled forcefully up the stairs and out of the house.

Sadie's car pulled up out front, squealing to a stop. They got out, watching as the police, whisked Dennis into the back of a patrol car. Not sure what had happened. The three rushed into the house, only to be shocked by the site in front of her. A paramedic, talking to the girls trying to convince them, that they should go to the hospital to be checked out. They both agreed, feeling so much pain, they didn't care anymore.

An ambulance pulled closer to the house, as they let Tommy carry Jude to the stretcher outside. He was not leaving her side. Not right now.

"Sadie, Please call Stephen?" Kristin asked before she was also shut into an ambulance, accompanied by her Uncle Stuart. Stuart knew that Jude needed Tommy most right at this point.

Sadie let her own tears fall as the police had told her what went on…When the ambulance took, Jude and Kristin away. She jumped in the car with Kwest, Following them to the hospital. She'd called Stephen for Kristin, on the way…and met them there.

Sadie couldn't believe her own flesh and blood could do something so horrible. She whipped at her wet face, as she waited for word on the girls. 'No wonder they were acting so strange with him around, something must have happened before.' Sadie thought to herself. Just as she was called, saying that she could see them both, being they had been placed in the same room….

They were going to be okay physically, but the emotional part, Sadie was unsure. She would do anything in her power to help them. If she could take away all the pain she would. She watched as Tommy held Jude's hand sitting next to her bed…Talking to her quietly…Tommy had a feeling, she knew it…

"I love you girl," Tommy rubbed Jude's hair away from her face. "I promise you, that I will never let anyone hurt you again." Tommy felt tears gather in his own eyes, as he watched her. She was in a lot of pain. The doctors had given them both injections for the pain, and IV's for fluids. They were to stay to be monitored.

Tommy looked over, seeing Sadie sitting with Kristin, while she talked on Sadie's phone with Stephan. He was soon to be on his way. Sadie hugged her cousin. "I'm so sorry Kris…I had no idea, I'm sorry. I love you."

"I love you too Sadie," Her shaky voice mouthed.

Jude pulled Tommy to her, needing to feel him close. She asked him quietly. Without a word, He lifted the blanket and crawled into the bed next to her, pulling her gently to him, protectively. He held her until he watched her eyes flutter closed, in a medication induced sleep. Probably emotionally, and physically, drained also. He didn't want to leave her side so he remained next to her closing her eyes.

He noticed Sadie had dimmed the lights in the room, as Kristin had also fallen asleep.


	11. Chapter 11: Tears For You

Chapter 11: Tears For You.

"No! Please help me!" Jude's arms flew up, her feet kicking the blankets away, at the unseen assailant that violated her dream scape for the past several weeks. Tommy cracked his eyes open pulling her into his arms against him. "Shhhh, Its okay, you're safe…Shhhh, it's just a dream." He kissed her moist forehead. Tears forming in his Smokey blue eyes. It killed him inside to see her go through this, to know how much fear, and pain she had felt. He wanted to rip someone apart at times. He knew he needed to be strong for her. He needed to help her overcome this. Although it would take time…He knew that together they could conquer their horrid pasts, and be able to live forward with their lives.

"Tommy?" came her sleepy voice. "Yes Jude, It's me, you're safe." "Gosh," She let out a breath. "Why do I still keep having these dreams?" She asked out loud.

"Jude listen, I know that I haven't gone through the exact same thing, but you have to believe that these things will go away. It is out subconscious way of our body trying to let the built up feelings out. The dreams may take some time. I promise you though, Girl they will get better, I promise" Tommy let his tears fall finally, kissing her.

Using her thumb, Jude wiped at the silvery liquid. "I love you Tommy," She enveloped him. Pulling him even closer. She could feel her heart beat begin to go back to normal, as her breathing slowed back down. "I'm sorry Tommy," She apologized, but she wasn't sure exactly why. "For what girl? There is nothing for you to be sorry for. I'm with you through thick and thin girl. Nothing will scare me away from you now. I was scared before. I realized though, what I had been missing. You can't get rid of me…"

Jude smiled, softly kissing his lips. Tender lips, Kissable. She needed to remember those types of things in life, the type of things people just take for granted. She felt like she could see things from an entirely different perspective now. Like everyday was precious, and she couldn't waste a single second. Not a moment in time.

Kristin laid in her bed sleeping still, and crying in her sleep. She had a nightmare that her father had broken out of jail. "No, no, no, no, no." She exclaimed in her sleep. She started shaking. "Stephen?" she exclaimed "Where are you?" In her dream she dreamt that Stephen was with her, but then it switched to her being alone. She finally awoke in a cold sweat shaking. "No." she started crying to herself.

She wished Stephan were really here. Just as the thought crossed her mind, her phone rang. "Who could that be?" She thought…As she grabbed it from its charger with a shaky hand. She wondered who'd be calling her this late. Until she looked at the screen of her phone, and immediately felt a bit of relief wash over her. It was Stephen. "H-hello?" She answered. "Kris babe, it's Stephen. My plane just landed, and for some reason they messed up my rental car. I wanted to surprise you, but I'm kind of stuck here at the airport now. You think you can come get me?" He asked.

"Yeah, umm, sure." She replied, jumping from the bed, she threw some cloths on and ran down the stairs, out the front door. She walked towards her car. "I'll be there soon." She got into her car and drove towards the airport. She then arrived to the airport parking her car and locking it. She walked into the airport and saw Stephen. "Hey." she smiled walking over to him.

She couldn't pull the smile from her face. She'd missed him so much, and everything she had been through lately she needed him more than even now…

Jude noticed Kristin leaving, and smiled to herself. 'Must be Stephen' She thought, She knew he was coming, but definitely didn't want to destroy the surprise for her. Jude yawned, looking at Tommy once more, whose eyes had closed lightly. She snuggled into him, closing her own eyes; once again, hoping the dreams that had been plaguing her lately would just give her a reprieve, just for now. She needed to function. She needed to make music. Her dream, she couldn't let what happened stop her from living.

Once out of the airport, Kristin looked at Stephen. "So what's up Buddy?" he asked looking at Kristin. "Nothing much, just been kind of crazy the last few weeks." She knew she had to tell him what happened but couldn't bring herself to do so right then. "You ready?" she asked looking at him. "Yes Kristin. You want to drive or should I?" She asked. "I'll drive just tell me where to do go." He said softly looking at Kristin wrapping his arms around her and kissing her forehead, she then smiled….

The next thing Jude knew she'd awoke to the sunlight streaming into her room. She squinted and looked over at her alarm clock. "SHIT! Tommy! We're Late Get UP!" Jude exclaimed jumping from her comfortable spot. She pulled some clean cloths on quickly, running a brush through her slightly tangled hair. She watched as Tommy rushed around the room also, neither caring that they were dressing in front of one another. Darius was sure to rip into them now. "Two hours late!" Jude said, grabbing her boots, she slid them on her feet and ran down the stairs, followed by Tommy. She grabbed a bunny hug, and out the door they went, speeding off to hurry into work.

After a good 20 minutes, and running a few traffic lights, the two riskfully ran into G-Major, slinking into studio A. They thought they'd be okay, until they saw Darius. Someone was with him. A young woman maybe in her twenties, early twenties.

"Jude, Tommy" Darius nodded at them. "I would like you to meet, Alyssa, Our newest artist." Jude and Tommy took turns shaking her hand. There was something about her, a warm smile on her face, and gentle hands, as she looked at Jude. "It's such a pleasure to meet you," She told Jude.

Jude smiled. 'I think I like this girl already' she thought. "The pleasure is all mine," Jude responded.

"Well sorry to cut this short Alyssa, but Jude and Tommy need to get into the studio," Darius gave them both a glare before walking off, to introduce Alyssa to everyone. Alyssa smiled at her, waving before following his wake.

Tommy and Jude had spent the majority of the morning tearing apart chords, and melody for the song she had written weeks ago, during her almost meltdown phase. Jude sighed pulling her guitar strap over her head and setting it to the floor. "It's passed noon Tommy. I'm hungry. Think we can go get something to eat. We did skip breakfast this morning." "Sure Just let me save this." Tommy pressed a few buttons before standing up. He ran his hands over his shirt and pants before joining her at the door.

Jude, and Tommy, ran quickly to the car through the rain, which they were unaware of before exiting the building. "Hurry," Tommy she jumped up and down, as he fumbled with his keys. Finally he managed to get the door unlocked, and they both jumped inside. Jude rubbed her hands together as he started the ignition, and drove off.

"So what do you think of Alyssa?" Tommy asked Jude, trying to make casual conversation. "She seems really nice; I just hope she doesn't get tangled in with Karma. Jamie said he had a new recruit coming in, just never said when…" Jude said. "Hmmm, yeah She seems nice your right, lets keep her away form bitch whisperer." Tommy laughed, Jude looked at him for a second, then caught on laughing herself….

The two drove around for a bit, before settling on Italian food, take out. They knew they needed to be back in the studio, or Darius would have more a reason to chew them out later…..

Kristin drove Stephen to G-major, the record company where her cousin worked. She wanted to introduce Stephen to her Jude and her boyfriend/producer Tommy. She pulled into the parking area and parked her car. She shutting it off, they climbed out as she locked the doors.

"Yeah, so this is G-major." She walked with him and he placed his hands on her hips but she jumped. "No, don't do that!" she exclaimed. She didn't mean to be mean but she wasn't exactly ready for him to do that. The accident was still fresh in her head. She walked with him into G-major. "Yeah this is my cousin Sadie." "Hi Sadie" Stephen said as she shook the blonde's hand. "This is Kwest." She said smiling. "Yo, what's up man?" Kwest said shaking Stephen's hand. "Yeah, so let me give you a tour of G-major."…He smiled at her, letting her lead him around. This place was amazing to him…

When Tommy finally parked the viper back into the parking lot, at G-major, Jude jumped from the car, pulling her bunny hug up over her head, and running ahead of him. She hadn't even noticed Kristin's car there, as she left Tommy chuckling at her carrying their lunch in behind her, at a slow jog.

Once finally back inside, she whipped the cold rain from her hands, and hung her Bunny Hug on a hook to dry. She eyed the food in Tommy's hand; until she saw Kristin and Stephen emerge before her eyes. She's never actually seen Stephen, although, she'd talked to him on the phone…She walked over to introduce herself, but before she could Kristin spoke.

"Stephan this is my cousin and my best friend Jude, whom you've talked to on the phone, this is her boyfriend and producer Tommy," Kristin introduced them. "Stephen is getting a place here in Toronto!" Kristin almost jumped for joy at her excitement.

Jude smiled, it was great to see her happy, she needed it. She pulled Kristin into a hug gently. "I love you Kris, and I'm happy for you, I'm glad he's finally here with you," She whispered into her ear, before she let her go.

"Thanks." she whispered. She looked at Jude then to Stephen as she grabbed his hand. She still was wondering on how to Stephen about what had happened. Sure he knew about it before but it was so much longer since she'd talked to him. He was out doing his own thing and so was she. He had been dating Hayden and she'd been dating Nick and Brody but at the same time she was so happy he was with her finally again.

Jude turned, only to be approached by Alyssa. "Jude, I'm sorry to bother you. Would you mind if I had a word with you, in private." She smiled shyly. "Sure," Jude replied. "I'll be right back guys…Jude waved off as she followed Alyssa into Studio B where she had been working on her own most of the day. New or not Darius had already began working her hard. "So what's up," Jude said smiling, as she placed her hands inside her pockets…..

Stephen looked at Tommy then to Kristin who was watching her cousin walk off. "So Kris, this is pretty cool." "Huh? What? Yeah, I know Stephen." Kristin wrapped her arms around Stephen trying to act normal as possible and smiled at him.

Jude looked as Alyssa turned away feeling nervous. "Hey it's okay?" Jude tried to console, "Is something wrong?" She asked. "No actually, Ummm. I was wondering. I mean. I would be honoured if, well I was wondering if you would do a duet with me for my first single…." Alyssa stammered. "I would be more than honoured if you would."

Jude smiled brightly. "Well if you say it like that, than definitely. I have some recording to finish up, but I promise I will. Let me know when you need me," Jude said, creating a huge smile across Alyssa's face.

"Thank you so much Jude, Thank you. I feel so…Thank you!" She almost jumped in glee. "My pleasure," Jude told her, hugging her before walking away, to get back to what she was doing before now.

Jude watched as Karma bypassed her, giving her an evil grin…. "What does she have up her sleeve?" Jude asked herself, walking over to get a hold of her producer so she could finish up for today, and maybe eat some of that food she's been starving for. Which most likely, was cold by now, oh well?

Kristin stood there looking at Stephen then heard footsteps "Jude?" she asked looking towards the direction where she heard footsteps. She looked at Tommy then to Stephen then heard karma and Darius talking less then 30 feet away behind them.

Kristin nodded her head in the direction of Karma and Darius, as Jude finally joined them. "What?" Jude asked. "Listen," she whispered

Kristin, and Jude stood there listening to the conversation karma and Darius were having. "What did she just say?" Kristin asked quietly. "I don't know..." Jude whispered. I can't hear it very well. But I feel like a sneak. Did she just say something about me?"

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Kristin replied looking at Jude. Tommy and Stephen just looked at each other with a blank expression. "Yeah umn I think she said something like you lip synced at your concert just recently...'' Kristin said.

"Are you kidding me!? What is she trying to do, get me in deep shit, I so did not!" Jude said a little too loudly. "She is such a…" Jude shut up before she made a scene and decided walking away would be a better idea. She turned on her heels and angrily walked back to Studio A where she was previously working.

Kristin followed Jude to the studio looking at Stephen and Tommy. "Jude..." she said in concerned tone. "Jude let it out. Karma is a bitch. She'll do anything to see you fail but don't let her get to you."

"Kris, you think Darius will fall for her shit? I mean I haven't exactly been acting like myself lately…Maybe she is trying to take advantage of that fact. Darius could very well believe her. I swear Kris if something happens because of her I will strangle her! Justifiable homicide, I've seen it on Law and order! Jude yelled wanting to hit something.

"You know I doubt it. But I know how karma likes to crawl under your skin and irritate you. "She replied "Karma is a harmless piece of grass or whatever. Nothing will happen. Tommy and Sadie and I can talk to Darius or something."

"No don't worry about it Kris. It's ok…I have to get out of here. Let Alyssa know she can stop over the house later if she wants," Jude said grabbing her bag, and rushing out of the studio. She couldn't handle this right now. Not with everything else that was going on. She needed somewhere where, she could think. Somewhere she felt inspired to work on her song. Somewhere, away from that conniving little bitch.

"Okay I will." She nodded as she watched Jude leave. She walked out of the studio towards Alyssa. "Hey, Jude said you could stop by the house when you're finished up here if you want; she has a mini studio downstairs." she looked at Alyssa smiling a little bit. "Okay" she replied. Kristin then went to go find Karma. "Hey Karma, can I talk to you outside for a moment?" Kristin asked smiling as karma said "sure, but make it fast Tommy and I have an album to record." she pushed her black her in Kristin's face just about as she turned around.

Karma tapped her foot impatiently. "What do you want Kristin? I don't have all the time in the world you know." Kristin glared at her. "Forget it you fucking snobby impatient little bitch. I had something nice to say, but forget it now." Kristin walked away feeling angry. She hoped that Alyssa would find out quickly how Karma was, or there would be trouble…. Kristin turned looking for Stephen. "Stephen? Where are you?" she asked looking around. She hoped he was maybe with Tommy.

Jude drove away form G-Major trying to calm her nerves. She decided that she wouldn't go home right away. She needed to feel some peace, and maybe some inspiration. She turned her car, and made her way to the beach. She knew a little spot where she could be alone.

She pulled up, stopping her car not to far away, pulling her guitar out with her she headed to the beach. She sat down, taking her shoes off, feeling the sand on her feet, had always made her feel kind of free inside. She looked out over the small waves, as a breeze filtered through her blonde hair. This was definitely the right place. Beautiful…she thought.

Kristin walked into the studio where saw Tommy and Stephen talking. "Oh no, I hope Tommy didn't say anything." She thought worried. Stephen looked at her concerned. "Kris?" "Yeah Tommy?" "Where's Jude?" "I don't know." She replied looking at Stephen and Tommy. "She said she needed to get out of here…" Kristin told him…

She looked at Tommy. "Yeah umn Stephen can I have a few minutes with Tommy please?" "Yeah sure Kris." She smiled walking the rest of the way into the studio. "What's up Kristin?" Tommy asked. "Umn did you tell Stephen about what happened?" she asked looking into his eyes.

Tommy looked at her. "Kris you know I would never do something like that. That is up to you to tell him when you are ready, and not up to anyone else Hun. I would never. Actually we were basically talking about men things you know…." Tommy knew her reason for concern, but he would never do something like that. Not to anyone.

Tommy turned turning on the soundboard, and began listening through Jude's song she'd recorded earlier. He knew it needed work. Although it was hard without her, he tried to analyse it, maybe come up with a few ideas for her.

"Oh, I didn't mean to offend you. I was just asking because he had that concerned look on his face." she replied. "I know I just wasn't thinking, every time I see his concerned look it just makes me scared because I'm not so sure that I'm ready to tell him just yet. "

Tommy turned his attention back to Kristin, while the song played behind them. "I understand completely Kristin. It's not something easy to just come out and say. You wait until you feel you are completely ready. If you need to talk you know I'm here, along as for Jude. You're like a little sister. Trust me, it will be ok. And when you are ready, I'm sure he will understand Hun. If he loves you he will." Tommy finished.

"Yeah, thanks Tommy. I really appreciate it." she nodded walking over to hug him. Little did they know Karma was outside watching them. Tommy kissed the top of her head and she smiled. "Thanks again." Karma watched this and was already scheming on how to break Jude and Kristin up in a sense. Karma moved swiftly away before Kristin walked out… 'Just wait Jude, I always win' she mouthed before walking away quietly.

Jude closed her eyes inhaling the sweet sent of the breeze around her. She felt a sense of calm as she began strumming at her guitar finding chords in her that just wouldn't come out earlier that day. She loved being able to do this. To have the sense of Serenity about her, that things just began to flow with her, and out through her fingertips, and vocals. For a moment she let herself forget about everything that troubled her, and let herself get immersed by the natural sounding music, filling her ears….She felt, more free than she had felt in a very long time.

Tommy tried calling Jude several time throughout the remainder of the day. There was no answer. He began to get worried. When the time had come to leave the studio, He all but ran out the door, Kristin in his wake. They drove to the Harrison home, only to find that Jude wasn't and hadn't been home either.

Hmm" she said looking at Tommy and Stephen. "Should we check the practice space?" Kristin asked looking at Tommy. Tommy nodded, and they flew back into the car as quickly as possible, driving away.

Once there, they filed into the practice space, all of them looking around and calling out for Jude. After about 20 minutes of looking they decided she wasn't there either.

"Hmmm where else could she be?" Kristin asked hoping Tommy would know. "Any special or secret spots?" Tommy tried to think. The only ones that had were places they have already looked. The back of the practice space and all…Maybe she had a few spots of her own, no one knew about.

She looked at him. "God I hope she's okay." she replied looking at Tommy. "Me too. Me too." Tommy said quietly.

Jude looked up as the sun began to settle further down into the sky. She hadn't known how long she'd actually been there. She just felt so much at peace she wasn't up to leaving. She slipped her shoes back on her feet, grabbing up her guitar she headed back to her car. Tommy would probably be worried by now. She started her car looking at the time. "Oh My Goodness! Tommy is going to kill me she thought as she drove away. She tried to hurry back to her house, being caught up every now and then, in the day end traffic. When she finally pulled up in front of her house there wasn't a car in sight. "That's weird" she thought, as she climbed out of her car and made her way inside.

Sadie was most likely with Kwest. "Tommy, Kris?" She called, but no one answered. She shrugged and made her way up the stairs, to take a shower.

Outside The practice place, Kristin saw karma walking up to them after she parked her car. She saw karma talking to them "If you're looking for Jude, try the bar. I saw her drinking it up with some hot stud. 6'5 blue eyes brown hair. I must say she looked rather flirty with him." She said with a smirk on her face. "Yeah right." Tommy said looking at karma. "I know her better then that." "Well if you don't believe me suit yourself." Karma said as she walked away…

'What is she wasn't lieing?' Tommy thought to himself. "What would Jude be doing at the bar, they couldn't find her anywhere, maybe she wasn't lieing…

Jude walked down the stairs scrubbing her damp hair with a towel, just as the front door opened, Tommy, Kristin, and Stephen filing in. She stopped, from the looks on their face something was wrong. She hoped they weren't upset with her for needing the time she took alone….

Kristin pushed Stephen and Tommy out of her way and rushed up to her cousin and wrapped her arms around her. "Jude..." she said as she kept her arms around her cousin. "Are you okay?" She asked concerned pulling her arms away from her cousin. "Where did you go?" She looked back at Tommy and Stephen who were looking at the two girls.

"Kris I'm fine yes. Umm, I'm sorry. I just needed to be alone for a while." She replied, hugging Kristin back, while looking at Tommy. There was a look in his eyes she didn't recognize. She pulled away from Kristin gently and moved towards Tommy.

"What's wrong Tommy?" She whispered, once directly in front of him.

"Jude…Where were you?" His voice sounded distant. "Tommy I just said I just needed to be alone. I went somewhere where I could be alone, what is the big deal?" Jude looked away. What was he thinking? She began to feel angry, not sure why, maybe it was the tension in the room that could be sliced with a flipping knife…

"What? So now I can't be alone somewhere when I feel the flipping need?!" She fumed. "I came home, no one was here, so I got in the damn shower, I don't see what the fucking big deal is…" She trailed off.

"Yes, Jude you can but -uh -" He started to get very frustrated then looked at her before walking away into the other room in silence ."What if something happened to her?" he thought and started to beat him self up for not being with her. He understood needing time to be alone but after everything that had happened he worried about her. 'She wouldn't say where she had been either. What if she was at the bar where Karma had said she'd seen her hitting it up with some guy, and drinking? Why would she shower the moment she got home? To get the smell of alcohol off her breath, she did smell mint. Was she drunk? If that why she is so angry now? Tommy began to feel his own anger rise, as Jude followed him. She wasn't letting this go.

"But what Quincy? Now I need a babysitter? What do you think I was fucking doing? What now you can't trust me! Dammit Tommy I don't need this right now." Jude walked angrily from the room, she pulled her runners on her feet, grabbing her Bunny hug, purse and keys, she rushed out the front door once again. She couldn't do this. She couldn't deal with anger right now. All she had wanted to do was clear her damn head, and now all the sudden she was being treated like a damn child.

Jude jumped into the driver's seat of her car; she wasn't exactly sure what had made her so angry. She hated fighting with Tommy. Maybe it was just everything combined; maybe they needed a night apart. She wasn't sure, same as she wasn't sure why she had seen such anger in his eyes. What had she done to make him feel that way? She turned the key, letting a tear slide down her face, and drove off. Not thinking.

Tommy looked at Kristin who looked shocked. "Do you think Karma is right? She did act awful angry. Maybe she has been drinking…"

"Tommy if she has been drinking we just let her take off in her damn car!" Kristin exclaimed, jumping to find her keys. Men are so stupid sometimes she thought to herself as she rushed out the door. She needed to find Jude.

Kristin left Tommy and Stephen to their own devices as she drove off to find her cousin. Kristin continued to drive around looking for her cousin and grabbed her cell phone dialling the number. "Jude, pick up...come on pick up, pick up, pick up." She said listening to the phone ringing. "Please answer Jude." she said to herself anxiously awaiting her cousin to pick up her cell phone. Meanwhile the boys sat back at the house trying to figure out where Jude had went. Tommy sat there fiddling with something because he was so mad at himself. He caused the argument that caused Jude to storm out of there so angrily. "You're so dumb Quincy." He thought to himself. "This is your fault if anything happens to her."

Jude looked at her phone, hearing it ring, she kept an eye on the road in front of her, seeing that it was Kristin, she pressed speakerphone. "Hello?" She answered. "Jude...where are you?" she asked concerned. Kristin spotted Jude's car soon after driving for a while. "Jude...you're drunk...pull over please." She exclaimed but tried to calm herself down because she was worried that Jude was going to crash into another car. "Pull over Jude. Please do it. We don't have to go home but let me drive you."

"What!" Jude exclaimed loud and clearly. "Kristin do I sound fucking drunk to you? Where to hell did you get that idea?!" I am not flipping drunk!" Jude said into the phone. She pulled her car over. "Fine, I'm pulling over, you can make me walk the damn line, or if you want, you can take me to the police department and we can ask for a breathalyser, only to be laughed at," Jude was angry. Why would Kristin even think she would do such a thing? What did everyone have it out for her today?"

Jude shut her car off and got out. She paced the ground beside it, waiting for Kristin to pull up.

Kristin followed suit and pulled her car over behind Jude's. She turned it off after setting it in park. She got out of her car and looked at her cousin. "Jude, relax. I'm only saying something because I'm worried about you. " She continued looking at Jude waiting for her reply. "Well...Karma said something about you going to the bar and getting snockered, while flirting it up, with some guy." She replied in a concerned tone trying not to piss off Jude anymore than she already was.

"What?!! Kristin why would you even begin to believe a word that comes from Karma's mouth?! I was at the beach, You remember the little nook we used to go to as kids to be alone…I went there. I finished my song, that's all I flipping did. I can't believe you guys would even listen to her!" Jude Looked at Kristin, this was the first time she felt anger towards her since they fought over toys as kids…Jude looked down. She did kind of just disappear…

"Yeah Jude... I do but with all that's been going on I don't know you seem distant from everyone. " she looked at Jude placing her hands on her hips for a moment the biting one of her nails. "I'm sorry Jude; I should've never believed her." Kristin felt like an idiot. She looked at Jude hoping her cousin would forgive her. She was so fed up with karma she wanted to beat the crap out of her. She swore if karma ever did anything more she'd kill her but didn't say that to Jude.

"I'm not trying to be distant. I got upset today. I just needed some time to myself was all. I mean honestly do I look drunken Kris? Jude said, standing directly in front of her. Lowering her voice, "Look we can't stand here arguing, the last thing I need is the media…" Jude trailed off.

"Yeah, I agree we can't and I don't want to fight. I hate it when we fight Jude. And no you don't look drunk." She replied sighing again she felt like a complete idiot. "Want to go back to the beach? And maybe talk." She asked looking at Jude.

Jude nodded. "Yeah, but first I'm starving, going to stop and grab something to eat, you hungry?" Jude calmed herself. She couldn't blame Kristin for being worried, and Karma was a scheming little bitch…

"Yeah, I am actually." She smiled looking at her cousin. "Where can we go to eat?" she asked looking at Jude as she grabbed her keys from her pants pocket. "Taco Bell?" Jude said looking at Kristin, then burst out laughing… "Wow what a day. Why don't you park you car at the Practice Space" Jude said pointing. They were right across from it. "We can go in my car, and come back and get yours later."

"Okay." Kristin walked back to her car and got inside of it and put the keys in and started it driving into the parking lot, putting it in park, then turning it off then walked towards Jude again pressing the lock button so her car couldn't be touched. She crossed the street and walked to the passenger side waiting for Jude to unlock it. Jude climbed in, unlocking the passenger door for Kristin. Kristin got in, they both buckled up as Jude drove off.

They drove up through the drive through of Taco Bell, and ordered their food. Then took off back to the beach. Jude parked her car in the same spot it had been earlier that day. They climbed out bringing their food with them, and walked to their special little nook, they have kept for a secret since children.

Jude sat down, looking out at the sunset. "It's beautiful." Jude said. "Do you ever miss those days Kris? The days when we felt like we could rule the world sometimes? At least between home and here…" She trailed off.

"Yeah Jude, I do miss those days. When life was simple when it wasn't hard and things weren't so complicated." She looked at her. "But you know if life were simple then it'd be boring. Right?" "True," Jude responded softly, throwing a small rock into the water in front of them, she turned to the bag of food they'd set between them and opened it. She handed some to Kristin before opening her own, and beginning to eat. She watched the sun before her. It looked as if it was actually touching the water. She'd always felt peace here, a sense of oneness with herself and nature…

Kristin took hers and ate some of her cinnamon twists. "I love these things almost as much as the Cinnimelt and monkey bread." she giggled a little bit. "Remember the first time you had those things?" She laughed because had gotten her cousin addicted to at least a Cinnimelt.

Jude giggled, "Yeah I do. I love those things…" "Kris I guess sometimes I feel just so caught up in things, that I feel like my feet refused to even touch solid ground. Everything turned into such a mess. I always thought it would be easy as It was when we were little. I guess not everything is what it seems…."

"Yeah, I know what you mean, everything including love. I remember watching movies and thinking love was just like it was in the films. It's so hard sometimes. "She said softly looking at Jude and smiling. "I think when mom made that monkey bread you totally ate most of it because that's how much you loved it." She giggled herself. Jude laughed. "Yeah, I had such a stomach ache after. I'll never do that again."

"So Kris, I take It Tommy thinks that I'm drunk also? Is that why he was so angry?" She asked pulling her eyes away from the beauty in front of her to look at her cousin….

"Yeah, I believe so." She replied looking at Jude. "Yeah well I miss my mom and my brother." She said looking at the street as she ate her food. "Yeah that was pretty random sorry."

"No worries, Random is good sometimes…This is just great, this should be fun," Jude said sarcastically, standing up. She dusted her cloths off. "I miss my mom too. I guess we just can't choose someone else's destiny in life, no matter how much we want to." Jude said walking towards the edge of the water. "Maybe we should head back Kris, so I can at least try to explain to him. I really can't be fighting with him, it hurts too much…"

Jude and Kristin pulled up in front of their house, finding that Tommy's vehicle was still there, Jude rushed from her car. She needed to talk to him, and now before anymore thoughts had chance to cross his mind. She opened the front door hastily, revealing Tommy who was just getting ready to leave. Blocking the doorway, she let herself catch her breath.

"Tommy…." She breathed. "I'm sorry. I just needed to be alone. I didn't mean to worry you, and I'm sorry. I promise you I am not drunk, just ask Kristin, honestly. Please don't listen to her. She is trying to ruin me I swear."

"Jude, Jude calm down. I'm sorry girl. I don't know why I even gave it a thought. You were just acting weird. I didn't think girl. I'm sorry. I know you have been through a lot lately. I just wasn't thinking." Tommy pulled Jude into his arms kissing the top of her head.

Jude let a few stray tears fall down her cheeks, as she held tightly to him. "I hate fighting with you Tommy. I love you too much….I'm sorry" Jude said, sniffing some.

"Shhh girl it's okay, I promise. I jumped to conclusions you have no reason to be sorry," Tommy said pushing her away enough to capture her lips in a soft kiss, before leading the rest of the way into the house.

"I have something to show you…" Jude said softly before pulling out her Guitar and sitting next to Kristin on the chesterfield. She looked at Tommy silently waiting until he sat in front of her.

"It's called Rescue Me," She told them, before she began to strum her guitar, introducing the song.

What do you do when you're scared inside?

When all of your feelings just seem to collide

Emotions just seem to let go

All of your tears always follow

All of these things that you're feeling deep down

And you realize that you're calling out loud

[Chorus

I love you,

I need you to,

Rescue me

Shine your light lead me home

Baby all I need is your love

I love you,

Please,

Rescue me

Shine your light lead me home

baby all I need is your love

Rescue me, rescue me

What do you do when the path leads nowhere?

When you need someone to be there

Now you're afraid of what's going to come

and now there's nowhere to run.

All of these things that you're feeling deep down

Then you realize that you're calling out loud

[Chorus

I love you,

I need you to,

Rescue me

Shine your light lead me home

Baby all I need is your love

I love you,

Please,

Rescue me

Shine your light lead me home

baby all I need is your love

Rescue me, rescue me

[Bridge

Oh it's love's sweet sacrifice

With you I'm Blessed beyond belief

We can get through anything as long as it's you and me

[Repeat Chorus

I love you,

I need you to,

Rescue me

Shine your light lead me home

Baby all I need is your love

I love you,

Please,

Rescue me

Shine your light lead me home

baby all I need is your love

Rescue me, rescue me

Jude finished strumming the sweet melody that matched the beauty of her voice, and raw emotion….She set her Guitar down waiting approval, as Tommy made his way to her, to show her instead of saying the words, he pulled her into his arms.

"Girl, as long as I live, I promise to love you, I promise I'll never let you go." He held her taking in a sweet, familiar sent, that he'd hadn't the chance to come to his senses in a while. She smelled like the ocean….Like the sunset breeze….He closed his eyes reveling in the feeling, as Jude silently gave her response.

Jude let herself smile, for almost the first time today, as she felt his arms wrap around her. She needed this. She held onto him, until their silent love stream was interrupted rudely.

Sadie stormed into the room. "Ummm, I don't know what's going on but what I was just seeing is not good, not at all….I think some people have some explaining to do!" Sadies eyes where hot as she set the laptop in front of them for all to see, what she'd come across….


	12. Chapter 12: Assumption

Chapter 12: Assumption

Jude glanced at the laptop before anyone else got a chance to see, she jumped up, shutting it closed. She grabbed it up and pulled Sadie into the kitchen. "What was that!?" she asked. Setting the laptop on the table, before opening it again.

She scanned the page reading, As Sadie stood beside her.  
-Seems to us little Tommy Q might have another fling in his grasp. Below are pictures of Quincy, and Kristin Cavallari, Seeming to be hiding behind studio doors as they show each other their affection for the other.  
Jude looked at Sadie her mouth hanging open in disbelief. Her lungs burned fiercely as she tried to take in a breath she had been holding. This can't be true.

Jude shook her head, refusing to let the tears that filled her eyes begin to fall. "Sadie….this…This can't be true. Why would they??" She felt like she was questioning herself more….

Sadie looked at Jude. "I'm sure it's nothing...it's got to be. Why would he do that to you?" she asked looking at Jude. "Did you guys get into a fight or something? ...I also doubt Kristin would do that to you. "She said looking at her."Yeah, so let me take a look at the site." she said looking at Jude.

Jude pushed the lap top over so Sadie could get a better view at what she'd originally shown her. This has got to be wrong; she kept telling herself like mantra inside her head. For some reason she couldn't bring herself to believe it. Pictures speak for themselves right? She wanted to throw something. Smash something, scream, anything but feel the burning in her heart at this moment.

Feeling fed up, Jude made a dash for the stairs, and ran down them into her basement studio. She threw herself down on the chair, and set her head in her hands, not able to think coherently at the moment, she needed to separate herself from others, or she would most definitely have a meltdown.

Sadie looked at the laptop and her mouth opened wide. She stood there and watched her sister run down the stairs concerned but she knew she needed to let Jude have sometime by herself. Kristin sat in the other room when she heard Jude storm off into the stairwell to go downstairs. She got up after telling Tommy she would be right back. She ran down the stairs after Jude and walked over to her. "Jude, what's wrong?" she asked concerned. "Please talk to me."

"You...You. Kristin I can't talk to you right now, just leave me alone!" Jude didn't even glance at her. She couldn't. "I need to be alone!" Jude's voice rose unintentionally. She wanted with all her heart to believe this wasn't true. She even tried over and over, to tell herself that it wasn't. She couldn't get the photo out of her subconscious.

Jude turned grabbing up her guitar, and began to strum the strings angrily. She hadn't bothered to give Kristin a second glance.

Kristin stood there for a few minutes in an awkward silence unaware of what actually was going down. She looked at her. "Fine, ill be upstairs." she said softly. She could tell Jude was upset especially since she didn't even want to talk to her. She figured she'd leave her alone for the time being. She went back upstairs to talk with Tommy again. "I wouldn't go downstairs Tommy." "Why?" "She's very pissed." she replied looking into his eyes.

"What the hell did Sadie show her?" Tommy wondered. "Is she okay?" Tommy wanted badly to go downstairs and talk to her, but if she wasn't ready to talk it could very easily blow up, he definitely would want to avoid that. It was probably better to let her cool off first anyway. He turned to Kristin to ask her something, just as her phone rang interrupting his thought. He watched as she pulled it from her pocket and flipped it open to answer it.

Kristin sat there looking at Tommy waiting for him to ask what he was about to ask her. "She's not okay...she's very upset." she replied, before pressing send on her phone. She looked at the I.D. and it was Jessica and Alex. "Hello?" "Kris...you got to look at this." "What?" she asked wondering what in the hell her friends were asking. "It's a web page with you and some guy named Little Tommy Q." "WHAT????!?!?!?!!?" she shrieked. "oh no." "Give me the link now." " she took the link after writing it down. She went to her websites on her sidekick. She saw three photos. One of her and Tommy making out in the middle of the dance floor. One of them hugging in the studio. One where it was manipulated to look like they were cuddling. "Oh god NO!" she started to spazz as she looked at Tommy. "Tommy...no..." she said softly. This can't be happening. "Not now"

Tommy looked at Kristin confused as to why she was so upset. He heard something from downstairs that sounded like smashing. "WHAT IS GOING ON?" He asked, very irritated now. Jude was pissed, Sadie was hiding away somewhere, and Kristin speechless? He was damn confused and wanted to know what was happening right now.

"Tommy...look." she said looking at him. She handed him the sidekick which showed the pictures of them. She started spazzing as she looked at him. "I-I can't believe this." She started shaking with Anger. She couldn't believe this was happening. She thought she had escaped the tabloids but apparently not. She sighed. "God Jude probably saw that and thinks we were ...You know..." she looked at him. "Who would do this?"

Tommy's eyes narrowed in fury. He couldn't believe this. He would never cheat

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Jude decided she was done torturing things downstairs, and ran upstairs, grabbing her keys and purse she flew out the door, before anyone could even get a word out to ask where she was going. "People want to tear me apart! Well why I don't just do it for them!" She hit the gas pedal hard, making her tires screech as she peeled out of the driveway and away from them. "They want to accuse me of things then turn around and do it themselves; I'll give them something to accuse me of!" She yelled at the stale air inside her car.

Kristin looked at Tommy. "Ugh what is going on? With people...do you think karma?" she asked looking at him. She heard Jude storm out. "She left Tommy...where ...Did she go?" She asked.

"I don't know who Kris, Jude just needs to calm down, she probably went back to the beach or something." Tommy tried to remain positive. He paced the floor, trying to think of what to do next.

Jude found herself parked in front of a bar. She took a breath before she opened her car door, grabbed her purse and keys, and got out. She locked up her car and entered the bar. She showed the bartender her ID, before she ordered a Snakebite, on the rocks. She put her head against a fist as she waited for her drink…..

The next thing Jude knew she was sitting slouched in the bar stool. Her head tilted to the side trying to see if the room would stop looking cockeyed around her. She giggled a little catching herself from literally falling off the stool, only to provoke more laughter...

Meanwhile, Kristin and Tommy sat there looking at the website in which the pictures seemed to have had a caption under the one of them kissing. "Looks like Little Tommy Q has his hands full, along with his mouth by the looks of that kiss." Kristin looked over at Tommy who was now livid to the point where he wanted to throw the computer against the wall. "I swear when I find out who put this together, they're in a lot of fucking trouble." Tommy exclaimed. "Tommy, we got to fix this..." Just then Kristin heard a commotion outside the Harrison household and she went look outside and it was paparazzi. She heard Tommy walk up behind her. "Oh my god!" exclaimed a reporter. "It's Tom Quincy and Kristin Cavallari."

Kristin looked over at Tommy. "J-just go back in the house Kris." He said looking at her. "I'll deal with this." She listened to him as she rushed back inside the house. "Everyone you need to just leave." he said in a firm tone of voice. He felt like there was no reason to have to explain anything to them since he did nothing wrong. "Now." the paparazzi once again started to write thing in their notebooks and take pictures. He quickly walked back inside the house fuming. He closed the door with a slam. He walked into the den trying to calm down. He knew if he didn't leave the situation he would surely lose it on one them and this would become headline news in the morning. He shook his head. "God, why is this happening again? I thought I was done with the damn paparazzi

Kristin grabbed her phone dialing a number quickly as she could. She needed to get rid of this mob outside before anything could be fixed. The phone rang over and over with no answer. "Shit!" She mouthed before dialing for the authorities, and her Uncle Stuart…

After calling uncle Stuart and authorities Kristin sat in her old room and called Stephen. "Stephen, pick up your phone." she sighed waiting for him to answer. "God, I hope he doesn't see this web page." She heard her phone beep someone in on the other line and she hung up Stephen's number. Looking at the caller id she answered it. "Hello?" "Kristin...What is going on?" She heard the familiar voice ask. The voice on the other end was none other then her best friend Jessica and Alex H. Alex sat on the bed with Jessica. "Yeah, what is going on?" "God guys, there's a website...with some pictures of me and my cousins boyfriend...and producer." "Yeah, we know we see that." They both said. "What're you going to do about it Kris? Has Stephen seen them?"

"I...I don't know." She said her head lowering. "What if he thinks Tommy and I ...that I'm cheating on him?" "Kris, you know as well as we do Stephen won't think that." "Yeah but see if you guys remember...me drinking and partying and guys being there doesn't mix very well." She sighed once again. "Kris, Stephen loves you. You know that." "I know...I know." Meanwhile while Jessica and Alex were both trying to calm Kristin down, Tommy sat in the den thinking to himself. "If I lose Jude over this I swear someone will definitely not want to be in my face." he thought. He got up and grabbed some paper and a pen and started to write something's down. He started to write his feelings down because he felt an overwhelming amount of things flooding through his head.

Uncle Stuart got in his car and took off speeding back to his house only for it to be surrounded by paparazzi. He pulled in his driveway and fought his way through the crowd standing on the steps. "What is going on here?" he asked looking at the paparazzi. "Sir did you know Tom Quincy and Kristin Cavallari are a couple?" "No?" "What are you talking about?" But just as he asked that the police showed up and tried to get the mob to die down. They grabbed roadblocks and put them in front of the Harrison household to prevent them from trying taking anymore pictures. Little did they know paparazzi had managed to sneak inside the house? Tommy got up making his way over to Kristin's old bedroom and knocked on the door. "Girl...we'll fix this ok. I promise."

Jude placed her hand upon the bar, feeling brave she stood up, watching intently towards a ground of younger men playing darts on the other side of the room…Maybe she could play….Making her way over there. Jude tilted her head, clearing her throat, as so to be noticed. "Mind if I join in?" She asked. The guys looking stunned some, nodded without a word, handing her a handful of darts. She moved back a few feet, before aiming with her eyes and throwing a perfect bull's-eye, using her anger that was now dripping away slowly. Hopefully she would stab the board to death with them….

One of the Men who were sitting with Jude began to notice her. Really notice her. "Can I buy you a drink?" He asked. "Or would that be too forward? Here's how it's done girl. " He chuckled as he looked into her glowing face smiling. He took a drink of his Dark n Stormy. Setting it down, and taking a dart and throwing it at the board.

Jude sat down again smiling, feeling tipsy. "Sure why not." She eyes him. "My names Jude and yours is?" She put her hand out to shake his… "Nick." He shook her hand. "Pleased to make your acquaintance." As he nodded and smiled. "What would you like? Rum and coke, Daiquiri, Margarita?" He asked smiling. "How about some Bicardi?" She stated. Sounded good to her foggy brain. She was liking this, No Drama here. No wonder Tommy liked it so much…So far so good. She waited as the bartender served their drinks, before asking him anything. "So Nick, what do you do?" She asked casually as her brain could muster at this point.

"I'm a student at University of Toronto. I'm majoring in pre-law right now." He said smiling at her as he paid for the drinks. "Cheers." he raised his glass towards her. "So what's a beautiful girl like you doing here?" he asked looking deeply into her eyes.

"Well Nick, I guess I just needed to get away. I'm a little surprised though. You haven't mentioned anything on knowing who I am. It's kind of nice, ya know?" Jude knew she was getting drunk, but at the same time she really didn't care. Nick was nice… and right now, she was so tired of it all. The accusations, The photo's, she wanted to forget it all, even if it was just for one night…She didn't even try to think of the what if's on this situation, It just didn't come up…

He took a sip of his drink. "Well, Jude the fame and fortune persona is just an image given by the press right?" He asked looking at her. "It's not all that impressive to me." He chuckled taking another sip of his drink. "Yeah, I know what you mean about what needing to get away. Believe me it's nice to go where people don't know who you are or judge you due to your status. If you know what I mean."

Jude looked up form her drink, smiling, and shocked at the same time. He did know who she was…But the fame didn't matter. Really? Wow…She thought. "That's absolutely correct, things have been crazy lately. I won't sit here and pour my heart out, I promise. I don't know. Do you think it's stupid?" Here she was asking a complete stranger things…Why wouldn't her brain register, of well.

"Yeah I've noticed." he laughed. "No it's okay if you talk to me. I promise i wont tell anyone about anything." he reassured her. "I don't think it's stupid. The things that people think are stupid usually are the things that turn out to be the best thing ever." He smiled at her taking another drink and shaking his head.

Jude raised an eyebrow. Either she was drunk, or he was brilliant, either way, she liked being here, being able to just do whatever, They wanted to accuse her, now they have something to accuse her of. She looked at him moving her head to the side, suddenly bursting into a fit of giggles, causing her liquefied body to slide from the chair. So again, there she was in front of a complete stranger she knew nothing about, sitting on her butt, on a fluff filled bar room floor, laughing so hard she could barely breathe, over nothing at all….hmmm, maybe she was wasted…

He looked at her with a slight buzz of his own. "Do maybe want to dance Jude?" he asked smiling at her. He got up off the chair and put out his hand for her to grab a hold of it. He smiled. He laughed when she did. He thought it was cute she was laughing so damn hard.

Nick helped Jude to her feet, stabilizing her stance, before they made their way out to the Dance floor. She tried her best to stifle the giggles bubbling in her chest. She didn't want him to think she was some sort of Sped Monkey…She put a hand to her lips, yelling at her foggy brain. "Shut Up, Stop laughing you nerd!" It even sounded like it echoed inside her head…causing her to laugh harder. What the hell? She clutched a hand to her stomach, trying to control the laughter but what was the point now?

"Anyone ever tell you , you have a cute giggle?" he asked smiling as they made their way to the dance floor and smiled and he pulled her into his arms interlocking his fingers with hers and put his hand on her back and made sure to keep his body from hers in a decent amount of space.

"Wow you are a gentlemen…"She accidentally said out loud as she let her sluggish body sway with the song, soon enough she was lost in the music with him. Feeling like the world around her was a haze of smoke and fluff bunnies, but it didn't matter. She enjoyed just feeling free, feeling good…

Tommy he walked towards the bed sitting down next to her. "Guys, I got to go." She said to Jess and Alex. "Ok bye Kris, Bye Kristin. Love you." "Love you too." She started to sob closing her sidekick tossing it down. She leaned into Tommy and placed her head on his shoulder and his arm managed to slink its way around her shoulder. He rubbed her some. "Kristin, look I'm sorry. I didn't know that this was going to happen." he said sympathetically. The person who snuck into the house made his way to the voices he was hearing and pushed the door open wide enough to snap a couple of photos. He snapped some more photos which had startled Kristin. "What was that?" she asked. Before the reporter could move Tommy got up walked towards him. He grabbed the camera and snapped it in half.

"Go and leave out of this house. If I so much as catch you back here. I will press charges." He said.

Uncle Stuart stood outside with the police for a minute then proceeded to enter the house. He entered and heard voices upstairs. He made his way up the stairs to find Tommy yelling at a strange Man inside his house. "Excuse me? What do you think you are doing inside of my house?" He asked looking at the reporter. "I'm taking photos of Mr. Quincy and Ms.Cavallari." "I don't think so." Stuart said looking at the reporter. "I will not hesitate to report you." Stuart looked at him with a harsh tone of voice. "Get the hell out of my house." He exclaimed as he watched the paparazzi walk out without his camera. Stuart walked towards Tommy. "Is everyone okay in here?" He asked. "Yeah, I broke his camera so that he couldn't submit those photos." Tommy replied.

Tommy replied. Kristin sat on the bed almost frozen. She couldn't move because she was so freaked out. She didn't want to be put in front of cameras anymore. That was partially the reason she'd left Laguna.

Tommy looked over at Stuart. "Wait a minute have you heard from Jude?" "No, I thought she was here with you guys." "No, she stormed off." Kristin responded softly. "What happened?" Stuart asked. "Umn go look at the laptop" Kristin said looking at her uncle then back to Tommy...

Stuart approached the laptop only to scroll down and see pictures of Kristin and Tommy hugging and one of kissing. He closed his eyes for a moment then looked down at the laptop thinking it was just his eyes playing tricks on him unfortunately it hadn't played any tricks on him. "What is this?" Stuart asked.

"It's a cover story from a magazine that claimed Tommy and I are together." Kristin replied as she sighed. "All we did was hug because I was frustrated, and we kissed because he and I both were drunk and weren't thinking." She started to tear up looking over at Tommy.

"Ok, everyone just settle down. Where's Jude?" Stuart asked. "Do you think she might be over at the studio?"

"I don't know Mr. Stuart. I just called there and didn't get a response." Tommy replied shutting his cell phone as he walked over by Kristin and stood next to her. He looked around and he was trying to think of all the places she could be. The beach, the bar, studio, a friend's house.

"Yeah I don't know either. I'm starting to get worried about her. She never stays gone this long. "Kristin replied to both Stuart and Tommy. "Maybe we should go looking for her." Kristin looked at her sidekick. Meanwhile while they were contemplating about what to do Jude was at the Bar slow dancing with Nick.

"S-s-s-orry Nick." She managed to slur as she slow danced. She hadn't even done anything to him. She felt the need to say it. "You know what's funny?" She asked laughing.

"What?" Nick asked Jude as he tried to hold her up.

"The word slubber." She said looking up at the ceiling fan unable to contain herself with laughter. "It keeps on spinning and spinning and spinning. So fast. wooo wooooooo wooooo woooo ." she laughed harder. She eventually fell on the floor from laughing so hard. She grabbed her cell phone and dialed a number and got a voicemail. "Please leave a message after the beep." The voice said. "Beep." She said laughing. "Please leave a beep after the message." She repeated laughing hysterically at what she thought she had heard.

"Slubber? What's that?" Nick asked quite drunk himself. He tried to help her up but she insisted on sitting on the floor. He finally managed to get her up off the floor by pulling her up by the hands. He smiled... "So Miss Harrison wants to go with me on a little road trip?" He asked smiling.  
"I don't know what slubber is it was just something my cousin Kristin said one time." she said laughing hysterically. She looked at him then to the ceiling fan. "Yeah sure. Whatever I just need to get out of here." She replied. She didn't know his real intentions but frankly she didn't care. She wanted to just get away from all the things that'd been causing her pain lately. She knew in the back of her mind she shouldn't go but who cares she's eighteen right?

Jude looped her arm around his; she almost wanted to skip out the door. "Sshhooo were'rr we goiinnnng Nnick?" She slurred. "You'll see Jude, soon enough…." He responded. He grinned as he help open the passenger side door of his car, and helped her inside.

Once he helped her inside the car and buckled her seatbelt he closed the door. He walked over to the other side of the car and got inside the drivers side closing the door and buckling himself in. He grabbed the key from his pocket and slipped it into the ignition and turned it on looking out to see if any other cars were coming he slipped the gear into drive pulling out onto the road to drive. "How about some music?" He asked her as he continued to drive down the road.

"Niicckkk did you know, did you know that your driving while blood in your alcohol?" Jude tried to remain serious, but the words sounded like a squeak coming from her mouth. She began laughing again.

"Look Judith, I know I'm driving drunk, and I know your drunk this was my intention Ms. Harrison…" Jude eyed him, swirls colouring in front of her eyes. "W-what do you mean?" She felt her heart speed up, thumping against her rip cage, as the world swirled around her.

"No worries Jude honestly, you think I would hurt you? Huh? You're like a beauty Queen to me." He responded.

"How come you didn't tell me, t-tell me you wanted…" She couldn't even finish her sentence. She didn't know his intentions, but right now she felt real fear seeping into her foggy mind. 'What did he want?' "What do you, you want Nickkk."

"Jude don't you worry your pretty little head, okay, this is perfectly fine."

Jude sat there looking at him trying to calm herself down enough to think of a way to get him to pull over. "Nick...come on please; just tell me what you want? Do you want me to give you money...what do you want please just tell Me." she pleaded as tried to silently pray to God for protection. "Father if you can hear me right now please protects me from him. Please let me return in one piece and be safe." she said softly enough so that Nick couldn't hear her. A stream of tears started to flow down her cheeks as she wondered if she'd ever see her family again.  
She looked at him, maybe she was dreaming; maybe he would just take her home. Why did she agree to this? She should have paid attention to the warning signs. She knew her instincts were telling her something. She leaned her head back, closing her eyes, and swallowing. When she suddenly had an idea…

This was a nice car right? She looked around the swirls of the interior taking in everything around her, so she could use it later.

He sat there driving watching her some but still keeping his eyes on the road. "Jude?" He asked as he looked at her and she appeared to be conscious then unconscious switching back and fourth between both consciousness and unconsciousness. He looked back at the road with the lights of the semi ahead of them were bright on the other side of the road. He shut his eyes for a brief moment and opened them again looking back over at her.

Little did he know this was part of her plan, She prayed over and over inside her head that this would work. She felt his eyes on her, and his hand moving to touch her. She opened her eyes suddenly, looking at him. "Stop! Stop Pull over Nick!" She tried to act like she wasn't afraid of him.

"Jude? What, what? I thought you said you wanted to come along? It's too late now, girly girl…too late."

"No, No its fine…Just p-pull over, I'm going to be sick." He looked at her keeping the wheel steady in front of him; he didn't seem to be too drunk after all. He studied her face for a minute. "You're lieing, Jude. What is your problem, I thought you wanted this?" He said kind of roughly. "I…I'm drunk! Nick! Do you hhhonesssly thing that I can think straight?" She slurred. "I have a life here Nick, I c-can't leave."

"Listen Jude, I can give you a whole new life, something you've never experienced before." Jude looked down at her hands. She needed to do something and something now. How did she always manage to get herself into such a mess? She leaned her head back. "Shit" she thought, he obviously wasn't falling for her sick move.

Nick continued to drive looking at her. "Whatever you've got planned isn't going to work Jude. So you can stop trying to think of ways to get out of my vehicle." he chuckled as he locked the car doors so she couldn't make her way out. Jude looked at him…not knowing what to do next, Jude grabbed the wheel pulling it towards her as hard as her sluggish body would allow. She felt the car begin to lose control, her vision swirled around her.

"JUDE WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!! STOP! YOU'RE GOING TO KILL US BOTH!" Nick knew he was going to fast, and this couldn't be good, he tried to pull the wheel from her, but she clutched it hard, the car spinning sideways almost skipping across the pavement...

When Jude had finally realized what she was doing fear struck her, she let go of the wheel quickly slinking back into her seat, as Nick fought to finally gain control of the vehicle. A few minutes later, and about a Million God please don't let me dies from Jude. The car was driving smoothly again, only to renew the same fear from earlier again.

"What do you want with me Nick?" Her voice quivered, as hot tears made paths down her face. "I want to show you a life you could never have Jude, just you and me, no one else around to bother you," He stated like nothing seemed out of place. "Nick, I can't be happy without my life here, it's what I live for." She tried.

"YOU WILL BE UNDERSTAND!!" He yelled, making Jude want to sink into the seat. Now she did honestly feel sick, and her head spun. Why hadn't ever learned her lesson? She should have never gone out. There were so many other options and she had to choose a damn bar, like her fate was to just be hurt again.

Jude looked at Nick trying to devise another way to escape him. She knew he wasn't going to fall for her "I'm going to be sick" routine especially after what she pulled earlier. "Nick, can we please stop for a minute? I really need to use the washroom." Jude said softly looking at him. "I mean like really bad." She sat in her seat crossing her legs trying to make it seem as if she really needed the washroom which in fact she didn't need it at all.

"You're just going to have to hold it, because if you think I'm going to stop long enough for you to make a drunken run for it, and make a scene you're more out of your mind than I am Jude," He growled at her. Her stomach was literally turning in knots to the point where she actually thought she might really be sick at this point.

"Nick, I'm not going to make a run for it. I swear." she replied looking at him. "I promise I'll be in and out with no funny business." She nodded reassuringly.

"I'm not taking my chances Jude; you can wait until we are out of the city, if you don't than you won't make me a very happy person."

Jude bit her lip trying to keep from crying, in fear. She didn't know what else to do, her head was a mess, from drinking, her motivation was all funky, and her stomach was doing the Cha Cha slide, and then mixing it with the twist. Why did she let this happen?

He continued to drive looking at her. "Only 10 more miles to go till we are out of the city and don't have to worry abut the situation. I promise you Jude. You won't wanna come back once you and I've spent time together. Forever."

"Listen Nick you are drunk, you aren't thinking straight, I know you can't be this type of person, you're different than this right?" Jude swallowed waiting for an answer. She didn't want to make him mad at her, but she was afraid. "Nick I'm in love, I have someone, and I have a family and a Career that I'm happy with. I wouldn't be happy anywhere else." She tried. Swallowing again, this time against the rising her in throat.

"Jude, if you were so happy with all of that then why did you come on to me huh?" he asked looking at her. "You're so beautiful. I could give you anything and everything you've always dreamt of." He said as he continued to drive knowing how nervous she was.

"Dammit, I didn't come to you Nick! I was mad so I went to a damn bar to show someone up! I don't even know you! Why would I just come to you!" Jude lost her temper, not caring anymore, and she knew the alcohol was still talking. She needed to get it out of her system somehow in order to think a little more level headed before she got herself killed.

"Because you're clearly craving, the closeness of a male in your presence." He replied stroking his hand up and down her cheek as he drove. "Don't you ever fucking talk to me like that again." He exclaimed as he continued to drive.

Jude jumped away form his touch. "I have a male presence in my life, and I love him! And when he finds out what you are doing you will be lucky if you make it out alive! I didn't leave because of him dammit, I went to the bar to blow of some steam. I love Tommy! And he loves me! I cannot be without him! Now please let me go home!

"NO! NEVER!" He yelled as he continued to drive. He started driving faster. "Tommy doesn't love you. He loves that Kristin Cavallari chick. You know the one from Laguna Beach." He said as he sped off into a wooded area.

"That's not true! Someone did that, they made it look that way; I didn't see that at first, they would never do that to me! He loves me and she is my best friend!" Suddenly Jude felt his hand connect with her face causing her to quiet quickly. "Now don't fight with me Blondie, I always win…"

Jude closed her eyes fighting the overwhelming urge to cry, and be sick at the same time. She touched her lip slightly, feeling it swell out, where he had hit her. She tasted blood, licking her lip, she felt like she was at the end of her rope now. She kept her eyes closed, feeling the tires begin to hit a rough patch of the road. Her stomach lurched several times, up into her throat. She knew she had drank too much, and had a feeling things were about to get a lot worse.

He continued to drive feeling no remorse for hitting her. He kept going with a smirk and looked over at her. Smiling widely, He knew he had scared her enough to the point where she would do anything that he said without the slightest hesitation.

Clearing her throat, she tried to turn towards her window as much as possible hoping she could see any tell tale signs of where he could be taking her, or maybe anything she might need to remember, drunk or not she had a vague feeling she would remember every minute of this. She was terrified out of her wits.

Jude let her head rest on the seat, as it began to spin sickly. Breaking out into a cold sweat, she swallowed continuously, too afraid of letting her body take control, afraid that he would hurt her. She knew it was inevitable, just a matter of time, but the more she could will it off, maybe she would eventually just pass out.

Her eyes felt glued shut, as she forced herself to open them, wrong time, wrong situation…She needed to focus somehow, she needed to remember things, street signs, anything possible. She'd noticed they'd passed a few nameless signs, and an old abandoned shack. She tried to remember the details, as everything was blurry enough as it was.

Nick remained quiet as the pitted road pitched the car slightly in several different areas. Jude could tell, he was skilled with this, he knew where he was. Every bump the car hit, made her nausea ten times the size it was moments earlier. She was too afraid to speak up now. She knew his kind, and they had no mercy, no sympathy. She would wind up in big trouble. Maybe she could just ask him to pull over now, at least she'd have warned him.

"N-nick?" her voice came out almost like a whimper. "I-I'm sorry, sorry I really am. C- can you pull the car over please?" She pleaded with him.

"What now Drama Queen?" He asked angrily. "I'm not, I'm not telling stories this time, honestly, I'm going to be sick, I drank too much, and please, please dont hurt me…" She began to cry. Noticing he had not made any attempt to pull the car to the side of the road. He must think she was lieing again, but she wasn't.

Jude held a hand to her rolling stomach, as she finally felt the car slow and then turn into a driveway of sorts. "I don't have to pull over Jude, we are here, now you are going to wait until I get around the other side of the car, we don't need you running off now do we? Also Jude as a warning, I wouldn't try running into these woods, there is bears, bobcats, and mountain lions, they will eat you alive."

Jude remained seated, completely still, and silent, until she felt her door open beside her. Nick grabbed her up by her arm, and pulled her into a small old looking house. Once inside he roughly shoved her into the washroom, and then down in front of the toilet. "Now you stay there, you weak thing! When you think you can carry your own you holler, until then, you will stay here." His voice was fierce, as she heard him walk away, and the door shut, and lock from the outside behind her….

Nick paced the outside of the rundown living room trying to think of ways to keep her held captive. He knew he had to be quick because the cops may already be searching for her. He found a TV. Putting it on the news trying to watch for anything that may be about him and Jude. He sat down his leg bouncing up and down nervously.

"G-Majors Hot Singer Jude Harrison Missing after going to a bar for some downtime, in downtown Toronto…" He listened to the reporter speak vaguely. Was he really safe here with her or would he have to move? No they couldn't find him here right?

Jude looked around the washroom, everything spinning, maybe she just needed to pass out, and she was terrified beyond anything at this point. She looked down at the unclean toilet, only making her feel worse; she could now imagine all types of insects, and rats. Feeling as though she was now living straight from a horror movie.

She could hear the TV running from the other room. They knew. They knew she was gone. Feeling a little bit of hope now, maybe they would find her after all. Hopefully before he could do something incomprehensible to her. She just needed to get a feel for her surroundings, if only her body would co-operate. Jude stood, looking around the dust filled haze. How old was this place? She needed a way out, she needed to think rationally, she didn't want to be killed, maybe she should just let him do what he wanted until someone come to get her…

Jude looked through the slats in the boarded up window, trying to see anything she could remember later. She felt like she was in a fog.

Nick stood back to his feet. He walked over to the washroom and hit the door just to shake her up a little bit. "They're not going to find us Jude." He said in a stern voice one that sent chills down her spine.

Jude backed into a small corner in the washroom, as if it would save her from infliction. She let the tears spread down her face. Her body felt literally dirty. Dusty, grimy. She tried to wish herself home. "Common Jude we are not in the land of Oz!" She scolded herself.

Through her sobs Jude heard the front door open and someone enter, or leave maybe he was leaving. She was wrong, he was trying to fool her or something as she heard footsteps coming closer to the small room she was bring held in. A washroom of all places. This would be just her luck of course. She heard the door unlock, and him come inside. She tried to shield herself feeling the sobs erupt again.

Nick walked over towards Jude squatting down in front of her. "Jude there's no sense in crying." He ran his fingers through his hair. "It's not like you're going anywhere." He said with a smirk. "Crying is only going to make this worse on you. Not on me." He laughed some.

Jude tried to move her face from his view. "T-Tommy is going to, to find me, and w-when he does you will be lucky to still be breathing.' She said to herself. If she'd said it out loud she end getting hurt. She needed to fight for herself. She needed to find her strength through the mess of alcohol.

"Do you think I didn't hear you or what you said? You are so naive Jude; no one is going to find us. I made sure of that." He looked at her breathing down her neck. "Just because they are looking for you it doesn't mean they are going to find you. For all they know you've disappeared off of this earth."

Jude jumped, as she heard his cell phone ring from the other room. He rushed toward it, managing to lock her back inside the washroom on the way. Nick picked up his phone only to hear a familiar voice.

"What are you doing Nicolas!? You psycho son of a bitch!, Where is she. I swear if you don't tell me, and if she is hurt, I will hunt you down and kill you, you stupid little good for nothing asshole." The female voice finished.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Alyssa? Seems we haven't seen each other in a while. Honestly do you think you scare me? You didn't then, and you won't know. Just remember the tears I made you cry, just like she will."

"You bet on your life Nick, I will find her, and after I do. I will kill you. She doesn't deserve what you did to me! And I was much younger then. I have confidence in myself that I could take you down, and I would have backup."

Nick laughed, "We'll see Alyssa. You won't find us, even if you tried."

"Let's wager your life on that fucker!"

It was suddenly quiet again. He must have hung up. Jude's stomach flipped. She had heard the conversation. She had to prepare herself; she knew he was going to try something with her. Just wasn't sure exactly what of yet.

He sat his phone down and walked back into the washroom. "Well I know you heard our conversation, Jude. As I told her. You're not going anywhere and that's not a threat. It's a promise." He said seeing her curl her legs up towards her chest with a tear sliding down her cheek. "W-what are you going to do to me?" She managed to say as she continued to tremble in fear.

Alyssa flipped her phone shut, and walked out of the lobby of G-Major, before flipping it back open again, and dialing a number.

"Sara, hey this is Alyssa. I have a problem," "What is it little sis? Is this about Jude Harrison?" Her older sister Sara asked. "Actually it is. Sara Nick has her, and I need you to do me a favour. I need you to contact Jude's Aunt. She works for the CBIA. Now listen carefully. Her name is Linda Green. She needs to be fully aware of what Nick is capable of. Call me back; I'm heading out of here."

"Ok Lyss, but you don't plan on going to find her on your own do you?"

"You know me well, Sara, do what you need. I need as much background on Nicks recent activities as possible please. Also like I said contact her Aunt, they can help."

Alyssa shut her phone, and jumped into her car, starting it, and taking off quickly. Everything was heating up on the radio, about Jude's disappearance, and how it could possible be connected to Tom Quincy Cheating on her with her best friend and Cousin Kristin Cavillari. Maybe Jude chose to leave.

"This is bullshit!!" Alyssa slammed her hand onto the radio hushing it quickly. She was furious with the press, as if they hadn't done enough, Jude wouldn't be in this predicament right now. She knew this was all a set up, just who set up the cheating act, was the wonder, although the very least of her worries right now.

Alyssa picked up her phone once more, not caring that she was driving. She needed to tell Tommy, Kris, and Sadie. That Jude was in definite danger. She would have some explaining to do.

Tommy heard the phone go off. He looked at the caller I.D. and noticed a number he didn't recognize and he decided to answer it anyway. "Hey this is Tommy talk to me." He said looking at his watch.

"Tommy this is Alyssa, I need to tell you something important. Listen to me. I don't have much time to explain, but Jude is in a lot of Danger, She was kidnapped from the bar, from a guy Named Nicolas Valgardi. He is holding her somewhere right now, and we need to get to her before he can hurt her." She finished.

"WHAT?!" He exclaimed. Before she could even get another sentence out he was already inside his car and driving. "Where are you?" He asked as he sat in the driveway. He fastened his seatbelt.

"Meet me in Price Chopper parking lot. I don't have much time to explain just get here."

….

Jude held her head onto her knees feeling suddenly very cold, when she heard the door open once again. She tried to shove herself into the wall instinctively, but was only pulled up forcefully by her wrists. Thinking quickly Jude kicked at him hard connecting with his knee, forcing him to let go, and she made a quick run for the next room. She found herself bumping right back into him; he grabbed her, throwing her to the floor forcefully. Jude winced in pain, but she couldn't let it get to her, she needed to fight. Her vision suddenly grew blurry as she felt him grab her hands, tying them behind her back. He forced her back to her feet, and shoved her into another more dark room. Where he connected the tie to a brass bed rail….

"I can't cry now," She told herself as he walked away. "I need to have faith," She chanted, as tears slid down her face anyway. Well at least it was darker, she couldn't see too much of the mess around her. She knew she was tied to the damn bed. How could she let this happen...

Jude closed her eyes tightly against the pounding in her head. She must have finally passed out. She tried to move her hands realizing she was still tied to the bedpost, no wait she now had one hand free, a pair of handcuffs? He handcuffed one of her hands to the bed, so she couldn't have a chance of untying herself. She didn't want to move everything hurt. At first she thought she was dreaming but she was wrong. She could hear his muffled sounds from the room outside. He must be looking for something. She wasn't sure.

She used her free hand to grab onto her aching head, then clutch for her rolling stomach " Oh god! How stupid can I be?!" She asked herself. She couldn't let bad things keep happening to her, why were they happening to her? Had she done something so severely wrong that she'd deserved this? If So what had she done?. Jude tried to sit herself up. Her stomach pitching with her movements.

Nick sat in the living room of the building after hanging up with Alyssa and started to pace the floor once again. He tried to think of other places he could go incase the police found out where they were located. He knew had to do everything in his power to prevent them from finding Jude. He knew he had to be 5 steps ahead of the police in order to protect himself from being thrown in jail.

Jude felt like she could almost hear him thinking. Even the slightest noise he made, made her almost jump out of her skin. It was completely dark now and she couldn't see anything other than the light coming from under the door connecting the room. Her stomach kept turning, as her body reacted to everything that had happened in the events of this day.

Jude jumped as she heard him on the outside of the door right before it opened.

He got up and walked into her room bring her some food. He wasn't going to starve her. He looked at her turning on the light. "Here Jude." He said as he sat down next to her. "Just because I'm holding you here doesn't mean him going to starve you." He assured her of that.

Jude began to cry, she hadn't wanted to but it was out of her control. "I c-can't eat sorry please don't be mad, please don't hurt me," She choked out. "Please…" Nick looked at her. She certainly was a mess, he could fix that.

"Shut up! You know you wanted to come here, you got in the damn car! Now deal with it. Jude your not going back. Ever!"

Jude tried to stifle her sobs but the more she tried the more they came. Praying inside of her head that someone would find her and get her out of the mess, that she had once again gotten herself into. What is wrong with me?! "Tommy please find me" She thought. As she gathered her legs up to her chin.

He looked at her. "Come on now Miss Harrison, you need to eat. you need to keep your strength up incase we have to make a run for it." He looked at her trying not to let her see the nervousness within him. He put the food down next to her incase She decided she was hungry.

"I don't want to run Nick, I want to go home..." She sobbed out. I can't eat or I'll be sick, I already feel like it. I made a mistake Nick. I didn't know what I was doing. I love home, I love Tommy." She tried to rationalize with him.

He looked at her. "Fine if you don't want to eat you can starve for all I care." He replied getting up placing the food on a desk. "Rot in hell." He looked back at her for a minute before walking out of the room slamming the door shut.

Jude sobbed even harder. Making herself choke, and cough. She grabbed at her chest, feeling like she couldn't breathe. She knew she was having a panic attack, but she couldn't keep it form happening. She gasped for air memories flooding through her brain, like a lifetime movie. Her stomach revolted causing her to retch repeatedly she couldn't catch her breath. Her body took complete control sending the room spinning, as she continued to gasp, frightened. She's had panic attacks before but nothing like this. She was terrified that she was going to die right here and now.

Jude tried to call out to Nick, maybe he would have enough compassion just for a little bit to help her, but her voice just didn't seem to want to work.

Alyssa sped her car around the bumpy curves of a rarely traveled road she was determined. She could almost sense it. She'd always knew when he was close, it was just finding where he was that mattered most. Tommy sat quiet, and scared I the passenger side of her car. She could tell just about a million thoughts were running through his mind, and she knew he would blame himself for this, but he needed to know, she needed his help. She might be able to kick Nicks ass from Canada to hell, but she could always use some backup just incase she was wrong.

She looked over at Tommy. " Look Tom we are going to find her, she is close I can feel it, and I can feel her fear. Don't ask me how I just can, she is somewhere around here, and we will get there, I promise."

Tommy left the words inside his head just nodding swallowing past the huge lump that had formed in his throat. If anything happened to Jude now, he would never forgive himself.

Alyssa looked over at Tommy silently. Call me weird, but right now, I can feel what she is feeling. Something is wrong Tommy we have to hurry. I don't want to alarm you. I just have this sense, I always have. I don't know how to explain it.

"Your not weird," Tommy finally spoke his voice strained. Tears that he had not wanted to fall began to against his will. "I'm scared. I just need to see her ok. I need her back, Alyssa this is my fault, she wouldn't have ran off if it weren't for me." Tommy finished.

"Listen Tommy I know your upset, and I know your going to blame yourself no matter what I say, but you need to know this is not your fault nor is it Jude's nick is crazy, he always has been one French fry short of a happy meal, and I found out just how crazy when I dated him in high school., It's a long story., That I don't have time to answer right now."

Alyssa felt her throat clasp and she knew she was close, she looked to the right, and Nicks car was right there, she sped, then pulled into the secluded spot as quietly as possible as to not be heard by him. "Tommy, get out take this slash all his tires and fast, I don't want him getting far. This is it." She said. Tommy did as was told, as Alyssa surveyed where she was, she hit 911 on her cell phone without pressing it to her ear. She wasn't sure what Nick was capable of anymore.

Jude tried, she tried to scream for help once again. Nothing, she couldn't breathe, she thought she heard something outside just before the world around her went black….

Jude clawed desperately at her chest, feeling as if an unseen force was sucking the air right out of her. Her face constricted in agony. She felt someone's presence around her, but she couldn't make out who. Her body felt like it was being used out of her control. She sat up swiftly, letting out an ear splitting scream, sending a figure of someone right into her line of vision. He grabbed her arms shaking her slightly.

"Jude!...Jude! Snap out of it" Her entire body trembled, and jerked with her efforts to remain in control. "Jude common baby please!" "Tommy?" She sobbed, but it was discernable with the amount of tears that shook their way through her body. "Jude listen to me okay, listen to me carefully…You're having a nightmare you are okay sweetie, I'm right here, please calm down."

"A n-nightmare? Tommy where am I please, you have to help me!" "Jude look around Jude, your in your bed, I think we should take you to the ER, I think your sick with something." "Tommy lifted Jude into his arms when she began to kick and scream. "No! Please!" Tommy sat her back on the bed trying helplessly to calm her down. She needed to see a doctor. What the hell could promote a nightmare so terrifying that your entire body feels it? He thought that if he wasn't able to wake her soon, she'd have heart failure for sure.

She looked at him and the areas around her. "Tommy...what's going on...help me take me home!" She exclaimed as she clutched on to him tightly. "Jude...you're home." He said as he looked at her trembling figure. He pulled her close wrapping his arms tightly around her trying to comfort her. "Shhh it's okay. We're going to get you some help." He said into her ear "No!"

"No Tommy, I can't…What is happening to me?" She finally broke down into sobs, burying herself into his chest. She gripped at his shirt. "Tommy I as so scared. He was taking me away. I didn't know what he could do to me, and it was…It was so real!" She croaked. "Jude, it wasn't real baby. You've been through a lot. It was a dream, you have to believe that. I was right here beside you the whole time." He wrapped his arms around her, letting a few tears of his own slide down his face. He didn't know what was happening and he couldn't help her. He was terrified himself, helplessly watching her.

She started to shake a little bit more. "Tommy b-b-b-b-ut what if it w asn'tt?" She pleaded. "What if it happened and ...I ddont know" She started crying because of the intensity of everything. "Jude...girl, you're safe. You're here with me and Kristin and your family." He said as he kissed her forehead trying to remain calm.

"I would have known Jude, I would have felt it. I felt you when that stuff happened with Kristin's father, Jude you have to believe me. I'm sorry we didn't get you help sooner. Now it's going to be tough, I'm sorry Jude. I'm sorry."

"How could you possibly have Tommy...there's no wayyyy." She looked at him searching his eyes. Tommy looked back in to hers. "No! Tommy please...I don't ...I don't want to go...to the ER" She begged him. "I'll do anything... but that...please." "We'll talk about it more when you calm. Breathe Jude." She really didn't like it at all...The idea of the doctors or ER.

"I'm not making you go Jude. I…you scared me. I couldn't help you out of it…I'm just glad you're awake and okay. We'll work this out, I promise. I promise." Tommy hugged her to his chest tightly, as she finally began to calm. "I love you Jude…" he kissed her hair. "I love you too, Tommy," she whispered.

He leaned in and kissed her lips gently cupping her face in his hand and running his hand through her hair. "You'll be okay." He said as she started to snuggle up to him "Can I get you anything? Water...?" He asked as he whispered to her.

Jude shook her head. She was afraid to close her eyes. Nothing in the world could ever make her want to go back into that dream. When she was younger her mom used to make her get up and walk around the house for a while, after a nightmare, so it gave her brain something else to think about. She doubted that would work this time, it felt to real, to frightening. She literally felt like she couldn't breathe. She looked up at Tommy praying this wasn't the beginning to an incredibly vast struggle. She felt the shaking begin to stop and crying had abated to small hiccups. She felt so small at that very moment. So vulnerable, and maybe even helpless.

Fragile wasn't a word to describe Jude ever before in her life, up until this moment the thought had never occurred to her, that she'd need some type of outside help. She thought she could blow through this on her own. She was deceived by her own mind. "How awful…" She thought out loud.

"What's Awful Jude?" Tommy asked her as he heard say that out loud. "Come on let's go walk down to the kitchen." He said as he waited for her to rise up from her bed. "You're going to be okay." He said smiling as he kissed her forehead. "I love you girl and I'm not going anywhere.

Jude nodded, she grabbed his hand and followed his lead, she could use some water actually. Her legs felt like jelly as she walked beside him. She tried to steady herself as they descended the stair case together. "Do you want some coffee?" he asked her as they entered the kitchen. Jude nodded pulling out a chair, and plopping down into it.

He proceeded towards the coffee pot and grabbed a couple of mugs. "Cream?" He asked as he pours the coffee into mugs. Grabbing the creamer and placing it in his arm taking the stuff towards the island in the middle of the kitchen.

Jude nodded slightly not answering completely. She tried desperately to clear her thoughts. She didn't want Tommy to think she lost her mind, although she wasn't too convinced she hadn't herself. She wasn't sure what made her have that nightmare, or that she'd ever even seen this guy before….


	13. Chapter 13: I'm So Fly

_**A/N This one is quite funny, I don't know what made me think of this, but I thought we could use a bit of humour. Hope you likey.**_

Chapter 13: I'm So Fly.

Jude followed Spiederman into the practice space, throwing her bag to the floor. "So what is your most wonderful idea Spiederman, you better spill because I'm sure I can think of quite a few more important things I could be doing right now…"

Speiderman had told her he'd know exactly what would make her feel better. She'd been so stressed out lately, not able to sleep much, he became worried she'd never smile or laugh again.

"Just trust me Jude this will help. Sit down."

"Vincent what do you think you're going to do to me?"

"Jude cut it out, Just waiting for Kyle and Wally, Geeze!"

"Okay fine! But if anyone asks whatever you're planning, you kidnapped me and made me do it!" Jude crossed her arms across her chest, looking smugly at him. All he could do was laugh. "Fine Harrison it's all on me. But it's not illegal damn. Relax!"  
"Spied it may not be illegal in Canada but it could very well be illegal for Tommy! And G-major, who knows with the shit you do."

"Stop thinking of everyone else Jude for once and enjoy yourself okay." He stood in front of her his eyes serious. As Wally and Kyle finally walked in.

Kyle and Spied slapped knuckles, and turned to Jude. "Did you get the goods dude?" Spied asked him. Jude's eyes widened. "Goods!! What the hell are you going to do to me!" She shot up from where she sat quickly only to be returned with Spieds hands. "Jude listen damn, nothing that will hurt you, you'll only fell a bit better for a while, trust me it's worth it."

"Okay but if something happens I will hunt you down and kill you I swear it!" Kyle hid behind Spied and laughed. "Blondie needs to have more fun." He mimicked her face. "Nothing will happen Jude, what happened to you having trust in me?" Speid asked her. She shrugged, "I don't know who to trust anymore Spied I'm sorry. Just okay fine, let's do whatever you have in mind." She closed her eyes conjuring up hideous thoughts.

"First try this," Speiderman said handing her a brownie. "Chocolate Spied? I could have done that at home." She raised her eyebrow. "What makes you think a flipping brownie will help?" She said unwrapping the chocolate goodness anyways. "This isn't just any brownie Jude, this one has magic." Spied started laughing hard. "She really is oblivious! Just eat the damn brownie Jude." "Fine, you know peer pressure should be a crime," Jude laughed. She stuffed a bite into her mouth. "Oh my god this is good, what's in it?" Jude asked, which only provoked more laughter from Spied, Wally and Kyle.

"I'm going to hit you, if you don't stop laughing Vincent!" Jude stood up finished off her brownie. His hands flew up in the air as she came after him. "Down Girl!" Jude started laughing, "Forget it!" She felt good, hmm. "So what is your plan Mr. Spied?" Jude watched as he pulled out a something wrapped in cigarette paper. "You cannot be serious?!" Jude asked. "Oh Jude don't worry I'm serious. Come on you have never tried this?" He asked laughing. "Not exactly, I was more worried about my music career than hiding behind dumpsters and getting high. You little flipping pot head."

He lit it and handed it over to Jude, who choked on the first hit, but took another anyway, before handing it over to Kyle. "Honestly what do you get out of this stuff anyway?" Jude asked her head feeling a bit funny already.

"Hey dude! It's 4:20 smoke it up! She heard Kyle shout, but her ears weren't hearing correctly.

Kyle took the blunt and took a hit of it. "Lets go flyyyinnnggg on a jet plane named jayyyy jayyyyy" He shouted as he started to spin around really fast handing the blunt to Kyle. "Whooa man." He took a hit. "It really cloudy and look it's jazzy Jeff!" He started hallucinating a little. "Spied your turn." "Nope wait Jude's turn first." He took the blunt and handed it to Jude. "Go Harrison smoke it baby smoke it." He laughed. "Don't think Lord Quincy frown would ever imagine you smoking a blunt now did you Jude?"

Jude looked up. "What did you say? Wait a minute I forgot what I was thinking! Shut up! You retard so it will come back, wait I don't think it likes me Kyle, why do my thoughts hate me?"

"Thoughts have feelings?" Kyle asked looking at her..."Hey look there's two of you." "Wally look there's two Jude's." He started to crack up. "Your thoughts can't hate you. Doesn't worry be happy let the high take you to place called pancakes."

"Yes they do! They have feelings, they write Moosic!" Jude cracked up. "Moosic!" Jude almost fell to the floor. She sat down hard, laughing. "Spied! My head is shrinking! It's shrinking!" Jude explaimed trying to get up. "Dude, your head isn't shrinking calm down!" "Yes it is! No! Make it stop!" "Jude! Calm down!" Speid grabbed her and sat her on the chesterfield. Jude giggled. "I love chocolate! It saves the world!" She muttered, and began to laugh again.

Meanwhile, Tommy, who had been looking everywhere for Jude for the last two hours, walked into the practice space. "Jude? Are you here?" He heard laughing, Jude laughing, and became seriously suspicious of what she could be doing laughing that hard if she were by herself. He opened the door to the inside room, where the sitting area was moved to. Jude was sitting on the chesterfield, barely catching her breathe, until she noticed Tommy. "Hey look! It's Lord PMS!" She exclaimed, and fell into another fit of laughter.

Tommy not able to help himself, grabbed Spiederman up by his shirt. "What did you do to her!" He growled. "Hey! no pissing on each other!" Jude laughed out. She clutched her stomach, man it hurt, but she just could not stop laughing. "Dude, calm down, she only smoked some pot, it's not like we killed her. Who knew she'd react like this!" Spied tried to defend himself. "You stupid Ass! What the fuck were you thinking?!" Tommy pushed him down next to Jude. "Man it's not like she didn't have a mind of her own!" "Shut up retard or your teeth will have a mind of their own," Tommy grabbed Jude up from the chesterfield. "Jude we need to get you home, did you happen to forget about the party tonight you were supposed to be singing at?" Jude shook her head. "Nooo, See I can sing,"

"You and me baby aint nothing but camels, yesh camels, so lets do I like they do on the discovery channel!" Jude belted out before falling into a fit of giggles.

"This…This is not just a reaction from weed asshole!" Tommy looked at Spied, "What was it laced with? Tell me now before I choke you till you can't breathe, Because so help me god it Jude gets hurt, or sick, You will wish you never existed!"

Tommy was right up into his face at this point. "I…I don't know man, Kyle and Wally got it from a friend, he said it was just weed." Tommy let go of him, more worried about Jude at this point. "You stupid little idiots are lucky I don't have your jobs right about now, get lost!" Tommy said one last time, and then lifted Jude up over his shoulder. "Wheeeee! She exclaimed. "You are a camel. Someone call the discovery channel!!"

"Jude you have to keep it down! If someone hears this will be in the papers all over the place, Jude promise me you'll be quiet until we get to the car?" "Okay lobey I promise." Jude tried to smack his butt and missed making her laugh and the room shatter into little kaleidoscope pieces surrounding her vision. "Hey cool Tommy a colourful Tunnel!" She laughed harder. This time Tommy chuckled. "Jude Harrison tripping…who'd have thought. Girl there is no tunnel, shhh you have to be quiet." Tommy carried her out the door, as she began to squeak like a mouse. "Tommy a mouse is quiet." "Not Quiet enough Jude."

"That makes me sad. Fine. I'm quiet." She tried to cross her arms forgetting she was over Tommy's shoulder. But the next thing she knew, she was plunked down into the passenger seat of a car. Kristin's car? Where was she? Jude turned and was face to face with Kristin. "Hi!" Jude laughed hysterically. "Tommy where is the Vrooommmm Vrooommm Viper?" She asked, Serious as possible. Now why couldn't she be that serious a few minutes ago.

"Jude what the...?" Kristin asked as she looked at her cousin. "Tommy mind explaining what is going on?" She asked looking at Quincy. "Is she...what I think she is?" She looked around as she listened to Jude laugh and talk about Tommy's viper. "Whoever did this to you is going to get more than a handful of not so pretty words." Kristin looked as she strapped herself in the driver's seat. "Ready to go?" She asked as she had helped Jude strap herself into the passenger seat. "Ready Tom?"

"I'm ready Kris; let's get the hell out of here before someone snaps pictures. Trust me they almost ate my fist." Tommy was heated. Although she was funny, he was concerned mainly about what could have been in the weed, laced.

Suddenly Jude popped her head up, "I remember what I forgot to remember!" She stated. "Wait, Wait it's going away, come back! Oh look I didn't know it could rain onion rings! Cool Tommy catch them! Get'em!" "Jude sit down! You're going to get us in an accident," Tommy pushed her back into the seat. "Stay still."

Kristin kept driving the best she could. Her cousin was getting little unruly she watched as Tommy held Jude to the seat almost. "Jude please settle down." She pleaded as she drove. "I'm going to have to pull over this car if you don't stop moving around. Tommy you might have to have her sit back there with you. It's getting to be too hard to drive with her all over the car like this." She looked back at him through the car mirror as they kept driving.

Kristin pulled the car over to the side, and helped Tommy get Jude into the back seat, as she pouted. "But I liked the pretty colours up front!" She made a puppy dog face, and giggled. Tommy pulled her to him. "Jude try and close your eyes sweetie," He tried his best to calm her hyper state. "I can't they flicker! And I want to dance!" She crossed her arms more unsuccessfully. "Jude you can't dance in the damn car, just please close your eyes." "Your mean Tommy," She pouted at him.

Jude suddenly closed her eyes and put her arms around in front of her. "Tommy! I can't see! I can't see, why can't I see!?" She was almost frantic. "Jude you can't see because you closed your damn eyes like I told you too, open your eyes and come back over next to me." Tommy pulled at her. "Oh I closed my eyes? Yay!" Jude giggled.

Tommy looked down at Jude.  
"Those morons are the ones who are mean. They're getting you high. " He said almost wanting to snap because of how angry he was at Larry, curly and Moe lifelike imitation, he continued holding her close as They continued to drive down a few more streets and finally upon Jude's house. Kristin pulled up to the driveway and put her car in park turning off the ignition and going to the passenger door opening it for Tommy and Jude. She looked at them. "Got her Tom?" She asked as she waited for their departure.

"I've got her Kris ward off any idiot if they come along; we need to get her inside. We can't make this go away it has to run its course, it could be hours like this." He said carrying a squirming Jude from the car. "Tommy don't move so fast your scaring the fireflies! And you made my friends run away!" She whined. He didn't care what she said at this point it was all nonsense anyway. He needed to get her in the house and that's exactly what he did.

Tommy sat Jude down on the love seat, and scrubbed his hand through his hair. What the hell was he supposed to do now?

"Tommy? I need you," He heard Jude say from her position on the loveseat. "What is it Jude are you alright?" "No," she responded. "You made me stop flying, and I didn't even have wings, Tommy how did I fly in here without wings?" Tommy let out a breath and busted out laughing. "Jude I carried you dear, settle down and close your eyes," He tried to get her to fall asleep, but it just wasn't going to happen.

Kristin saw people driving and trying to take pictures. She flipped them off. "Go away." She yelled at them. She walked towards the house and opened the door getting inside of the house and locking the door. "What are we going to do?" Kristin asked looking at Tommy. "I can only hold off the paparazzi for so long..." She looked at her cousin. "Hopefully she doesn't pull girls gone wild." Kristin whispered hoping Tommy was the only one who heard that.

"Who tipped them off? Dammit!" Tommy was definitely angry now making Jude almost jump from her skin, the next thing she knew she was sitting on the floor laughing.

Kristin looked at Tommy. "We've got to figure out something...there's got to be someway to get her to calm and we have to keep her away from the munchies... Oh great this is going to end up just like Sanford and Son episode where he said the cops had the munchkins...when they ate the marijuana by mistake." She sighed

"That's funny Kristin, I don't know what to do the only thing we can do is let it run its course," Tommy heard laughter from the floor and looked down to see Jude laughing at the ceiling. "It hears so funny Tommy!" She giggled. "What hears funny Jude? Damn she is tripping out Kris." Tommy pulled her up off the floor, and set her back onto the love seat. "Did you know how smart the ceiling it's, it knows it's times tables better than I do? Right Aggie?" She said looking up at the ceiling again.

Kristin shook her head looking exasperated. "This is so wrong Tommy; I'm going to kill them boys. Let's just hope her dad works late tonight, this ought to be fun."

Kristin and Tommy both jumped when they heard a rustle at the front door. Tommy moved towards the door, while Kristin grabbed Jude's hand and pulled her into the washroom. "Who could this be?" He thought to himself, but he would soon find out.

Kristin helped Jude in the washroom. "Shhh quiet Jude." She exclaimed as she opened the door getting Jude in the washroom then closing the door behind them trying to keep Jude Quiet. Her cousin was giggling uncontroablly. Kristin tried to listen through the door for Tommy and whoever was at the door. Tommy opened the door and saw Sadie. "Hey Sades, what brings you here?" Tommy asked trying to act as if nothing was going on which wasn't surprising since he was good at hiding things.

"Kris! The towels are glowing! It's cool look!" Jude said holding a towel into her face. She almost fell over, "and the room is like riding a tilt awhirl! I like it here, will you keep me?" She asked.

"Jude...put the towels down. They don't glow." She tried to refrain from cracking up hysterically like she currently was inside as she tried to pry the towel from Jude. "What do you mean will I keep you...You're my cousin and I love you." She replied.

"I wanted the towel! Krys, it's special to me! Wait I think I found something better; Jude grabbed the tube of toothpaste and began squirting it out! Hey cool! That glows too!" Jude looked up at Kristin, Stone serious. I think something just said my name! Who's calling my name?"

Kristin heard Sadie say Jude's name. "Umn no one..." The toothpaste got all over Kristin. She started to spit it out. "Ew Jude!" She tried to play it off as if it were a figment of Jude's imagination as she got up walking to the sink feeling her contact irritate her eye since Jude got a little bit in her lens. "Jude!!!!" She looked at her.

Jude laughed, "Itchss gross! It doesn't taste like donuts!" Jude sputtered and spit toothpaste that she's squirted into her mouth into the sink well aimed at the sink anyways. She turned on the water and jumped back. "It bit me! What the hell Kris it bit me!"

"Water cannot bite you Jude." Kristin stood there watching her cousin making a complete fool out of herself. She loved her cousin but was concerned about her behaviour. "Control yourself Jude please..." She pleaded.

"My teethe are numb, see" Jude showed Kristin her teeth getting close to her face. "They are fuzzy numb and someone did say my name..." Jude looked at the bathtub as if that was what called her name. "Do you like me?" She asked.

"No but Tommy does." Kristin said looking at Jude. "The bathtub doesn't speak..." She looked at the bathtub then back to Jude a blank expression on her face. "Nobody called your name. Maybe Tommy but no one else did." She sat down on top of the bathtub." As long as Jude didn't try making out with the bathtub we'd be alright Kristin said softly.

"I was talking about you Krys. You hate me don't you?" Jude raised her arms above her head then fell onto the floor laughing. She pulled herself up only to go back down laughing to hard too control herself.

"No I don't hate you...I just hate that the guys did that and gave you weed. Promise me you won't ever smoke it again."

"I didn't smoke anything! I had chocolate, and it smoked me!" Jude giggled. Suddenly the door sung open to reveal Sadie, with Tommy trying to stop her. "Sadie don't Jude want's some…" She opened the door anyway, "Privacy…"

Jude looked up. "I told you someone called me. It's my wonderfully sister Sadie! Hi Sadie, want some?" Jude held out the hand towel that was on the floor.

"What is the hell going...on?" Sadie demanded. "Tommy...Kristin...Jude...start talking. She demanded. Kristin looked at Tommy then to Sadie and thought "Busted..." to herself. She was spazzing. How would they explain it?

"Speid gave me chocolate!" Jude said triumphantly. "It had magic in it! And it was the best in the world! Maybe there's more I'm kind of hungry, and thirsty." Jude stood up and ran the water in the sink above drinking it form her hands. Then stood back up wobbling a bit too much.

"Whoa Jude." Sadie walked over to her sister standing behind her incase she fell. "No...there will be no more chocolate for you. No magic brownies or chocolate." She said. "I swear that boy is dead meat next time I see him." Sadie exclaimed. "Someone help me, now!"

Jude stopped giggling and looked at Sadie. "It's in the freezer, I feel like dancing again, anyone want to join me I can go get mushrooms?" Jude said, trying to escape Sadie.

"No Jude." Sadie exclaimed as she looked at Tommy then to Kristin. "A little help here!" She grabbed Jude trying to prevent a girls gone wild tape from being recorded. "Gosh I swear if she were anymore high we'd be in major trouble here."

"I can fly high! I flewed in here from the car." Jude said stumbling forward.

"No I carried you baby." Tommy replied to Jude's comment about flying. "You both better hope Dad doesn't come home and see her like this. What time is dad supposed to show up from work anyways?" Sadie asked Kristin. "I really don't have any idea."

Jude bent down to pick up something she saw sparkle on the floor, the altitude suddenly getting to her. Her face went white wash. "Ouuu, ouuu. Wait that wasn't supposed to happen," she mumbled.

"Jude you okay?" Kristin asked as Jude's face went from regular coloured to pale. "Jude come on let's get you back over by the toilet." Kristin said as she helped her cousin over there.

"No! I'm fine. See…Wheeee!" Jude spun on her heels. Making a complete circle then falling into the wall.

"Ooopppss," Jude said. "My body refuses to work right!" she deciding laughing was against the rules, but crawling wasn't she made her way around their legs and into the next room, finding herself laughing anyway.

"Jude! Get off the floor, what if dad comes in!?" Sadie pulled her to her feet, she suddenly felt spinny headed. "Wheee, I'm free falling," she said before she actually began to fall. Before someone could catch her she landed flat on her butt. "Ow! That hurt!" Jude stood back up with help from Tommy.

"Are you alright Jude?" Tommy asked her. "Yep just ducky, where's the mushrooms?" She asked, launching herself toward the chesterfield, and laying there. Tommy looked. Whew, "please stay laying down Jude, I don't want you to get hurt" He stated, crouching down to see her face. "Your wacked Quincy. I'm fine." She stated.

"Right Jude...You're not fine. You're completely flying." He replied looking at him. "So stay lying down. We don't need you doing anything you're going to regret." He looked at her trying to stay levelheaded. "Those boys are going to regret the day they met Tom Quincy." He muttered under his breath slightly agitated.

"Cool I knew I could fly!" Jude put her arms up into the air. "Vrrooommmmm, Wheeeee!" She fell into a fit of giggled making herself fall right off the chesterfield. "Hey I fell off the floor! Someone help!" She laughed.

He helped her back onto the chesterfield. "Harrison you're a piece of work you know that?" He looked at her. "If you don't stop I might have to find some rope to hold you up on the chesterfield. You cannot fly girl. I carried you. "How much longer till this high wears off he thought to himself.

Jude turned over onto her stomach closing her eyes, everything spun in cyber space, making her body feel on edge real fast. "Whats happening!?" She said a little too loud.

"Your high is coming to an end girl." He replied looking over at her. "Just breathe it through girl." He got up for a minute. "I'm going to go get a bucket. Just sit tight." He walked over to a closet and opened it grabbing a bucket and bringing it to her. "Here." He sat it in front of her.

"I don't feel so gooooddd, make it stop!" Jude whined, covering her face.

"Breathe girl." He said stroking her hair from her face. "You have a bucket here if you need it."

"I don't need a bucket! I think I'm dieing, Tommy I can't breathe! I can't breathe!" Jude grabbed her chest sitting up gasping.

"You're not dying girl; it's the effects of the pot. It's just what happens. You got to just let it run its course." He said.

"No! No, no, Tommy! I can't breathe! I can't!" Jude started to cry.

" Tommy I'm dieing help me!"

"Jude listen to me girl you have to breathe you are not dieing. Just breathe," Tommy looked at Kristin unsure of what to do. "Go get Sadie right now Kris, something is wrong," Tommy's voice shook a bit.

Jude suddenly lurched herself towards the bucket. Not sure what was happening.  
Moving too fast and hitting her head. "Shit! That hurt!" She whined this to Tommy and held her head. "Shit, shit, shit." She continued to repeat this, wanting him to know that she was in pain... well, not serious pain but she felt like she was.

Tommy couldn't help but smirk at how childish the move had been. He rubbed her back, kissing the side of her head. "Ouch! Don't touch it! It wants me dead!" She groaned as if she were talking about a deadly animal. Tommy chuckled softly. "Jude, it's your head. You have to keep it whether you like it or not," he said trying to bust out laughing.

Jude gave him another pout and crossed her arms, shoving the bucket into his hands. "Shut up Tommy I don't want this thing anymore!!" She looked disgusted at the bucket. "It bites!" she refused.

Tommy handed it back to her but watched as she once again pushed it away. "Jude, girl, take the bucket." She hit him, several times, refusing to take it back. A scowl appeared on her face and she fixed him with a stare.  
"Make me."

Sadie and Kristin finally decide to make their presence known laughing at Tommy's struggle with Jude. "She has you won over Quincy!" Sadie said laughing, approaching his side.

He shook his head. "Fine. But when vomit ends up all over the carpet, you can clean it up," he teased. She rolled her eyes, followed by a groan. "I'm not gonna get sick. That bucket is psycho! It has it out for me!!!"

"Jude maybe you should just try getting along with it for a little while," Sadie told her trying to hand it to her once again.

Jude shoved the bucket back at Sadie and crossed her arms. "Why does everyone want me to have the bucket?! Oh, I know. I'll marry the bucket, that way you guys'll be happy." Tommy rolled his eyes, along with Sadie and Kris.

Jude you're so damn stubborn even when you're tripping, listen to me, the only reason we want you to have it is so if you decide to get sick, there isn't a mess." Kristin told her. "Who says I'm going to get sick, you look like a green Popsicle, I don't want the damn thing, isn't that what the washroom is for anyways?" Jude huffed.

Jude you're not in the damn washroom," Sadie made it well known now."

"Well damn, Oh, I guess I'm not! Well I'm not going to be sick, my stomach is happy, it's doing the tango with Mr. Rogers! Now leave it alone!" Jude felt accomplished.

Tommy shook his head, Kristin rolled her eyes, and Sadie laughed. Tommy set the bucket down, tired of arguing over the subject. "Okay, you don't have to use the bucket." He turned around away from her, rubbing his forehead anxiously. "Like talking to a wall," he mumbled under his breath. Jude tapped his shoulder sharply with the nail of her finger, causing him to cringe. "Wanna repeat that?"

Tommy Spun around to face a very pale but standing up Jude. "How did you stand up so quickly? Damn girl, You need to lye back down." Tommy took her arm and sat her back down onto the chesterfield. "Don't argue with me Jude, I'm worried, you know how I get you will not win!" "Fine! But I get the blue ribbon!" Jude giggled, but stopped short when she suddenly felt short of breath again. The feeling overwhelming her body, nausea struck her hard, now she really thought she was dieing.

Tommy looked at her as he watched her face suddenly become pale. He grabbed the bucket from behind him and set it down next to the chesterfield, sitting down on the edge of it next to Jude. "Are you okay, girl? Feel like you're going to get sick?"  
She nodded, grimacing at the burning feeling rising in her throat. "Shoot me please. I'm dying."

"Jude Marry the bucket!" Sadie said as she watched her sister turn completely white wash. "Sadie shut up!" Jude held her temples, "I can't my ears! I can't breathe right Tommy! Mr. Rogers and my stomach are fighting, make it stop!" Jude tried to clutch everywhere at once. Leaning forward she began to cry.

He rubbed her back, smoothing her hair down. He seriously wanted to kill those kids for causing her to be like this. He sighed and pulled her hair out of her face, grabbing the hair wrap from her wrist and pulling it back so she wouldn't throw up on her hair. "Just let it take its toll, Jude. Don't fight it..."

"I can't Tommy, It Hurts!! Why did this happen! Why do I feel so bad! My chest hurts! I think I'm having a heart attack!" Her stomach lurched right as the words came from her mouth.

He shook his head. "You're not gonna have a heart attack, girl. You're feeling this way because this is how the drug reacts when you're coming down from that feeling that makes you feel good. It's called a crash." He rubbed her back continuously, turning to Sadie. "Get a warm washcloth please?" Sadie nodded and walked out of the room, returning a few moments later with the washcloth. She handed it to Tommy and he dabbed Jude's face with it, but she pushed his hands back grimacing. "Stop..."

"I am, I'm dieing I can't stop," Jude started retching out of her control. Trying to get a breath in, only to use it to talk. "Make it stop!" She cried, clutching at her aching stomach.

Tommy's face flushed in worry, and he didn't know what to do. He looked at Sadie and Kristin for some type of help, but they both shrugged, not sure what to do either. He groaned, moving Jude into his arms and picking up the bucket, handing it to her. "Take it girl. We need to get you to the hospital."

Jude grabbed at the bucket but failed, her stomach heaving. She felt like the world was fading around her, seeing through a tunnel, with black edges.

Tommy threw the door open, practically running to the car with Kris and Sadie following less than 5 feet behind. He got into the back of the car, still holding Jude in his arms and tossing the keys to Kristin. "Drive. Fast!" He looked down at Jude as Kristin started the car. "Let it out. Try to stay awake, girl..."

"I can't" she muttered incoherently right before her body fell limp in his arms.

"Jude! Jude wake up girl come on, Open your eyes!," Tommy felt nothing but cold fear run through him, making every hair on his body stand on end. He shook her slightly but nothing.

Tommy frantically felt for her pulse trying to listen to make sure she was still breathing, tears streaked his face. "Jude wake up! Please! Wake up!" He was more than frantic now.

Her body continued to shake like a rag doll from him shaking her as her eyes stayed closed, obviously having no effect. Tommy tried to keep his emotions in check but he was going nuts. "Jude, please, come on..." He felt her pulse again, feeling it racing a mile a minute. "Drive faster!" He cried, though Sadie was already driving 30 kilometres over the speed limit.

"Go faster move!" Sadie sped the car up even more now weaving in and out of traffic, she bit her lip to keep from Crying so she could see. "What's happening Tommy?" Kristin asked. "I can't tell if she's breathing dammit!" He yelled. "Jude! Come on baby!"

"Sadie you have to pull over now!" Kristin yelled. Sadie brought the car quickly to a screeching halt on the side of the road, Kristin jumped out opening Tommy's door. "Lay her on the ground right now, there's no room in there, get on the phone and dial 911 immediately!" Kristin commanded, and Tommy did as he was told, as Kristin scrambled over to Jude's unconscious body, she tried hard to remember her training. Listen for respirations, feel for a pulse. Her entire body trembled as she moved over Jude.

Tommy stood back almost motionless. Fear was taking over his body on what could happen and he didn't know how to react. All he could do was watch as the tears fell down his face. He kneeled down next to her, taking her hand in his as he heard sirens in the distance. "Jude...please baby..."

Suddenly Jude's entire body shook on it own convulsing, then stopping as suddenly as it happened. "Tommy Move! She stopped breathing get out of the way now!" Kristin yelled, positioning Jude so she could administer CPR.


	14. Chapter 14: My Heart Skips An Eternity

Kristin began performing CPR on Jude, as Tommy and Sadie stood motionless, panicking and crying, they couldn't lose her, no not now, not something like this. "Come on Jude! Breathe!" Kristin pleaded as she pumped her chest "Common Jude, baby," Tommy chanted. "I can't be without you Jude, you have to breathe! Jude I'll die without you, you can't leave me." he whispered. Tommy moved back some as the ambulance pulled up, paramedics suddenly rushing around him, taking over CPR, with an am bu-bag, attaching wires to her chest and body. "What happened?" a paramedic asked them. Tommy followed him to tell them what happened as quickly as possible, with this explanation, they began administering injections into her body, to ease the restriction in her throat. "I believe she may have had an allergic reaction to THC, lets get some epinephrine into her. Salumeterol, and attach some oxygen to that am bu bag.

Tommy watched helplessly as they moved quickly around her. Within seconds, she was breathing again, shallowly but it was something. "Okay lets get her in, and to Toronto Memorial Stat, they heard a woman say, in a blink of an eye, they had Jude up onto a gurney, and into the ambulance, as they continued to work her up to breathing on her own completely again. She was still unconscious. Still unaware of the world around her, Tommy began to pray, harder than he'd ever had in his entire life.

Once the bags were attached Tommy jumped in the back of ambulance because he was too upset with himself and shaking to drive. he looked at Sadie and looked at Kristin who was trying to help Sadie get into the car and then got into the driver's side. She knew she'd have to call her uncle from the hospital. Tommy stood there kneeling next to Jude placing his hand on hers looking at her body. "Girl, you're gonna be okay." He whispered a tear streaming down his face shaking some as he silently said a prayer for her. "you cant leave me." He sobbed some looking at the ambulance tenant who was pumping stuff into her system to get her body to stop spazzing out.

Before they knew it, they'd arrived at the hospital with a still very unconscious Jude, Tommy rushed out of the back of the Ambulance as they pushed her through the double doors, he couldn't leave her side, not now not ever. His heart broke when they told him he'd have to wait outside, when they took her into a trauma room. "Female, 18 years of age, Name Jude Harrison, there were no respirations upon arriving at the scene, a family member had administered CPR, said a friend has given her marijuana, looks like it could be a possible THC allergy, The head paramedic, informed the trauma nurses and doctors.

"Okay lets get an IV drip in her, Benedryl, epinephrine, adrenalin, push. Lets get her intubated." Doctors and nurses scurried around her working quickly.

Kristin and Sadie had followed behind the ambulance and found a parking spot getting out of the car they rushed inside the hospital and Kristin rushed to the receptionist. "Jude Harrison was brought here...any information you can give me would be helpful to me right now please." "She's being taken care of you're just going to have to be patient and wait for the doctors to finish up. please have a seat. That's all i can release to you unless you're family." Kristin started to gripe in agitation as she sent Sadie to look for Tommy. Tommy stood there motionless and all his thoughts in his head were screwing with him. He'd never fallen apart like this but because of how in love with Jude he was he couldn't do anything except fall apart. "Tommy?" Sadie called out.

She was shaking profusely because she was so scared for her sister. Tommy looked into the distance hearing and seeing Sadie he rushed to her side. "Tommy...what's going on?" She asked crying and shaking. "I don't know Sadie, an allergic reaction to the drugs. It's going to be alright girl." He pulled Sadie to him kissing the top of her head with his own tears falling down his cheeks. He's going to kill Spied for doing this to her. He was comforting her the best he knew how. Kristin tried to remain composed through this as she tried to get more information from the nurse at the front desk.

Give or take a few minutes, it had been about 20 minutes before a doctor arrived at their side. "Are you here for Jude Harrison?" A female doctor asked. "Yes, yes, we are," Kristin responded first, "I'm here cousin, Sadie is her sister, Tommy is her boyfriend., Whats happened? Is she okay?" Kristin found her voice shaking. The doctor looked at her, "She is stable now, in fact it was an allergic reaction to the chemical compound known as THC, found in Marijuana," The restriction in her throat is easing up, right now we have her intubated, she is in a medicine induced coma, but we will be waking her as soon as the swelling is completely down, and we can take the respirator off. Her body is responding very well to the medications, she's a very lucky girl," Tommy almost hit the floor at these words, thanking god over and over.

"Can we go see her?" He asked. "Yes sure, but one at a time," The doctor smiled before walking away.

Kristin, Tommy and Sadie watched as the female doctor walked away. A few minutes ago they stood bracing them selfs for the worst possible scenarios. It was apparent that it was hitting Sadie and Tommy pretty hard but even more so Kristin. Sure Tommy was in love with Jude and Sadie loved her so much but something about this was hurting Kristin more then the others. She stood there emotionless trying to be strong for her cousins and Tommy. She couldn't fall apart right now not when everyone else needed someone to be strong. Kristin looked at Sadie and Tommy. "You guys can go first. I'm gonna go out and give uncle Stuart a call and let him know what's going on." Kristin looked at them as Sadie nodded. "T-t-tommy you can go first." She said softly.

Kristin had excused herself and walked out of the room and grabbed her cell phone from her pocket once she reached the outside of the building. She flipped open her cell dialing the house knowing uncle Stuart should be home now. Meanwhile Sadie went inside the room and saw Jude. "Jude...come on sis, you've gotta come out of this. You've gotta, I love you.." she said softly looking at Jude who laid there motionless. "Hey Jude, remember the time Dad took us to the park and we both were sitting there with your guitar and I danced while you played all the boys picked on us but we didn't care?" She said smiling some at the memory of their childhood. Sadie placed her hand on Jude's squeezing it gently. She was so scared that she could have lost her baby sister whom she loved dearly.

An hour later:

They had all made their rounds, and Sadie was able to have a second turn at seeing her sister...

Jude's head swam, what was going on? she felt like she'd been run over then slept for a year, her throat felt funny, oh god she couldn't swallow, she began to panic suddenly, her hand moving towards the tube in her throat, monitors, beeped frantically, as her heart raced along with her panic, She gagged violently against the foreign object inside her throat, the next thing Sadie knew she was being ushered out of the room by nurses again. "She's going to be okay, we have to get the tube out of her throat, she woke up on her own, and is resisting the respirator, just let us do our job," The nurse told Sadie, before she ran to join Tommy and Kristin in the waiting room, at first she panicked herself not sure what was going on, she thought with the monitors wailing something bad was happening, until the nurse told her what was going on.

Sadie stood there looking at Tommy. Kristin's phone went off and she looked at the caller id. She saw it was her uncle. "Guys hold on a sec. gotta take this." She said softly. "Sadie, I'm sorry. your dad is calling again." She sighed as she took off for outside again and called him back. tommy looked at Sadie. "What the hell is going on Sadie? why are they rushing around her again?" He asked angrily and frustrated. He didn't mean to snap but he was scared and very pissed off at Spied. He wanted to strangle him so bad because of what he had done to her but he knew right now wasn't the time.

"Sadie wiped at the tears that continued to roll down her face, and smiled slightly, She woke up Tommy, but they have to get the respirator off and calm her down, she freaked and tried pulling it out," Sadie told him, then suddenly grabbed him into a tight hug, "She's okay, she's alright Tommy," She sobbed. Tommy's body shook against her, as he wrapped his arms around her and cried himself, he couldn't help but feel if it weren't for her hugging him, he'd have hit the floor in relief.

Kristin was still outside talking on the phone with her uncle who said he'd be there in a little bit. Kristin couldn't handle being in there right now she wanted to cry but couldn't. This majorly scared her more then she wanted it to. She shook her head trying to get her head straight. Sadie continued hugging Tommy as he looked down at her. "Tommy it's going to be alright " Sadie kept trying to reassure him and herself. He was trembling almost because he still was in shock from this whole thing. "Tommy want some coffee?" Sadie offered as she looked at him. "Tom, you need to calm down because Jude's going to be fine." He nodded as he sat there. "I'm going to be fine." Mr. Harrison was in the parking lot heading towards the entrance. He found Kristin standing outside. "I'm fine, go she needs you!"

Stuart nodded and walked into the hospital finding Sadie and Tommy, he felt breathless. "Where is she!? It took forever to get here, is she okay?" Sadie hugged him, she's okay now dad, they are just taking the breathing tube out, and getting her comfortable. Just as the words left her mouth Jude's nurse approached them to inform them that she was alright, and they could go in and see her now.

Stuart went in quickly with Sadie and Tommy trailing behind him. "Jude?! Jude you alright?" He asked concerned looking down at his little girl. He couldn't understand what had happened. Tommy looked at Stuart then to Jude after entering the room. "Hey girl, how are you feeling?" He asked as he walked towards her placing his hand near hers pulling hers to his lips gently kissing it. "You feeling alright?" Sadie asked as she stood there watched Tommy and her dad stand over her.

Jude nodded, the nurse had told her what happened, once she has asked. They gave her something for the ache in her throat but her voice was still seriously low, from the inflamation. She let her own tears fall, feeling bad about all this, it was all her fault, she'd scared them all half to death, over wanting to not feel? She was always screwing something up. She thanked god that he had spared her once again, apparently she had some sort of purpose here. She grabbed ahold of Tommy not caring if she pulled her IV, and held him to her tightly. "I'm so sorry," She whispered. "Listen Jude, baby don't go blaming yourself, I'm just so glad your okay," He told her, holding onto the hug, with the need to feel her. "I love you Jude, I'm so glad you're okay, I don't know what I would do without you," Tommy cried into her. He would never take another second for granted that he had with her, life was definitely too precious to play games. He loved her, more than anything on this earth, and he'd walk to the edge and back if it meant making her happy, he would die for her.

Jude continued to hold him tightly. "I know. I love you too." She whispered softly as she closed her eyes not wanting to let go. He held on to her gently not wanting to squeeze the air from her lungs. she needed her rest. "Jude do you want me to get you something?" He asked as he rubbed her back kissing the top of her head holding her in his arms. Sadie stood there watching the two of them as well as their father. Stuart was so worried about Jude but once he saw she was alright he walked over to her. "Honey it's going to be okay, Promise. Love you Kiddo." He kissed her forehead when she pulled away from Tommy briefly.

A few hours later and the closest call of her life Jude was stable enough to go home as long as she was watched for signs of recurring allergy symptoms, she was put on medications to help keep it from happening, she was so glad to be at home in her own bed again, laying next to Tommy, even if everyone was in and out checking on her...she was given another chance at life, another chance to make music, another chance to be in love, something that hung in the balance mere hours ago.

Tommy looked at Jude kissing her forehead holding her in his arms close to him. she looked so beautiful to him. He loved her and was so happy that she was by his side. no more games, no more fooling around he wanted to make it clear to her that he wanted her and only her. He smiled as he kissed her cheek and her neck. "I love you Jude." He said softly. "I love you too," She replied softly, before falling asleep comfortable in his arms.


	15. AN

A/N

I am really sorry it has taken so long to give you an update on this story and the others. Unfortuneatly I have had some problems with my health as of recent that has prevented me from doing so. I am hoping to have something out soon as for a new chapter. Thanks for all the wonderful feedback! I'll work on writing :D 


	16. Chapter 15: I Don

-  
A/N a pretty long update for a very long time without posting...please let me know if I am way to detail oriented, I have detail issues I'm not quite sure why...so if its way to detailed in anyway let me know...I may have to post this in halves...

Chapter: I Don't Want To Miss A Thing

Jude awoke with a slight sense of confusion, she'd had a hard time getting to sleep last night without Tommy next to her. She'd suddenly felt extremely anxious of him not being there, and spent half the night trying to distract herself and giving up. Then the later half staring at the ceiling and thinking, until she'd finally fallen into a fitful sleep around dawn. She sat up quickly scanning the room for Tommy presence and was disappointed when she found she'd only been dreaming and he was not there. She pulled the blankets up to her shoulders not sure if she wanted to wake up completely yet or not. She closed her eyes and found herself drifting back to sleep.

Tommy woke up on the chesterfield the next morning of Jude's house and rubbed his eyes then yawned. He had spent the night with her to make sure she was okay. He sat up and scratched his back and proceeded to get off the chesterfield walking towards the kitchen and grabbed himself a cup of coffee. He had yet to see Jude awake and decided to go upstairs and check on her. He had the cup of coffee in his hand and walked upstairs. It was quarter to 8 A.M. and they had to be at the studio about 9 AM. He walked into her room knocking on the door. "Jude?"He called out as he opened the door. He walked over towards her bed and saw she was still asleep. She looked so beautiful when she was asleep. He hovered over top of her for a brief while as he awaited her to wake up.

Jude must have felt him in the room because she began to stir suddenly opening her eyes, jumping slightly when she realized he was in the room with her. A smile found her sleepy features as she outstretched her arms inviting him to lay next to her.

He smirked as he looked down at her arms and her sleepy but cute smile. He shook his head. "Harrison, you gotta wake up baby." He set the coffee down and leaned down to kiss her gently on the lips. "You gotta get in the shower and get ready to go to the studio." He smiled at her being eye level with her. ⌠Cant I just call in sick today?■ she asked pulling the blankets up again.

"Unless you have a fever of 101 I don't think so girl." He shook his head and laughed. "Why...are you sick or do you just want some Tommy time?" He raised his eyebrows sitting down next to her. "Cause I could probably arrange for us to get out early....maybe do some recording outside of the studio?" He winked. "What if I rather just stay here in this warm bed with a warm Tommy next to me,"Jude said pulling him down by his shirt into the bed next to her, and moved to snuggle up into his arms.

He smirked some as he felt her pulling him down next to her and snuggling up into his arms. "I have no objections..." He kissed the top of her head holding her close to him. "I think that can be arranged. It's about time we had a day to ourselves. We've been working hard on the new album." He smiled. "So you have me to yourself all day long....what are the plans?" He whispered.

⌠This■ Jude leaned into him and kissed him softly at first then wrapping her arms around him kissing him a bit more deeply, and hungrily than the second before. It felt so good to have him and to kiss him, that sometimes she never wanted to stop, it was like every thought, and every moment, existed in a whole different reality other than this sometimes. She lived and breathed her love for him, and now it seemed like all her dreams finally were beginning to fall into place piece by piece.

"And by this you mean...what?..." He asked feeling her kiss him and he kissed her back slowly but passionately sliding his tongue into her mouth to deepen the kiss and began to caress her sides with his hands as they kissed. He smiled inside to himself. "Mmm" he groaned as they kissed. He ran his one hand up on the back of her head and began to run his fingers through her hair for a few moments. Her kisses were Quincy Kryptonite. Red licorice took a second runner up but nothing not even red licorice could measure up to her kisses.

Jude moved her hand up the side of his shirt, curiously feeling the soft skin on his back and side, running her fingers in slow circles. She felt her heart speed up double as a feeling she'd never felt before enveloped her entire body. Sending electric like currents through her loins. She felt his lips touch her neck and suddenly the need to be closer to him was almost unbearable.

He continued to kiss and nibble on her neck causing her to moan involuntarily. He moaned with her feeling her fingers dance along his skin. her touch was so gentle and soft. he slowly laid her down on her back and rolled over top of her and continued to kiss on both sides of her neck and slowly ran his hand along the edge of her shirt and along the waistband of her pajama pants.

Jude felt her breath hitch in her throat, knowing where this was going. This would be her first time, Jude trusted Tommy completely, but suddenly she was afraid she wouldn't satisfy him, or she'd be horrible. Her body responded to him with such intensity, something she'd never felt in her entire life.

He continued to kiss her neck slowly sliding his hand up her shirt but then could sense that she was nervous. He kept his hand in place before pulling away. "Jude...."He whispered to her. "Do you want....this to stop?" He asked her. He truly cared about her more then anything most girls he wouldn't even give it another thought but Jude was different. She was special to him. He felt his growing arousal through his pants as she shifted beneath him and felt her hips slightly raising against him. He continued to look at her. "We don't have to do anything you're not ready for...."

⌠Tommy I am ready for this, I've never been more ready. I've just..never felt...I don't know if I know how to do it right...I mean I know how It's done just I've never done it...■ Jude lost her words as she felt his touch move up her shirt and connect with the sensitive tissue of her breast. ⌠Oh god that feels so good,■ Jude moaned as he caught her into another breathless kiss.

His fingers found her nipple through the satin of her bra, pinching it slightly and causing her to almost stop breathing from the immediate shocks of arousal the shot through her body. ⌠You sure about this Jude?■ He asked. She nodded, her approval, her flushed face telling him everything he needed to know. Tommy Sat up grabbing at the hem of her shirt, and pulling it up over her head, leaving her hair a tousled mess, that made her even more beautiful to him. He watched in awe as she reached around her back and unsnapped her bra, letting it fall down her shoulders to reveal her breasts to him.

He looked down at her and smiled. "Girl you look so beautiful." He whispered as he leaned his head down close to hers and kissed her gently. He smiled against her lips as they continued to kiss and his hands ran up and down her sides. his left hand found its way back towards her left breast as he massaged it gently. He slowly removed his mouth from hers and moved down her neck slowly and gently heading down towards her collarbone placing soft and gentle kisses on it . "Let me know if I'm going to fast." he said huskily as he continued kissing down her collarbone and towards her breasts.

⌠Not to fast...■ She rasped feeling his mouth envelope her breast and that was the end of her control, ⌠Oh God!,■ She moaned moving her hands up through his hair then pulling his shirt up and off quickly. She needed to feel him everywhere, her urge uncontrollable in this moment, this man was a God, and he was all hers. She ran her fingers gently down her back, her breath hitching as his mouth found places she'd never been touched by another before.

Tommy let his hand glide slowly down her stomach and to the waist band of her pyjama pants. He waited for her response before he continued and slowly began to slide his hand down them making sure to take his time and make sure she was comfortable with this. Feeling the lace of her panties and running his hand over the front of them to tease her slightly. He was going to warm her up before he did anything else.. He continued teasing her through her panties and slowly began to kiss down her stomach. Being careful to take his time, he wanted this moment to last forever and be unforgettable for her.

Jude let her head fall back against the pillow, breathing heavily as he took her places she'd only dreamed of with him. She felt him tug on her pants, slowly removing them to reveal only her purple lacy panties, Dear Lord she was so beautiful, how in heaven and hell did he get so damn lucky. He moved next to remove her gotchies, tracing his way with gentle finger tips, just grazing her skin enough to leave goose flesh onto her entire body.

He slowly started to trace around her gently and slowly began to insert a finger inside her a little bit as he moved his mouth down her stomach slowly and sensually. He began to tease her clit awaiting her reaction he felt her hands rake his hair. He loved it when she ran her fingers through her hair. He felt her back arch some as the waves of pleasure seemed to race through her body. "That feel good baby?" he asked awaiting her reaction. He reach his mouth and kissing down her inner thigh moving with slow precision. He was making sure to take his time to make her comfortable with this new level in their relationship it was definitely new for him and her the first time needing to the best time of her life

Jude felt heat spread over her body, causing her to become dizzy with pleasure, a sense of belonging in this very moment. When she felt his tongue touch her she almost lost it, her eyes closed tightly and her hips bucking begging for more, she thought shed pass out as his tongue moved over her sensitive nub pleasure shot through her. ⌠Oh god! Tommy! Feels so good!■ She moaned. She grabbed the bedsheets into tight fists, holding on for dear life, he knew he was taking her for the ride of her life now, she responded to his every touch with such intensity he was in awe of the moment. They hadn't got far, and this was by far the best he'd ever felt. Tommy used his free hand to hold onto her hip, gently pinning her to the bed, looking up for a moment, her face red from flush. He'd never seen such beauty in his entire life, it almost brought tears to his eyes. He moved down on her wanting to make her feel like she was in a whole other world.

He continue to delve his tongue deeper within her as her muscles continued to tighten and release. He traced his tongue against her increase the pleasure and the look upon her face. A little trick of the trade was to trace the alphabet against her. so he began to traces various letters within her. He grinned as she began to moan and writhe at his ministrations. He nibbled lightly on her mixing the right amount of pain and pleasure. "You like that?" he asked pulling away briefly. He removed his free hand from her hip and up to pinch her nipples lightly. He felt her muscles tensing up some. "Cum for me girl." He moaned against her.

⌠Ohhhh Goddddd!! Tommy!!! Keep going!!■ She moaned thrusting her hips toward him then freezing as her entire abdomen tensed up causing her to scream out again, he kept going knowing where she was, and at that moment her entire world rocked and shattered into kaleidoscope view around her. Her body shaking with the intensity of her first orgasm. When her world finally came back into view, she looked up seeing Tommy's face above her, smiling she pulled him down on top of her. ⌠I love you Quincy...■ She said before pushing him back and down against the bed covering his mouth in a hungry kiss that left him completely breathless. The feeling of her body on top of him was out of this world. This may be her first time but it felt like it was his first time all over again, She was like an angel, something he held above all else. It felt almost to good to be true. He felt her move away from his lips, straddling his hips, she used her fingertips to graze up and down his sides and stomach. She watched him in fascination. She'd never forget this moment, the look of pure honest love on his face. She wanted to lasso it and keep it forever.

Jude shivered feeling his hips buck up toward her, she moved down pulling his loose sweats and boxers with her, she looked up moving her fingers tips softly up his thighs and around below his belly button. And back to his thighs she watched him twitch slightly smiling she moved back up his body, not meaning to torture him, she'd just never knew how beautiful he was, well she did, just incomprehensible to her now.

Tommy felt chills run down his spine, as she pulled him into another kiss, he moved her to his side, laying her back against the bed once more, trying to gain control of his body, he placed small kisses over her collar bone and back down to her breasts nibbling slightly at her nipples, his hand found her apex again fondling her slightly before he moved between her legs, Jude wrapped her legs around him, as he slowly slid into her, She squeezed her eyes shut tightly her body rigid at first. She felt him move within her and suddenly the pain was replaced with an intense pressure, and pleasure. She began to move with him, feeling out of breathe, ⌠Faster please,■ she gasped, hadn't not completely come down from before made it all the more profound. She felt his lips touch at her breast again, assaulting her senses. Her hips bucked up to his faster now, creating more friction.

He continued to move his hips in fluid motion with hers. "Ohh god." he groaned as he began to pick up the pace thrusting deeper into her.. "mmm baby." He moaned. He continued thrusting in her loving the feeling of when she clenched her muscles around him. The feeling of this was like ecstasy to him. It was for all men but more pleasurable for him because he was so deeply in love with her that this first time was going to be the best experience she had ever had in her entire life. She felt so amazing to him. "thats it baby." he groaned. He switched his mouth to the other breast and began to nibble on the nipple Before letting go, he grabbed hold of her hips, thrusting faster into her.

Jude threw her head back suddenly, her hips surging up to meet his as he suddenly began to pound into her faster, harder, she felt herself tighten around him then suddenly let loose crying out ⌠Oh Tommy! Harder! I love you! I love you! Oh god!,■ Now this was making love. She felt him tense up quickly, pausing for a second then pounding hard into her once again, causing her entire body to tense up all over again, and back over the edge she went but this time he met her, thrusting into her hard one last time then letting go, completely moaning loudly. ⌠Oh god Jude! So Good! I love you baby!■ He slowly let go of her, then moved to her side pulling her with him and into his arms.

He held her close and gently stroked her hair and played with it. "How do you feel?" He asked her noticing a glow about her that she looked beautiful. "You look gorgeous girl." He smiled at her kissing her forehead snuggling with her. "Is this how you wanted to spend the day?" he chuckled some joking with her. He looked deeply into her eyes.

Jude giggled. ⌠Maybe not exactly as planned but definitely better than I planned, god Tommy that was amazing!■ Jude closed her eyes, taking in his scent, she could stay her forever. She let her head rest on his chest, hearing his heartbeat lulled her, she let her eyes close feeling comfortable and safe within his arms.

He smiled at Jude who was nestled in his arms safe and sound just as she should be. "I could stay awake just to hear you breathing, watch you smile while you are sleeping, while you're far away and dreaming, and I could spend my life in this sweet surrender, I could stay lost in this moment forever, every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure, I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall asleep cause id miss you babe, and i don't wanna miss a thing, cause even when I dream of you the sweetest dream will never do and I'd still miss you babe and I don't wanna miss a thing." he sang to her as she was slowly falling asleep.

3 weeks later.

Tommy groaned as he felt the light hit his eyes from outside the window. It seemed so early, especially for the sun to be shining so brightly into Jude's bedroom window. He pulled the dark coloured blanket over his head in hopes of finding redemption in more sleep for a few more hours but after a few restless minutes, he gave up and let out another groan, though he was made sure it was softer that before as he could hear Jude snoring softly next to him.

He moved the blanket down from over his face, looking over at Jude. Her body was craddled up next to his, with her head buried in the crook between his shoulder and his chest. Everything about her essence when she was sleeping was so sweet and innocent, he couldn't help but love her for it.

He looked to the window, letting out a yawn as the sun glared down on the CDs of her entertainment system. He squinted, running a had through his sleep matted hair as he moved over a bit, trying not to disturb Jude from her sleep. No one was in the house, which gave him the bright idea of giving her breakfast in bed with all her favourites. With that, he snuck down to the kitchen in nothing more than boxers and a thermal shirt, grabbing a pan out of the cupboard next to the stove. He set it on top of the larger front burner.

He made his way to the fridge, grabbing a few eggs out of the holder and cracking them into a glass cup. He stirred them up a bit before pouring them into the skillet and letting them cook a bit before he scrambled them up and let them cook a bit longer before moving them into a bowl. He moved to the fridge and grabbed a package of turkey bacon, setting it on the counter. He quickly ripped it open and set a few pieces into the skillet before rinsing his flopper off from the scrambled eggs and then moved back to the stove, grabbing a plate out of the cabinet above to set the bacon on when it was finished cooking.

Tommy placed the food onto a tray along with some coffee, which was vital to Jude, and made his way back up the stairs slow and steady, smiling at the thought of giving her breakfast in bed. He moved the door slowly open making sure not to spill anything on the tray, and made his way into his sleeping beauty. Setting the tray on the stand, he moved to wake her gently.

⌠Jude baby, Time to get up,■ He whispered placing small kisses by her ear. She stirred opening her eyes a crack. ⌠I don't want to...■ She responded sleepily.

Tommy pouted, shaking her shoulder lightly once more. ⌠I made you something special,■ he purred softly into her ear, smiling. He placed a light kiss on her temple, holding her hand in his as he watched her eyes open in curiosity. ⌠I made you breakfast in bed, baby.■

Jude grimaced as her eyes opened and she took a whiff of the room, shaking her head as a hand flew to her mouth. ⌠Tommy, I'm so sorry. It just...Ew!■ She brought the blankets up to her face and he frowned, shaking his head. He reached up, feeling her forehead and his face contorted into a confused expression when he sense a fever. ⌠I'll take it back downstairs,■ he spoke sadly. Jude nodded and he watched as he retreated out of the room back downstairs. He set the tray on the counter, taking a sip of the orange juice.

He grabbed a bucket out of the cupboard, wanting to be safe. Even if she wasn 't running a fever right now, that didn't mean it couldn't happen later.

As he walked into the bedroom his face still held a pout from the failed attempt to be romantic. Jude shook her head at him. ⌠Don't be sad....Dance, monkey boy, dance!!!■ She giggled, shaking her head as she remembered something Speid had mentioned while she'd been in the hospital from THC poisoning...after Tommy nearly killed him.  
Tommy's furrowed his brow, shaking his head. ⌠Wha? Jude what the hell are you talking about?■

She pouted, feeling tears sprout her eyes. ⌠You're mad at me. I'm sorry, Tommy. I wasn't trying to upset you. I'm so so sorry!!!■

Tommy rushed to her, shaking his head. ⌠No girl, I■m not mad at you. No, no, no...■He wiped her tears away, kissing her forehead. ⌠I■m sorry girl. I didn't mean to make you cry.■ He smiled sadly, nuzzling his nose with hers. ⌠I'm so sorry.■

⌠No it's okay, I'm sorry, I'm just not feeling well, and you went through all this trouble to have a romantic morning and I ruined it! I'm so sorry Tommy...■ Jude trailed off almost feeling her face go whitewash. She thought maybe she'd try but even the thought of eggs made her feel worse. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly and hid her head under the blankets, almost as if she could hide from the feeling.

He shook his head, pulling the blanket back down so that she was looking at him. ⌠No, Jude, its okay. Its okay girl...■ He moved her out from under the blankets. ⌠Maybe a hot bubble bath will make you feel better. Would you like to try that?■

Following her nod, he exited the room and walked into the washroom, starting a hot bath. He decided to go for odourless bubble bath, figuring it'd be best for her if she really was sick. He poured a generous amount into the bath and smiled as it filled rather quickly.

He retreated back to the bedroom, lifting Jude into his arms and carrying her to the washroom, careful that she didn't smack her head on the door frame. He settled her on the toilet seat and helped her to undress, turning off the tap in between so that the tub wouldn't over flow once she'd gotten in. When she was completely rid of her clothes, he lifted her and moved her into her bed, settling her in the wash basin. He kissed the side of her head, taking her hand in his his as he moved shut the light off. He grabbed the big lighter off the top shelf and lit various candles around the room so that it'd be a bit of a calmer setting. ⌠That make you feel any better?■

Jude shook her head feeling like she ruined everything, she wanted to cry once again not sure why. ⌠I need to get out, the warmth is making me feel worse,■ Jude sat up quickly, and climbed out of the tub, and into the towel he had awaiting for her. Feeling shaky she dried her skin, and dressed quickly before making a bee-line back for the bed. She felt terrible he'd think that none of his attempts were helping, but just the fact that he cares helps. She pulled the blankets up over her shoulders thanking god her hair hadn't gotten wet, and closed her eyes. Her throat felt weird, she swallowed hard and began tried to will the feeling away. She tried to imagine something else, maybe a diversion, yeah thats right, dialectical behavioural therapy for the brain. Diverting your mind from the problem, but why wasn't it working! Jude shivered slightly, and moved to curl up into the fetal position.

Tommy shook his head, rubbing her hair back. He felt bad that nothing he was doing was making her feel better. He stood after a minute and walked to the washroom, blowing out the candles and draining the tub. Afterwards, he finally took he time to get dressed, pulling on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. He sat down on the bed next to Jude once her was done, rubbing her back soothingly. ⌠Is there anything you want? Anything I can get you?■ He wished there was something he could do to make her feel better yet it seemed all his remedies were coming up to be useless. When she only answered him with a shake of her head, he exhaled heavily, thinking for a moment.

⌠Leme get you some water.■ He spoke softly and soothingly, rubbing her hair back for a bit longer before he walked out of the room and down the stairs. He walked into the kitchen and moved the food he'd made for breakfast into the fridge before getting a glass of water for her. He put a few ice cubes into it so that it would be cold and then walked back upstairs, sitting down next to Jude. ⌠Here. Have some water.■

Jude sat up slowly, grimacing as her stomach continuing to turn, but she felt like she should try, if only to make him feel better, so she sat up and took the glass, sipping it slowly before pushing it back, swallowing it slowly. ⌠I'm sorry, Tommy. I'm so sorry. I just feel so nauseous....■ He shook his head, rubbing her back. ⌠No need to be sorry girl. You're not feeling well. That's not your fault.■ He smiled sadly, kissing her forehead softly. ⌠If anything, I'm sorry. Making that breakfast probably only made it worse.■

Jude shook her head, kissing his lips softly. ⌠No, Tommy. I'm sorry. Its our day off and you had all those plans for today....I'm so sorry,■ she spoke softly, trying keep from breaking down again. ⌠God, what the fuck is up with my emotions this morning!?■ She groaned, throwing herself dramatically back onto the bed. ⌠Pfft.■

The movement caused her stomach to roll, her eyes getting wide she clamped her mouth shut and let herself curl back into a fetal position. She felt like such a huge baby now. He must think she was pathetic. So much for their day off, so much for breakfast, so much for Tommy time, she felt like her emotions got in the way of everything before now, and now her body wanted to join and get in the way? How fair was that, getting frustrated she put the pillow up over her head, embarrassed by her loss of control on her tears, ⌠What the hell is wrong with me?■ she said from under the pillow her voice sounding muffled. She hated not being in control of her own body, she hated losing control it scared her actually, she wasn't sure why, but she felt like she should be able to control her own life, her own body, and when it betrayed her she hated it.

She moved the pillow from her head feeling slightly dizzy, and her chest felt too light 'Oh dear lord' She sat up trying to focus on things around her, hoping it would just stop before she started crying all over again.

Tommy shook his head, wanting to do something for her before he himself started crying from seeing her in all this misery. It was unfair to her and he didn't know what he could or should do to make it better. ⌠Girl. Maybe just sipping at the water and staying still....■ He shrugged, not quite sure what to say to her, considering he wasn't exactly sure what was wrong with her. He couldn't fix something that he didn't know how to.

Jude groaned pulling her knees to her chest. She held her tears forcefully behind her eyes, willing herself that she wouldn't cry. She wouldn't be sick. Nope nope nope. Denial made things go away sometimes. This could be one of those times. Her stomach churned sickeningly as she sat there though,

Suddenly she felt like her chest was weighted and her throat felt tight that could only mean one thing, she moved from the bed feeling like she was moving in slow motion and made her way into the washroom, this was hopeless she thought, she wasn't supposed to feel sick on their day off, some other things would feel much better at this moment, she could think of countless possibilities that were better than this...

She swallowed hard kneeling in front of the toilet, her surroundings only making her feel worse, it was almost like her body had hyper senses suddenly, and her body was saying beep beep beep. She let her head fall into her hands, supporting herself with her elbows on the toilet seat and waited.

Tommy followed quickly after her, kneeling down next to her. He rubbed her back, trying to calm her, as he could see she felt like she was about to be sick. ⌠Its okay girl. Just breathe...■

Jude shook her head as her voice shook. ⌠No, no, no. Its not okay, its not. I feel really really sick Tommy, make it stop, make it stop!■ Tears began to roll down her cheeks as she clutched her stomach with one arm. He shook his head wanting to do anything to make her feel better, but still he wasn't sure what it was.

⌠Jude baby, just breathe. It'll be okay. Just let it out....■ He tried to be calming for her, hoping that it would make her feel better and that she would get through it. But in then next moment she lurched forward as her stomach tightened, and she heaved, shaking hard as she threw up. Tommy held her hair out of the way, rubbing her entire back as she did. He was willing to do anything and everything he could to make her feel better, no matter what. ⌠Breathe baby...■ He spoke softly as she moved back away from the toilet bowl a few moments later, shaking her head as tears rolled down her cheeks in sheer fear and sickening pain. ⌠I hate this...■

She lurched back over the toilet one more time throwing up the rest of whatever had been left, and felt significantly better except the taste and soreness the nausea disappeared. She reached up flushing the toilet and moving to rinse her mouth. She felt strange she'd never felt better after being sick before. This was different somehow, oh well, she just prayed that it would last. ⌠I'm sorry Tommy,■ she apologized again.

He shook his head, rubbing her back. ⌠You don't have to be sorry, girl. There's absolutely not reason to need to be sorry,■ he spoke softly. ⌠Let me get your water so you can rinse your mouth out.■

He walked back into the bedroom grabbing her glass of water off the stand. He flipped on the TV to check the time before walking back into the bedroom, letting the TV talk to an empty room

Jude took the water glass from Tommy, sipping it again slowly. She swished the water around in her mouth for a bit before she spit it back out into the toilet bowl and flushed, leaning against the wall. Tommy sat down next to her, placing his hand on her knee. ⌠You okay girl, or you feeling like you might be sick again?■

⌠Actually no I feel a lot better but I'm just making sure first, I think I'm okay now,■ Jude said moving to stand and return to her bed so she could rest for a little bit. She pulled the blankets down and climbed under them feeling a little tired but a lot better. She moved to look at the TV catching the end of the weather report calling for thunderstorms. Well that was cool they were always soothing to her. She quirked an eyebrow not even sure why she was interested in the television, but not like she could do much else at the moment.

Tommy sat down next to her, though she wasn't really listening to him as they continued to go on about things going on in the news and so forth. As the TV went to commercial, an EPT commercial came on, and still she was oblivious to Tommy as her brain wandered off into some other unknown, suddenly thinking about everything going on in her life. They'd been having sex for three weeks now. And her monthly usually came on....-

⌠Jude?! Jude? Whats wrong, girl?■ Tommy was snapping his fingers in front of her face, trying to get her attention to get her to focus. She shook her head blinking quickly a few times before she finally looked at him.

⌠I, uh...sorry, what?■ She ran a hand into her hair, biting her bottom lip. The EPT commercial ended and led into a Gerber graduates baby commercial. Her hand ran into her hair and she shook her head, struggling to hold in a scream. Tommy grabbed her hands, pulling them out.

⌠Whats wrong, girl.■ His gaze moved back and forth between her eyes, trying to figure out what was going on in her head.

⌠I uh....I think....I,...I...Th- the TV. It...EPT. Gerber. Diapers. Baby!!!■ Jude rambled on and on, trying to get the words out correctly. ⌠I think. I- no, I know. I. I don't know!!!■ Her hands climbed to hair again, shaking her head. ⌠Nausea, puking, missed monthly. C'mon Tommy, you're smart!!!!■

Tommy pulled her hands out of her hair with a big smirk on his face as he did. ⌠Jude...are you pregnant?■

She let out a big sigh, smiling with a hopeful look. ⌠I think so....■ 


	17. Chapter 16: Is This Real

Chapter 16: Is this real?

Jude fell into step next to Tommy looking down at her feet, they'd just left the doctors office, her first official prenatal visit. Dr Sue had advised her to start taking them promtly. "So what's the plan now?" Jude asked Tommy squinting into the sun. The blood was definitely positive, they'd done an ultrasound to be sure, and sure enough she was only 5 weeks along but she was definitely pregnant. Guess them home tests are pretty accurate. Jude would be lieing if she said she wasn't scared out of her mind right looked to Tommy hoping he'd say something, he'd been way to quiet.

Tommy shifted his weight not really knowing what to say. He couldn't believe it. Where they ready? Was he ready? He was excited but also scared at the same time. "Well the plan now would be to work on getting things ready for the baby......."He trailed off. "Are you okay girl?" He asked her giving her a soft smile and pulling her towards him and kissing her forehead. "I love you Baby."

"I-I love you too Tommy, I'm just...scared. I guess, but isn't it a bit early to get things ready. I mean they say its a curse if you do things to early. I don't..I don't know Tommy.I haven't had the chance to think about anything. How we are going to make this work. I mean I'm sure we can just how. With my album and all, touring, how do you go on tour pregnant? how do we tell everyone. I feel dizzy..." Jude was overwhelmed..."Tommy?"

He looked at her and walked with her to a bench and pulled her down on his lap. "Girl, it'll be ok. We will make this work. Tour will have to be postphoned for a while right now We've got a baby to worry about. Your album will still get done. We will tell them when the time is right. " He leaned down and kissed her and then her forehead. "Everything will be alright. Let's just take alittle while to take this in. It's a big deal and very exciting." he smirked.

"You're right this is a big deal! and Tommy we can't cancel the tour I've been waiting on this my whole life! i'm only five weeks along! Jude started to hyperventilate! she was more in shock, as she watched the smirk on Tommy's face disappear. "A big big deal Tommy, big big, big big, what...I don't." Tears formed in her eyes, they needed to get away from the clinic before the poparazzi caught them. Jude stood and walked briskly to the car wiping the tears off her face leaveing Tommy paces behind her.

He walked behind her feeling horrible at the mere thought of postphonening this world tour she'd only been dreaming about since she started recording. He got into the driver's seat after helping her into the porsche. He looked at his wife tried to calm her. "Jude, breathe. breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth." he said looking at her. "Keep trying to breathe." he said as he started the car. "In through your nose and out through your mouth." He knew they would have to have the conversation about tour with her again when she was more calm. She needed to be calm especially for the baby.

Jude did as was said and somehow calmed herself a bit as Tommy latched his belt started the car and drove off before they could be seen. She needed to think in the moment, and only the moment for now, not ten thousand steps ahead of herself. Everything one step at a time, one hurdle one shock at a time. A Baby...wow...she was going to be a mom...

Tommy grabbed her hand and kissed it as he drove home. "It'll all work out. I promise it will work out."He stated calmly and soothingly. "For right now it's a good idea for us to just kinda let this sink in. We'll talk about what we need to do and say when the time comes." After about 25 minutes of driving they pulled into their driveway and he put the car in park and removed the key from the ignition.

Jude looked up to see a familar car parked in the driveway..."Oh great..." she thought. explain galavanting whilst missing work now to the one person she couldn't lie to, well second...Sadie...

Tommy looked and saw Sadie's car in their driveway. He shut his eyes. "You ready girl?" he asked softly kissing her cheek.

"As I'll ever be." She squeezed his hand and opened her door, getting out. She had to look sick enough, she felt it enough.

"Where were you two lovebirds off too, missing work?" Sadie smiled. "We took Jude to the doctor, Tommy said not looking at her. He wasn't a good liar to the Harrison sisters, not at all anymore. Jude unlocked the door and let them in, Kwest followed from the passenger seat of Sadies car.

"The doctor Jude? are you alright?" Sadie asked. Jude sat down still feeling a little lightheaded, She'd missed breakfast. Probably not the best idea, but who ever said nausea would be either. "I'm fine Sades actually. I have something to tell you but you have to promise to keep this between us four or I swear I'll hunt you down I know where you live, work, eat, and sleep," Jude was serious. Sadie looked at her curiously. "I'm pregnant..." Jude trailed off waiting for her sister to start yelling but instead she heard a squeel of glee and felt her sisters arms envelope her shocked form.

Tommy heard Sadie's squeal and was almost shocked. He had been certain he'd get some kind of lecture about taking responsibility for his actions and the like."Can I get you ladies anything?" Tommy asked as he stood between the kitchen and the diningroom He shifted his weight as he toyed with the ear pieces of his sunglasses.

"Jude you're not going to believe this but I came here to tell you the same thing! I'm pregnant also Jude oh my god!" Sadie could radiate light and glow if it were humanly possible at this very moment. Jude looked at her shocked. "For real Sadie?"..."For real Jude 6 weeks along" Sadie finished.

Jude looked at her, "I'm only 5 weeks but oh wow, this is...this is a shock! Sadie! wow..." She didn't know what else to say, she was going to be a mom and an aunt around the same time...and they were going to be pregnant together...

Tommy's eyes widened. Kwest and Sadie are going to have a baby now too. This was certainly an unexpected surprise though he was convince Kwest would make an amazing dad but he wasn't so sure about himself. He hadnt had much of anything resembling a family in so long. "Congratulations Sades." He walked over towards Sadie and hugged her. "Have you been thinking about names at all?" he asked curiously.

"It's a little early for that" Sadie and Jude said in unison..."don't want to curse it"...The two girls looked at eachother then laughed. Tommy shook his head, what had their mother told them growing up, he'd never known Jude had a superstitious side, let alone Sadie. both skeptics in their own right...This could be a battle, and a real long 8 months...This could do some permanent damage to his ego...this could also be the best moments of his life....

Sadie looked at Tommy. "Guess he's not a very supersticious one is he?" She asked Jude jokingly. Tommy sighed. Now he was even more nervous because He wasnt sure that he could two pregnant womaen under one rough. He saw "Father of the bride 2" and knew exactly what happened "God please let me come out of this a better man and father" he mouthed super quietly so that Jude didnt see him.

A few hours later...

Jude lightly ran her hands over the keys of the piano before she started playing...a song that'd been in her head for days now. She was alone indeed, maybe she could get it out of her. She let her fingers play like a second nature, and began to sing...

Oooh

What happened? Why didn't I listen to myself I thought I'd know how to handle it But I didn't

So confused Where I stand Do I stand alone With each individual

This is not me I used to be so strong Now I feel weak This is not me I never said that it was I didn't like it because I lost my way This is not me You know that it's true And I'd be lying to you just to convince myself This is not me

What happened? Why didn't I speak up at the time I thought I'd know what was going on But I didn't So confused where I stand Do I stand alone With each individual This is not me I used to be so strong Now I feel weak This is not me I never said that it was I didn't like it because I had lost my way

This is not me You know that it's true And I'd be lying to you just to convince myself This is not me

Whoo oooh yeah Hey yeah

So confused where I stand Do I stand alone Someone tell me Cause this is not me If I said that it was, I didn't like it because I had lost my way This is not me, you know that it's true I'd be lying to you just to convince myself

This is not me

She felt like she had, some thoughts recently surfaced and scared her, now scared the daylights out of her now that she was pregnant...

She looked at the studio space in front of her, somethign she and Tommy had build together at the Practice space, it was amazing for her, a place she could get lost inside herself.

Tommy had been standing in the doorway quietly listening to Jude sing. He knew that just by those lyrics that this was something he still knew she would feel by herself partially because he wasnt able to experience what it was like to be bearing a child and going through all the changes though he would do his best to help in anyway that he possibly could help. He knocked on the wall. "Hey girl...." he said trying not to startle her. "How's the writing going?" he asked curiously as he walked into the space.

Jude almost jumped from her skin at the sound of his voice...feeling a bit fragile in the moment it almost brought her to tears but she laughed instead. "Eh? ummm...it's okay...what are you doing?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to see how you were doing? I wanted to make sure you were ok." he stated walking up beside her wrapping his arms around her and kissing her forehead. He knew she probably needed time to herself and he completely understood that.

"I'm okay actually Tommy, just kinda taking this all in, it's different. I feel different, this may just be the most amazing moments of our lives Tommy, but I don't and won't stop this tour unless there's enough reason to, plenty of musicians tour while pregnant, it never stopped them. Listen...I promise if anything even small came up with the baby I would stop in an instant," Jude told him. She knew he was worried for her, and their unborn child, but sometimes he worried just a bit too much...

Tommy looked at her and sighed. He looked down towards his feet. He knew he had that tendency to over-worry or over think when it came to her but he loved her and wanted to make sure that she and the baby would be ok.

As if she could read his thoughts, Jude stood up and pulled him to her wrapping her small frame around him. "We'll be okay Tommy, I just know it. We'll have our little family and everything will be perfect Tommy, perfect for us anyways." Jude leaned up and kissed him lightly. "c'mon daddy lets get out of here and get something to eat then head home. I want me some Tommy cuddle time k?"

They walked out of the practice space Jude holding onto Tommy's waist and leaing into them instep with his longer strides, she smiled inside and out. Even though it was a shock, she had to be the happiest person on earth at this very moment and she knew Tommy was too. 


End file.
